I agree with the spectrum thing. I have never been diagnosed with DID officially, but I think I fall on the spectrum somewhere between severe depersonalization and full blow DID. I am also NOW, very conscious of alters. In review, I see certain situations and interactions with others play out, and I am NOT the person I usually am in those situations and interactions. There is a practical me that can compose the written word like a master. There is a little girl who loves to play and laugh. There is the proud, competent mother. There is the caring Cinderella sister. There is the panicky, unsure teenager who is impulsive and angry. So many people inside to fit any occasion, really. The amnestic walls are no longer opaque as they once were, more like flimsy and see-through at random times.
It's not like me, or how I feel like I am, to blow up and throw a tantrum like a two year old. Yet, I have done so many, many times as an adult. I also feel the switch automatically every single time I get behind the wheel of a car. It's as if auto-pilot is the only way I can drive without going into extreme paranoia and stress response at the notion that I'll get into another car wreck. I also find evidence that I do things and have no clue. Last thing was changing pharmacies for the THIRD time in three months. I was pissed off at the second pharmacy because they said I couldn't get a refill on one of my meds (anger ones) because I'd just had it filled and insurance declined. I'm like…."well, I have plenty of my other meds, so why don't I have any left of the one?" Turns out I'd transferred all meds a few weeks earlier and had NO RECALL whatsoever. They'd actually been sitting on the med that I went three weeks without because it had already been filled at pharmacy number three!
It's not like me, or how I feel like I am, to blow up and throw a tantrum like a two year old. Yet, I have done so many, many times as an adult. I also feel the switch automatically every single time I get behind the wheel of a car. It's as if auto-pilot is the only way I can drive without going into extreme paranoia and stress response at the notion that I'll get into another car wreck. I also find evidence that I do things and have no clue. Last thing was changing pharmacies for the THIRD time in three months. I was pissed off at the second pharmacy because they said I couldn't get a refill on one of my meds (anger ones) because I'd just had it filled and insurance declined. I'm like…."well, I have plenty of my other meds, so why don't I have any left of the one?" Turns out I'd transferred all meds a few weeks earlier and had NO RECALL whatsoever. They'd actually been sitting on the med that I went three weeks without because it had already been filled at pharmacy number three!
