General Am I Nitpicking?

[Freeman22]

Hello all. I'm looking for some advice/opinions on something that has been bothering me lately. My significant other has recently been diagnosed with PTSD and we have both been trying to help each other understand and cope with everything that has been going on lately. There have been times in the past where their attitude towards even the smallest issues have been negative. They can go on and on about how they disagree on something and it seems to bother them more so than anyone else whether it effects them personally or not. This can be a a daily or weekly occurrence. I have to say that this is one thing that my significant other does that really bothers me when it happens. It didn't at first when we first met, but over time I find myself getting tired of hearing the constant negative comments or bickering. My question for the supporters is: Is it wrong for me to get tired or upset of listening to the complaining and does anyone else feel anger when this happens? I understand this can be part of PTSD, but when it happens I just want to yell STOP IT, but doing this could lead to a shouting match. I am trying to understand if it's normal for the supporter to get tired of hearing the bickering over the years or am I just nitpicking. Thanks for your opinions.

 

[Toria]

Hello Freeman22 - I don't think it's wrong, so much as you being human (not that your sufferer isn't!!!) but a lot of negativity can be very morale zapping. That was the main reason I landed here a couple of months ago - I'd lived with the situation for six years with no real problem (so to speak) and then I suddenly just stopped coping with it and it all started to bring me down - so no, you're not the only one; there are at least two of us!

 

[Look4Advice123]

I'm late in this discussion, but there's at least 3 of us! I'm a carer newly learning about PTSD. My boyfriend can be very negative. And those times it's hard to bite my tongue. It's not usually directed toward me. And when it is I understand it's not an intentional snide/rude comment. But directed to me or not, it is frustrating. And intentional or not, it knocks my self confidence. One time we got in an argument and he said I was so negative. I blew up at that comment, after spending the past few days biting my tongue at his negativity toward everything. I still feel bad about how I reacted and what I said. I wish I could go back but will just have to learn and work on myself while he's working on himself.

 

[IvyMillie]

Boy can I relate to that. My husband with PTSD will get on one subject and rant and rave about it for what seems like forever. I can't tell you how many times I had to hear about gas prices when they first started going up. Oh yes it's irritating. Like you said, if you say anything they tend to get annoyed.

I had to really work on ignoring what he said. It drove me crazy inside. However, I just had to let him have his say. Sometimes I would say "well, there's nothing we can do about it." Most of the time I would just ignore it and not make any comment at all.

He does tend to get on some kind of negative treadmill and go on and on about it. I find that I'm getting more negative too after 20 years. So, I'm really going to work on myself. I've always been a positive person until now.

The hardest thing for me when I first got married was to learn to not say anything. I come from a vocal family that voiced their opinions. So biting my tongue was sooooooo hard. However, I hate fighting and disagreements. So I had to learn to keep quiet to have some semblance of peace.

It's been good for me in that I'm around alot of older people and they say crazy things too, and so I'm learning to just not add fuel to the fire. I'm trying to practice thinking about something else when people say things for which I can't add anything.

However, I do have those moments when I feeling like screaming if I have to hear the same thing again. The only thing I can say is if you can practice thinking about something else. Since, we can't say anything. When I get really really annoyed I have this little song I sing to myself about the fruitages of the spirit.

Hang in there--I'm sorry you have the same problem.

 

[ISupportHer]

I think, yes, we all feel thsi to some degree. I think one way to look at it is the same as a suggestion I remember seeing about raising teens. That is "pick your battles". There are things that are fundamental issues and need addressed. I do better at not sweating the small stuff.

OK, OK, OK! SOME days I do better. :)

ISH

 

[MouseWedger]

Freeman,
I don't think you're nitpicking. I think I do this to my husband a lot - complain about the same things over and over again, and I know he gets frustrated with me too. sometimes he can't bite his tongue and lets me know that I do this, and it helps to know when I'm doing it so I can try to work on it. Hang in there - we need the people around us more than we let on!
Hugs and happy thoughts
Mouse