Am i overreacting?

[Umifu]

Abuse! Abuse! Abuuuuuuuuser! :bored:

Leave your abuse issues somewhere else. Rage and lashing out happen. It's a fact. You may not do it, but it doesn't mean it doesn't happen.

Let's look at the situation. She was trapped in the car. He cranked the music up so loud it hurt her ears. She couldn't get out, and he wouldn't turn it down... seems like some abusive shit right there. I don't need to know why he did it. He did it, and it physically hurt her.

 

[anonymous]

So we didn't get any back ground and people take sides without all the info. Is there no excuse for what happened or no excuse for what caused it? Sometimes if you needle someone to death they do crazy stuff to make it stop. Words can hurt so much. I've been with people who were so monstrously passive aggressive I wished they'd beat me instead. The case here is not clear so you shouldn't rush to judgement.

 

[Ubil]

The OP states that she had already stopped talking after an argument THEN he pulled the radio bit. It's not like he was drowning her out.

 

[Uvuzi]

2 weeks later? Yeah you're over reacting.

 

[Ibalid]

Let's also not forget that the "trapped" in the car bit. Is due to being a passenger in a moving vehicle on the freeway. At 60mph I wouldn't just hop out, but it doesn't mean I'm trapped.

The op doesn't state whether or not they attempted to communicate for him to pull over. (Non-verbal due to noise obviously)

 

[Hapok]

Hi,

Threadstarted here,
Thank you all for your comments.

I did not ask him to stop the car, worried that it might make things worse. I guess he did not physically hurt me because I had my fingers to my ears. Still a bit confused in situations like this. You have all given me more perspectives though. thanks.

 

[Zerij]

I'd be upset about it too. An adult human being should have enough common courtesy to not blast the radio so loud in a car that their passengers have to stick their fingers in their ears.

 

[Wogu]

This behavior strikes me as psychological abuse. It is immature and immensely invalidating. Even if OP was driving him nuts and he has PTSD it is very hurtful. If he has not apologized then that makes sense that the OP would still be angry.

 

[Dotib]

I'm sorry but playing music loud enough that your passenger feels the need to put her fingers in her ears may be insensitive, it may be rude, but it is not physically hurting her or abusing her. Just because she said she had stopped talking doesn't mean he wasn't waiting for her to say "and another thing..." (rightly or wrongly) and using the music as a preemptive way of cutting of the conversation.

The only one who knows for sure what his intention was is him.

 

[Fibe]

And just because you don't think it's abuse doesn't mean she didn't feel abused. The target of that behavior gets to decide if it was hurtful or abusive. Obviously the OP is still upset about it a week later, and is questioning her own feelings. I'd say that indicates that she was hurt enough by his actions for it to have a lasting impact, and now she is trying to decide if her hurt is valid or if she should "suck it up" because he has PTSD. It's a crappy position to be in when you start questioning if your emotions are valid.

 

[Dotib]

The target of that behavior gets to decide if it was hurtful or abusive.

I'd agree with the first but not the second. A person can say "I felt hurt by that behaviour" regardless of what the behaviour is. I once felt hurt because the guy I was dating ordered me a coffee without asking me - I don't drink coffee and I felt he should have known that as I had refused it every time it was offered. Is it abuse to order someone a coffee without asking them? Of course not.

This idea that everything is subjective and whether an action is bullying, harassment or abuse is entirely up the person on the receiving end is problematic. Firstly, because it means that the other person can be labelled a bully, a harasser or an abuser for literally any behaviour and secondly because such loose use of the terms means that actual bullying, harassment or abuse is watered down by the idea that it is subjective. (ie: if being physically assaulted in a car Chris Brown / Rihanna style is abuse and playing music very loud in a car is abuse then what is the difference?)

 

[Tubi]

Over-reacting or completely reasonable, the question now seems to be how are you going to move forward.

Have you been able to talk about it with him since?