Relationship Am I The Only One???

[Court]

My husband is deployed and out of nowhere claimed he was quitting the marriage after 13 years and 3 kids. Then the following day he was beyond upset when he called very early in the morning and I didn't hear the phone. He is now saying he is messed up in the head and he does love me and wants to get help when he returns home. This is the second deployment he was diagnosed prior to this one with mild PTSD and has said this deployment has been much worse than his first. I am trying to be as supportive as possible but find it hard when I get no response. We have had other ups and downs pre PTSD and I fear he is keeping me around for the comfort. I have been talking with a chaplain and will continue to do so for myself. I think he loves me and he needs the reassurance but I am curious if this is all normal behavior? Any insight would be greatly appreciated!
Have a great day!
C

 

[nursenurse]

Get busy reading everything you can about PTSD before he comes home. It is going to be a rocky ride, and you will need to be armed with all of the information that you can find. I may be wrong here, but re-deploying someone already diagnosed with "mild" PTSD basically ices his cake of having major PTSD, but that is my own opinion. I'm not sure where to draw lines of mild and major either, It manifests itself differently in everyone, although there are some common traits. Some folks handle it better than others, but it seems like adding insult to injury and absolute folly to deploy someone already with that diagnosis. Not very helpful, I'm ranting for you, I guess.

You are among friends here, there's a lot of info to soak up. I don't think he is just keeping you around for comfort, but then I don't know much about you, him or your relationship. There is something more that has happened during this stint, and until he gets home and you know as many of the facts as possible, don't write him off, but make sure you are staying because you love him. This isn't for the faint of heart, but he will need time, and lots of it, to heal, and you will need the patience of Job and whatever information you can find. This is a great place to start. Welcome :)

 

[ShayShay]

I only wish I had found this forum before my guy came back the last time. He was diagnosed 4 tours ago and kept going back so I understand how it can keep getting worse. I read as much as I could before he came home but NOTHING has helped more than finding this forum and seeing what real people are going through. You can only read "just be there for your vet" so many times without actually getting hands-on advice.

There are two things I did that I wish I had known before he got home:
1) Don't baby them to much. They need to assume some responsibility for themselves.
2) Don't think by any means that you can fix him. My guy told me repeatedly that I was to "fix him" and after way to long I finally got it through to him that I couldn't and he needed to get help. That is the best thing that could of happened for us. He's only been in therapy for 5 months and there are already improvements.

Just keep in mind that we are here if you need us.

Shay

 

[Court]

Thank you! I'm not writing him off at all I want to be here to support him and make sure he gets what he needs. I love him deeply and was just so caught off guard when he said he couldn't do this anymore but never used the "D" word but has expressed his hate for that place where he is and hating his job.

He has for the most part been on a loving path and saying he misses me and can't wait to be home. But his emails can be limited and I just go with it and write loving and encouraging things to him.

If you are meaning stint like what he has seen and done since being there this time I know it's been rough on him.

I truly appreciate your kind words it makes me feel much better to know I'm not going crazy or alone.

C

 

[Abstract]

You have good advice here. The main aim must be to get him into professional help.

Yes it probably is "normal" in context of PTSD sadly. I hope you get lots of support here and that he gets help and soon.

 

[Court]

He says he will find help once coming home still at least 3 months away :( I am seeing the chaplain to deal with my end of it and trying to be as informed as possible. I'm sad and put on a happy face to deal with it all as I can't not be there for him. I feel depressed at moments and I am trying my best to be all that he needs to have a decent homecoming. Thanks for all the words of wisdom.