Huge, massive problem.
I was sexually abused by my brother when I was younger. I thought what we did was weird, and totally disgusting. I took showers to wash my lower body after every time we did it. But I never thought it was wrong. I never thought of it... I have no clue how old I was when we started, it's all just a blur. I have huge gaps in my mind, like there were memories extracted from my mind. It frustrates me that I simply can't remember a thing!! I remember what he did to me, where he touched me. But I don't remember when, or specific details... I'm assuming I was around 11 when he started. when I turned 16, I had a huge trigger and everybody thought I'd had a mental breakdown. Everybody said I was just crazy, and I believed them. I am crazy. Nobody does what I had done. After that I wondered about it a lot, but it wasn't till I turned 18, that I told the truth. And suddenly everyone said I had been abused, ad what he did was terrible, and I'm traumatised. But I didn't feel like I was traumatised! Everyone said my behaviour and my issues all came from the abuse, and that what I had done when I was 16 is obviously connected. I'm not sure... It's been a year, and at first I felt so so so much. Feelings I can't even describe. But then... I felt nothing. Stone numb. I don't feel ANYTHING!! Nothing at all. I don't cry. I can't be happy either. I went into a major depression, andI finally agreed to try meds. Now I'm on anti depressants, but it doesn't help. So I'm failing in school, and I lie in bed all the time. And I never ever speak about that trigger (when I was 16) it's tabboo. And about my brother? I get these horrible images in my head. Sometimes the monster in my stomach gets too much and I totally lose it. I don't sleep, and my eating habits are terrible. I cut myself... I feel so trapped inside my head, I can't take it. But I don't think I'm traumatised... Am I? What does being traumatised mean?
I was sexually abused by my brother when I was younger. I thought what we did was weird, and totally disgusting. I took showers to wash my lower body after every time we did it. But I never thought it was wrong. I never thought of it... I have no clue how old I was when we started, it's all just a blur. I have huge gaps in my mind, like there were memories extracted from my mind. It frustrates me that I simply can't remember a thing!! I remember what he did to me, where he touched me. But I don't remember when, or specific details... I'm assuming I was around 11 when he started. when I turned 16, I had a huge trigger and everybody thought I'd had a mental breakdown. Everybody said I was just crazy, and I believed them. I am crazy. Nobody does what I had done. After that I wondered about it a lot, but it wasn't till I turned 18, that I told the truth. And suddenly everyone said I had been abused, ad what he did was terrible, and I'm traumatised. But I didn't feel like I was traumatised! Everyone said my behaviour and my issues all came from the abuse, and that what I had done when I was 16 is obviously connected. I'm not sure... It's been a year, and at first I felt so so so much. Feelings I can't even describe. But then... I felt nothing. Stone numb. I don't feel ANYTHING!! Nothing at all. I don't cry. I can't be happy either. I went into a major depression, andI finally agreed to try meds. Now I'm on anti depressants, but it doesn't help. So I'm failing in school, and I lie in bed all the time. And I never ever speak about that trigger (when I was 16) it's tabboo. And about my brother? I get these horrible images in my head. Sometimes the monster in my stomach gets too much and I totally lose it. I don't sleep, and my eating habits are terrible. I cut myself... I feel so trapped inside my head, I can't take it. But I don't think I'm traumatised... Am I? What does being traumatised mean?