Amazing Supportive Spouses

[7Cs]

My husband is amazing. He has been with me through this awful journey through twists and turns darkness and light. He has seen the worst and best of me. He accepts me for who I am and who I was.He has learned to support me through this in ways that surprise my and fill my heart with appreciation and love. I can't imagine life without him.

Lately when I start dissociating or having a flashback or am just not "me" he'll come over by me and hold me if I'm receptive or just lay near me and tell me that I'm safe now, that everything is ok, that it is not then, that he is my husband and he loves me. Sometimes he somehow knows when to just leave me be and wait for me to come to him.

We spent years not knowing what was going on with me, years for me to wrap my head around it when I found out and several years past that for him to begin to understand it and know that my reactions were not about him. He's gone above and beyond my hopes or expectations.



I didn't start this post as a Thanksgiving "What are you thankful for" post but now that I wrote it I have to say that I am so thankful that he is in my life.

 

[Gs172003]

I'm not always in the mode of " he's so great" but when it comes to being there for this...yeah. He is. I think my reluctance is more my fault than his though. Not sure what it's called

 

[EveHarrington]

I'm glad you found a good one! ;-)

Kind of like finding a unicorn. Lol.

 

[WhisperingUnicorn]

Breath of fresh air to read your post, @7Cs !

I really try to be supportive for my husband, too - takes a lot of work on MYSELF mostly ;) HE is AMAZING. He's been through so much, and I was really touched by this:

Lately when I start dissociating or having a flashback or am just not "me" he'll come over by me and hold me if I'm receptive or just lay near me and tell me that I'm safe now, that everything is ok, that it is not then, that he is my husband and he loves me. Sometimes he somehow knows when to just leave me be and wait for me to come to him.

I try to stay alert to this with my husband, too -

When he switches to his Grumpy part, I have to be more "short, sweet, and to the point" and avoid demonstrating emotion or uncertainty. He is much happier when I'm assertive and sure of myself - Grumpy doesn't really "care" about being comforted - he cares about ACTION, that I'm a woman of my word and DO what I say I'm going to do.

But when my husband switches (especially in fear) to one of his child parts, I am very much more the -- stroke his hair, caress his arms/back, tell him he's ok, he's safe, etc -- kind of wife. There is a very real "Mommy" protective dynamic at play in those times. And it has been so unimaginably sweet to get to "know" what my husband may have been like as a small boy - we met later in life, so in a strangely intimate way, his "flashbacks" (not all bad) have helped us fill in the gaps of the years we missed out on with each other ....

And when he switches to one of his child parts in a PLAYFUL way, I literally "play" with him! :) His more extroverted young one (age slider) LOVES bright, colorful, sparkly, and exciting things - like the circus, or even a "kid" movie (He was ENAMORED with Disney's "Inside Out" and we made a whole date night out of it).

I don't feel like I'm very good at always recognizing the "switches" .. partly cuz he's still working out how to be aware, himself. :hug::inlove::inlove::hug:

But I know if he could post here, and someday perhaps when he's more "mature" in his healing, he will be as confident and hopeful regarding my love for him too. He's expressed amazement that I have loved him MORE the more I've gotten to know "all" of him - he was pretty convinced I wouldn't want him anymore once I knew about his "others" .. But we've worked through so much, sewing up his "splintered"/shards memories, writing out a cohesive narrative of his story which helped give him a much stronger sense of self, even demonstrating forgiveness to his mom and reconciling with her (to the extent she's able to receive that) after a 20+ year estrangement, etc.

He has more than overcome SO much -

He is, straight up, my HERO. :inlove::inlove:

Thank you for sharing this sweet and intimate sentiment!!

~WU