An Apology To Anthony & The Forum...

[BloomInWinter]

I owe Anthony and the Forum an apology.

I had a post removed. Read the message about that and the other posts that were removed, and drew a (false) conclusion that it was directed partially at me.

I posted a response to my diary. Friends who support me started attacking Anthony in defense of me. ...and they got banned.

I am so sorry.

I have learned several things from this.

I have always felt NOBODY liked me. That my world view is...nobody likes me, therefore nobody listens to me, therefore...I don't 'get' that my words would have any impact.

My T.'s been working on me for months to see this is different than the reality. That my mistaken words did cause such awful fallout for so many good people is very painful to me. I now know that my words have impact...which means I have to freakin' grow up and be an adult and take responsibility for them.

The other thing I learned...that I am still using a survival skill that I picked up as a child.

When I was a child, it was a good thing to 'act' as soon as I thought I had enough info. I needed to back then.

I almost NEVER need to act/react quickly. I can step back. I can ponder. I can assume safely 'it's NOT about me...'

Lesson learned. I pray I'm teachable enough to avoid that 'lessons unlearned will be repeated...' thingy.

Anthony, my apologies. I know we don't always view things from the same viewpoint (although we have the same desire to help) but I did create a problem for you based on my misjudgment and I greatly regret it. I thank you for your time and help in teaching me this lesson.

To all my wonderful supporters, I'm so sorry for not realizing that I do affect others...and for not being far more responsible. I will work hard to never repeat this mistake.

To those who got banned...I don't know how to apologize other than to say...wish I could turn back the clock and have them be allowed back in. So they can let me HAVE it.

*ashamed* and *eating crow*

I am so grateful for this forum and this whole thing ended up working to force me to look at my character defects fully in the face...and now I gotta work on 'em.

 

[Nicolette]

I commend you in having the strength to firstly realize what you own BloomInWinter and secondly to have the courage to admit your mistakes and say sorry. I know a lot of people who can't do that so be proud that you are now walking in a direction which will serve you better in life.

 

[anthony]

Thank you, but not essential Bloom. People who posted the way they did, regardless them "backing you up" as you stated, are responsible for their actions, you are not responsible for them. If you did the things they did, you would also have been banned. Obviously you didn't, hence you still have access. Those few people who chose to go on an attack have either been banned or had a filter applied to their account limiting their access here because they brought such action upon themselves for failing to follow forum rules.

We all disagree Bloom... that is part of having an opinion, what was not acceptable by a few, as you stated, is that they didn't have an opinion, they backed up your opinion by attacking, instead of just having their own unique opinion. That was their mistake, not yours. Trust me, if it was yours to own, you would have been in that action taken.

 

[becvan]

Well done bloom for realizing that what you say and do can have an impact, however the other stuff is rubbish. I agree with Anthony. Those that got banned, were banned for thier actions. So looks like theres another lesson in here. ;)

bec

 

[Nicolette]

I agree you have no responsibility to those who were banned. I was referring to you realizing you reacted on assumption.

 

[Vee Lagrome]

Hugs for Bloom!!

I'm so glad you're taking this as a learning experience. It shows such a strength of character (which I deeply admire and hope to develop) that you can take this as a learning experience and admit publicly that you feel fault in this situation, even though I agree that some people may have just been using this situation as an excuse to fly off the handle to vent some of the anger they were already feeling. I hope they, too, use the situation as a learning experience.

@Anthony & Nicolette - that's what sets you apart from so many admins, you are both so graceful in how you handle these things, and I really admire you both for your poise, fairness, and compassion. I think it says a lot about you, Anthony, that Bloom feels safe/compelled/whatever enough to make a public apology. Thank you for doing what you do to make this community what it is! :)

 

[anthony]

Thanks for your kind words. Yes, running a mental health based forum has its challenges... that is for sure. I would actually say that the majority of members make it easy to achieve, by simply being adults about how they handle themselves here. Its then often only a minority that either quickly grow-up and begin acting their age / as adults due to forum policy enforcement, or have action taken to limit their impact upon those trying to heal and get on with their lives.

 

[BloomInWinter]

I do think now I have a deeper understanding of why I have to deal with my issues to be a productive, truly helpful, caring person who can give and receive help appropriately. Yes, others went on and did their part but...if I'd have been taking care of my own issues, maybe it wouldn't have gone down like it did.

Why do life lessons have to be so freakin' painful sometimes?

 

[Jade-]

I think you were brave to apologize. I know first hand how hard it is to do.

But don't beat yourself up over it. Shit happens sometimes.

 

[Iam]

(((BLOOM))) I didn't see the posts yesterday so have no knowledge what occurred, but I am so proud of you for learning a lesson, even if painful. That speaks loads to your character. So does caring about others.

I totally understand the feeling like nobody likes you as well as the believing that you have to act like you already have enough knowledge. I grew up believing the same. You are well loved and liked here Bloom so I can't believe it is any different to those who know you in person.

 

[Nicolette]

I have always felt NOBODY liked me. That my world view is...nobody likes me, therefore nobody listens to me, therefore...I don't 'get' that my words would have any impact.

Ok lets look at this rationally starting with the forum.......... to date you have posted 718 posts and have been liked 847 times for the content of those posts.

So this dismisses that no one likes you and you have 32 followers on here so there are at least 32 people using the system who are interested in you and what you say. As for "your words not having any impact" - 847 likes knocks that one out the window.

Be kind to yourself BloomInWinter as it is now in your capable hands as an adult to change your view on yourself as the facts on here alone dispute your thinking. I get how your thinking and coping skills came about but you now hold the power of being able to change that....... good luck!

 

[jesse]

((((Bloom)))) I think you are awesome! I'm not in any 12 step programs but have always liked the Serenity Prayer which I think you are exemplifying. Don't forget about the part that says "the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference". You can't be responsible for others actions only your own so quit beating yourself up about the banned members. Hugs.