it defines me, to me anyway
I totally can relate to that. You might look at this as an opportunity. Think of yourself as a blank slate that you can define any way you want to. You're right, it's a learning process. And, in the process of learning, we all make mistakes. In fact. someone used to tell me that, if you want to double your rate of learning, you need to double you're rate of making mistakes.
"name 5 things good about you" if i could even name 5 things,
LOL I know I couldn't do that! Unless I resorted to stuff like "Well, I haven't kicked any little old ladies today...." Starting from scratch is hard. And makes you feel pretty stupid sometimes. I refer to this kind of thing as the "blank spots in my road map of reality". And I've started what I call my "cosmic cheat sheet" for stuff I probably should have learned before the age of 5 and managed not to learn. Like, I have a hard time with compliments. A few years ago, a good friend got PO'd at me because I always argued the point when he paid me a compliment. He said, "A compliment is like a gift. It's something someone gives you because they want to. It is NOT appropriate to argue with them. The thing to do when someone pays you a compliment is say 'Thank you' then shut up." I had NO idea! Bless him for telling me. From then on, when confronted with a compliment I can hear him, in the back of my mind saying "the appropriate thing to do with a compliment is say thank you then shut up!" It works! :) First item on my cheat sheet! Fortunately, my T gets this too and helps. Every now and then something will come up & he'll say "You really DON'T get how other people look at this, do you?" and then he'll just tell me. LOL It's not that I have to look at things like other people do, but it IS kind of helpful to be aware of the differences.
Fair enough! And that might be a good reason not to do one. Or it might not. Depends on the nature of the fear and what you want to do with it. Is this a specific fear OF something, or just generalized fear? What's the worst thing you think might happen?
But how do you invite or ask for people to participate?
I suppose you could name it something like "I sure hope someone reads and replies to my diary!". But, you can also do something like send someone a PM and say "Hey, Scout, I started a diary today, would you stop in and read it?" (I, for one, don't always notice when someone starts a diary.) Pick people who have shown an interest in you. Pick people you think you can learn from and, at least this is my thought, pick smart people who you don't think are going to agree with you all the time. One of the very best things about this forum is there are a fair number of people here who are totally willing to call BS when they think it's appropriate. The flip side of that is then you also know they aren't just being nice if they happen to agree with you. AND, I don't think there's anyone here who'd call you on something out of meanness. Oh, there's been a person or 2 float through since I've been here who would. They don't get to stay. And, there's the occasional person who's having a bad day & might snap at someone. There's also a lesson THERE. The world really DOESN'T come to an end just because someone snaps at you. Or disagrees with you.
But what im trying to say is i have to sorta "prove" to you that i really can underatand how you feel about something
No, actually you only THINK you have to prove it. You don't actually HAVE to prove anything at all.
a bunch of junk from the past, which to me wasnt even "bad" or 'horrible", it was justified.
Here's a proposed rule of thumb for you to consider. "If it would have been wrong or bad to do it to some random person, it was wrong for it to be done to you." Those who told you otherwise were wrong and probably were intentionally lying. Everything we are told is not true. Some is, some isn't. None of it is gospel. In the case of people who torture children I think it's safe to assume they were wrong about pretty much everything they said.
