Hi everyone, I'm now a 70 yo heterosexual adult male , happily married over 43 years, with adult children and grandchildren - now retired.
I always considered myself pretty 'normal' in most areas (whatever that means, but I think it means that I don't stand out in a crowd) except for one unusual 'habit' - rectal polyembolokoilamania (rectal foreign body insertion) was something that I had practiced since adolescence, starting around 15 years of age, when I developed an emotionally complex set of rituals to relieve feelings of sadness, emptiness, and loneliness that the disconnect from my mother and the punitive behavior from my father had caused.
Rectal insertion became a ritual—a way of seeking comfort and relieving painful feelings—replacing them with a sense of being filled up, but always ending in feelings of more pain, shame, punishment, and anxiety. This 'habit' continued into my early-60's before escalating out of control - and that was when I first sought therapy for my life-long behavior.
During extensive psychological examination and history, it became evident that my behavior, rather than serving a sexual function, was more about psychosexual and emotional regulation related to my parents and my upbringing.
Interestingly, various studies have shown that the behavior of rectal insertion of foreign objects may be associated with a person's psychosocial and developmental history more than previously thought. Rather than serving a purely sexual function, the primary motivation for this behavior in many cases may be to fulfill an emotional regulatory function due to childhood trauma.
In therapy over several years using a combination of Schema therapy, CBT and Mindfulness I was able to explore my 'inner child' and, in doing so, gained a deep insight into myself and my upbringing - and finally found some reconciliation.
I now try to resolve the following questions when responding to external stimulus. Whose voice is in your head? Who are you listening to ? Is it your past (inner child or parent) or are you willing to confront what you need from the position of an adult – the person you are right now?
I have now generally integrated with my 'inner child', 'inner parent' and 'inner adult', am now more likely to distinguish between my 'parent self' and 'child self ' and who/which is/was motivating my behavior.
It's hard, but with a new understanding of myself, I'm now quite ambivalent about my childhood and parents to a point where I 've been able to mostly let go and protect and nurture myself in healthier ways.
I've lived a long life interrupted by trauma but with a good story of recovery - it is the journey that took a lifetime and I'm happy to share it in full if there is any interest in it.
I always considered myself pretty 'normal' in most areas (whatever that means, but I think it means that I don't stand out in a crowd) except for one unusual 'habit' - rectal polyembolokoilamania (rectal foreign body insertion) was something that I had practiced since adolescence, starting around 15 years of age, when I developed an emotionally complex set of rituals to relieve feelings of sadness, emptiness, and loneliness that the disconnect from my mother and the punitive behavior from my father had caused.
Rectal insertion became a ritual—a way of seeking comfort and relieving painful feelings—replacing them with a sense of being filled up, but always ending in feelings of more pain, shame, punishment, and anxiety. This 'habit' continued into my early-60's before escalating out of control - and that was when I first sought therapy for my life-long behavior.
During extensive psychological examination and history, it became evident that my behavior, rather than serving a sexual function, was more about psychosexual and emotional regulation related to my parents and my upbringing.
Interestingly, various studies have shown that the behavior of rectal insertion of foreign objects may be associated with a person's psychosocial and developmental history more than previously thought. Rather than serving a purely sexual function, the primary motivation for this behavior in many cases may be to fulfill an emotional regulatory function due to childhood trauma.
In therapy over several years using a combination of Schema therapy, CBT and Mindfulness I was able to explore my 'inner child' and, in doing so, gained a deep insight into myself and my upbringing - and finally found some reconciliation.
I now try to resolve the following questions when responding to external stimulus. Whose voice is in your head? Who are you listening to ? Is it your past (inner child or parent) or are you willing to confront what you need from the position of an adult – the person you are right now?
I have now generally integrated with my 'inner child', 'inner parent' and 'inner adult', am now more likely to distinguish between my 'parent self' and 'child self ' and who/which is/was motivating my behavior.
It's hard, but with a new understanding of myself, I'm now quite ambivalent about my childhood and parents to a point where I 've been able to mostly let go and protect and nurture myself in healthier ways.
I've lived a long life interrupted by trauma but with a good story of recovery - it is the journey that took a lifetime and I'm happy to share it in full if there is any interest in it.
