Analogy: Having C-ptsd & Trying To Socialize Feels Like...

[intothelight]

At the same time I've always felt blessed to find those awesome few floating in the ocean of oddness, cresting on a wave that I recognize and who recognize me...we wave at each other and become friends. Our slight differences never mattered, in fact only made things interesting.

Perfect!

 

[karissa]

I hate it and it has become worse. I either have severe anxiety or dissociate. So I no longer go out which can also make me worse. So it's a lose lose situation. But if I do socialize..it's usually with my trauma group friends because they understand.

 

[Sterre]

This is such a comforting thread! I can relate to so much you've all written here....pffffffff....geuss I am not the only one feeling like a misfit in (everyday) social interaction.

Thank you so much for creating this thread!:tup:

 

[Kim]

I seem to be the person everyone wants to talk to and tell their troubles to.

OMG can I relate to that!!! There can be a thousand people in the room and anyone and everyone with a problem will find me. LOL Yeah drives me crazy sometimes.

I'm not too bad in a social setting as long as I have something in common with the people I'm around. If the conversation turns to childhood memories I'm at a loss. That's when I feel the most uncomfortable and begin to realize I'm in a room full of people and start to feel overwhelmed with it all. That's when the anxiety kicks in. If I'm lucky there's a cat or a dog around that I can devote my attention to or I go find my husband so that nobody notices how uncomfortable I've become and they start asking questions. Luckily I smoke so if all else fails it's a good excuse for leaving the area and going outside for a while to catch my breath.

 

[LaurenRose]

I used to be really good at socializing. According to the Strengths Finder test I have a WOW strength - Winning Others Over. I naturally found common ground talking with strangers in a social situation. Now I am suffocated. Putting on "normal" is excruciating. Trying to find that blend of pretend in the physical and pretend in the emotional. I continuously chant to myself "This will end, this will be over, this will end, this will be over. Ride it out. Keep up the pretense. Don't you dare let anyone see how f'cked up you are. Keep it together." It's like sadness and anger over the loss of ability smacks me upside my head and makes me dizzy. Having to find common conversation takes an enormous amount of energy. I go through a bit of a process thinking of safer topics and running through how I can respond to them. That way if someone talks to me, I can initiate and have some semblance of control. I avoid social situations. When I haven't a choice, meaning being here at my daughters, away from my home, my town, my province, and her friends are coming over, I have to suck it up as I am unable to go out into this strange world and have a place to be that is not triggering. Yes I have not died (and my emotions are shrieking "yet") but I have to fortify myself for when that panic sets in. My daughter is aware of my Complex Trauma and is empathetic to a certain extent. I find myself even with her having to dumb it down within my inside self self and especially my outside self so it doesn't freak her out. She doesn't know what to do about it - fair enough. I feel like an idiot not being able to take public transport, the panic attacks are not worth it. It is a form of socializing for me because sometimes even eye contact with the strangers on the bus - the people who don't give a f"uck about me is unbearable - I would have thought that would be easier as I don't want people to try and relate to me. It's so weird to me that this form of interacting is so difficult, so distessing. I abuse myself mentally and emotionally still and am learning to relax by saying "oh yeah, this is what they say is PTSD." I am slowly getting there.

 

[cyndiloowho]

I feel like an alien who landed on the wrong plant... I dont speak the language, I dont belong.

 

[traumablackout]

I'm right there with you jellymint, you're definitely not alone.

 

[Bosco2153]

The legacy of a shattered past is that, no matter how positive I try to be, my present experiences always have a deep dark stain upon them.

Just sitting here taking this comment in. I've returned over and over and read it. It's so true and I don't want to pull people I love down with it all the time, so I avoid. I didn't attend my granddaughter's preschool graduation yesterday. Instead, I 'rotted' without a shower in my home and watched the clock tic by, thinking about how they all were nodding together about what a loser I am for a grandma and mom.

 

[BloomInWinter]

((((deedlerock))))

No, not a loser...just traumatized and dealing with it the best you can.

*Linking Arms*

 

[Queen Boudica]

Like I'm a ghost. Sometimes people are able to see me and be friendly with me, but never get that close.

Others just think I'm spooky and weird and won't have anything to do with me. And even when I try to befriend them they can't see me and I can't act like a human because I am a ghost.

And I have not been aware of this because I did not realise that I had died and become a ghost

 

[mamachick]

Many good posts. Just remember, those people that we are talking about may feel the same as we do. Its all a poker face. If I met you at a barbacue, would you recognize my trauma?
I know we do feel like its the choice between not having the pleasant stuff and sharing the ugly-we are real-very, real.Socializing is hard though-I do agree-just remember that those who we think are judging could have something equal or worse to hide

 

[Tinyflame]

Yes brat, they seem relieved to say so.