These 3 are the interpretations I received that resonated with me.
If my dream, I sometime make assumptions about things without knowing
the whole story. This includes making assumptions about myself and my
past. A van is a heavy vehicle, similar to a small bus. It holds
weighty issues for me. I assume that the babies need to be rescued.
They are three separate parts of my inner child that I feel need saving.
I fear that I won't be able to save them all. Perhaps it is best for me
to work through things one issue at a time rather than trying to fix
them all.
A dark, masculine aspect of myself tells me to step away. He is angry
that I am opening up an old can of worms. He would rather that I just
keep moving, that I don't rip open old wounds. This part of me doesn't
realize that in order to heal, I need to deal with my issues. I dodge a
lot of bullets from this part of me because I do think it is worth it to
continue on. I have done so much inner work and I don't want to abandon
that.
I am now at a gathering of my inner selves and I am trying to convince
other parts of me to see it my way. This isn't working very well
because a lot of "me" is siding with the dark man. I finally get some
backing from a feminine aspect.
Part of me feels that my son does not want me to continue with my
spiritual growth. Perhaps there are things about my journey that annoy
the men in my life. My son is nearing 20 and I feel like I am losing
him, that he no longer needs me. This is a disconcerting feeling that
makes me want to weep.
The passage of years might relate to all the inner progress I have made
and am continuing to make. There are now only two aspect of my inner
child at the bottom of the stairs, ready to come up into higher states
of consciousness. A clue for me is that one of the girls is me when I
was 12. There are things from when I was 12 that I need to go back to.
The dark man is the "parent" of these inner children. He has protected
me from these issues for so long that he was having a hard time stepping
back. But he is indeed "standing to the side" as I am looking down upon
the children.
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If this were my dream... The van might symbolize the way I am moving
through life, able to carry a load, but expending a lot of energy to
do so. I am in an open and fertile place, ready to work on an issue.
The issue seems to involve my inner child, which I visualize as three
unknown vulnerable aspects that need attention. I have a strong sense
that my childhood was stolen from me. Maybe I had to grow up too fast.
And I may not be able to go back and save all those inner child aspects.
Will I be able to save any of them? An unknown masculine part orders
me to stop. He threatens me with a machine gun. This part of me is
full of anger and ready to express it forcefully in an automatic way.
Sometimes I have to do a lot of twisting and turning to dodge the
flying bullets of my unrecognized anger.
I have a hard time believing that there is so much anger in me, but
finally one feminine part believes me. Maybe I can save the inner
child with the help of the feminine principle, with softness and
caring and intuitive understanding. The feminine may be able to help
me acknowledge, accept, and understand the source of my anger, and
this could help defuse it.
Now I am at a playground, a place where my inner child can be a child
again, can play and exercise and be happy. And I am ready to confront
my anger. Already I am seeing it more clearly. It is no longer so
automatic, but just fires one bullet at a time. I see that it is
connected with my son, or the son part of me, a masculine part that is
younger and more familiar. This part seems angry too, but it is not a
generalized anger but very specific: he is sick and tired of hearing
about all that I have lost. He wants that panicky, emotionally damaged
part of me to die. I certainly do not want to lose him, yet I know I
cannot give up on saving my inner child, so this is a real dilemma.
But then, in the way of dreams, I see how all this can be resolved.
How I can be reunited with my inner child and with my son part too. I
am in an apartment, suggesting that I am seeing myself apart from
them, more objectively, not so emotionally wrought up by the issue.
And a feminine part helps me see that there has been growth and
healing. I now see that perhaps my anger actually came out of a fierce
need to protect my inner child. Yes, I think that insight could help
defuse it.
There were three inner child aspects, now there are two. In the end, I
may need to just let go of some of what was lost, but I can still
recover a good bit. Two out of three ain't bad. And the two that
remain are known rather than unknown, and feminine, and able to
express their needs and their joys, not just cry for attention. So in
the end, I have reunited many aspects of myself, and it all feels a
whole lot better now.
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I am concerned about the progress, the adVANcement, of my offspring.
I believe that I have provided them a good environment: open green fields with protection (blankets) and adVANtages.
However, I fear that dark outside influences may steal them away from the environment I have provided. In my attempts to "raise" them, I have "dodged many bullets."
I wonder if perhaps I am not over concerned about my offspring? After all, I can only do what I can do. The dream shows me my valiant attempts to do what is right. The dream suggests that there comes a point where I must accept that I have done all I can, where I must stop my inner noise, all my second-guessing. I have done my best. Continuing my inner dialogue, trying to convince my inner parts only serves to frustrate me, and perhaps others.
This point is driven home when my offspring actually pays the dark force to silence my constant worries and obsessions. This upsetting scene takes place on a playground; perhaps indicating that I need to lighten up, learn to play again, stop obsessing.
Fast forward to the future. The dream seems to indicate that my offspring will be mostly (2/3rds) fine when they grow up. (Hey, who among us is perfect!) The dream also implies that the dark influence is, perhaps, a necessary part of their growing up, and that its presence will no longer be as obvious as my offspring grow older. I wonder, too, if the dream doesn't suggest that I need to remember what I was like when I was growing up? Perhaps at age 12 I was not the perfect child either. The two white girls, one who looks like me, may suggest that I too have an alter ego, a not-so public side, and I'd like to believe that--despite all the bullets I've dodged--I've come out just fine.
