Was going great, actually being ale to cope with my symptoms, enjoy work and am looking at moving (just as soon as I get approved for a place.)
Yup, all good news right?
Not really.
Today I get a phone call from my aunt in Mt Isa. She had a house fire. Her youngest daughter was missing. They found her too late.
Dammit, I hate this shite. Why does even non related shit bring out the worst of my symptoms? I mean really.
Now I am too fecking scared to sleep, too scared to breathe. Dammit, where's the alkie when I need it. Or a razor?
Yeah yeah I know. Added stress exacerbates symptoms. With having (finally) settled into work, still dealing with bro dearest, and looking for a place with Luke, it is amazing I haven't had break outs of symptoms earlier.
(re reads above post)
Yeah, I'm ranting and attempting to deal with everything but what I need to.
My cousin is dead. She was three, but she's dead. Life sucks, and she was just a baby. She deserved to live.
And to top all this shite off, I think my bro dearest (who I hate with the fire of a thousand suns) may be another PTSD sufferer. Dammit. I actually think (looking back objectively, not subjectively (think I got that the right way around) that what he did to me, the abuse, the years of sheer torment was him attempting to deal with severe bullying (I'm talking full on humiliation and beatings) at school.
I think it was his way of trying to gain control, any sort of control in life (sort of a the bully at school is bullied at home cycle).
Doesn't make me like (or even accept what he did) any easier, it doesn't make me want to be near him, hell the thought of spending any more time then necessary with him makes me physically ill, but it has given me something to think about.
Gorramit, my life and mindset is even more confusing then when I first came to the forum. Damn, guess I really do fit in fine.
Yup, all good news right?
Not really.
Today I get a phone call from my aunt in Mt Isa. She had a house fire. Her youngest daughter was missing. They found her too late.
Dammit, I hate this shite. Why does even non related shit bring out the worst of my symptoms? I mean really.
Now I am too fecking scared to sleep, too scared to breathe. Dammit, where's the alkie when I need it. Or a razor?
Yeah yeah I know. Added stress exacerbates symptoms. With having (finally) settled into work, still dealing with bro dearest, and looking for a place with Luke, it is amazing I haven't had break outs of symptoms earlier.
(re reads above post)
Yeah, I'm ranting and attempting to deal with everything but what I need to.
My cousin is dead. She was three, but she's dead. Life sucks, and she was just a baby. She deserved to live.
And to top all this shite off, I think my bro dearest (who I hate with the fire of a thousand suns) may be another PTSD sufferer. Dammit. I actually think (looking back objectively, not subjectively (think I got that the right way around) that what he did to me, the abuse, the years of sheer torment was him attempting to deal with severe bullying (I'm talking full on humiliation and beatings) at school.
I think it was his way of trying to gain control, any sort of control in life (sort of a the bully at school is bullied at home cycle).
Doesn't make me like (or even accept what he did) any easier, it doesn't make me want to be near him, hell the thought of spending any more time then necessary with him makes me physically ill, but it has given me something to think about.
Gorramit, my life and mindset is even more confusing then when I first came to the forum. Damn, guess I really do fit in fine.
