Anger and answers

[trying2movefwd]

I don't know where to post and I am going to name some traumatic memories in here. My childhood sexual abuser is deceased. Parts of me do not grasp this! I have to remind myself over and over. . . I am feeling a great deal of anger about the abuse. I do not know what it will accomplish, but I want to know what kind of crimes he committed...I mean I know there was sexual abuse (almost nightly for over a decade), physical abuse (a few times only), and gun violence involved (held at gunpoint, never actually harmed by one, shot toward with blanks...again no evidence of harm)...chased with fire, burnt with lighters,. . . something in me just wonders what specific crimes could he have been charged with and would he have done "time in prison" had all he done been caught or just probation? I guess I feel I could "measure" how bad it was if I just knew these answers. Parts of me think..it wasn't that bad..lot's of people have had it much worse. And then there is me thinking... Crap man this was really bad! My feelings do the same thing like very intense just after a memory and then....eek...don't feel that! Once I have the" don't feel that" my mind says....you can't believe all your brain is telling you! You might be exaggerating some of this! Grrr!

 

[mamachick]

trying2moveforwrd-from what you have described, he sounds like someone who would have done a lot of time. In todays world, if you can just imagine a jury seeing the things that he has done and not giving him a shitload of time. Its all abuse. I do think the legal system is much harder on child abuse than on adult abuse. You were a child. What if an officer saw a gun pointed at a child? That is brandishing a weapon I think....and that is just one isolated thing you describe....and each time.

I understand you would like to know the name and sentence for each crime and that I don't know. I understand how we try to minimize and tell ourselves things were not that bad. What you described is Horrible! They are horrific acts! I have found that I have had to feel anger before I could find any peace...not that I don't still have bouts of anger when I think of things or am triggered.

I think our brains try to analyze, our hearts are often fools, but our guts tell the truth. The anger is from your gut!
From what you have described, it sounds like a life sentence would not be enough!

I had negligent and passively abusive alcoholic parents. And I know the damage it has caused me. Yet sometimes I minimize it, then I think of (what if my children had any of those experiences that I did) and it puts it back into perspective of how bad it was and the damage it would cause....its not that I am just weak.

I hope you can allow yourself to come to accept the reality of what has been done to you. You were suppose to be protected.
(((hugs)))
Brat

 

[Swift]

Hey mate.
I went through a similar phase.
What I did was I went through my state's Crimes Act legislation and figured out the minimum jail time my abuser should have for the crimes, according to the law.
It felt like it gave a direction to my anger, and some justifiable fury. Also, when I'm in a "it wasn't that bad" mood, it helps me contextualise that yes, it really was that bad.
I scribbled down the years per incident and added it up at the end.
Using a minimum as my standard was heaps easier/less triggering than trying to figure out sentencing processes.

 

[trying2movefwd]

Swift, I am so relieved to know that I am not alone in my thought process here. Thank you!

 

[Swift]

That's what I love about this forum.
It really did help me, though. I'd recommend it.

 

[Freida]

be careful please!!!!

I read an article in the paper about a situation almost exactly like mine and found out what the punishment was. Then I did some research that same day into crime statistics and judgements.

It backfired horribly. Even just typing this I'm ...... ugh..I don't know what I am....

I don't know if it reinforced how awful my situation was, or how much he got away with or how many more victims he probably had or what...... but It really messed with my head (and obviously continues to since I feel like puking just answering this thread).

Just a thought....

 

[trying2movefwd]

Yes... Freida I have wondered about that too. I feel like I am at a place of readiness though and that it would help me. I will probably be running the idea by my therapist first though.

 

[Freida]

I will probably be running the idea by my therapist first though.

Maybe it something you can do during a session? I think it would have been easier to have had mine with me to help me interpret the results...