Anger management pb

[BlueOrange]

I have issues with authority figures and tend to be either ultra-compliant or ultra-noncompliant when given a direction. Today, I saw a psychologist (not my usual psychiatrist, who is far more cautious) and he wanted to me to try something which I felt was unsafe. I'd imagined doing what he asked and had a significant fear/anger response to it.

He said "You're intellectualizing this, I don't want you to intellectualize about it. Go out and do it." This pressed my 'people telling me what I think' button and my 'people giving me orders button' when I was already feeling scared and angry, and I felt a very rapid surge of anger.

I wanted to hit him in the face, but what I did was say "I'm feeling very angry in response to what you just said, and I think it would be a very bad thing if you forced me to go out there." (He'd asked me to go out into the waiting room for five minutes to pretend that the session was over, it was a clever idea that I very nearly implemented.) There was a standoff for a few seconds, then the said "I'm not going to force you," and extended his hand, which I shook.

Then we talked about what was going on, reached an understanding about what had happened, and went on with business.

That's not what would have happened when I started therapy. (There's a few things that could have happened, none of them good.)

 

[anthony]

Well done. I'm a big fan of acknowledging all progress. PTSD is two steps forward, one step back, two steps forward, five steps back... etc etc. Many people don't acknowledge their positives, so well done.

I can say that from experience, especially as a veteran, as anger was a huge issue for me. Consumed years of my life... to where today it is toned down, put away, yet well and truly under control.

 

[BlueOrange]

Thanks :)

I'm feeling a lot more confident about life in general now that I know that I can leave myself open, get triggered, get triggered some more, recognize the problem before I lose control, and maintain control while defusing the situation. I knew that opening up to this new guy was a risk, and I'm really glad it paid off.