Anger: So Sick

[Mahtalat]

I am so sick of feeling out of control. I am so sick of Fathers controlling their legally adult daughters. I am so sick of pain. I am so sick and angry of the system. Of this rat race. Of guilt and college. I am so sick of getting drilled in class. So sick of being given only 3-4 days to learn an entire system of math and then expected to know it the 5th day. I am so sick of 50 minute detentions for missing 3-5 minutes of class. I'm so sick that they can keep you from graduating for that! I am so sick of knowing 'they're' still out there. I'm so sick of the lack of separation between church and state. I'm so sick of my rights denied. So sick of the corruption. So sick of National ID cards, and RFID chips, and passports. So sick of 'money'. So sick of Debt. I'm so sick sick sick. I'm so sick of being sick. I'm so sick of having Triggers. I'm so sick of being a foreigner not just to this country, but to the world. I'm so sick of the cold shoulders, so sick of not being able to go the 'Extra mile'. I'm so sick of smiling when I feel like crying. I'm so sick of having a heart! So sick of a messed up law. So sick of being estranged, so sick of failing energy. So sick that it's 1a.m. I'm so sick of being sick. So sick of wondering why. Why it happens, why is life this way? So sick of it. So sick...I'm going to bed!

 

[Mahtalat]

I'm so sick of being paranoid!

Okay I'm done. I just had to get that off my chest before I went to bed.

 

[Mahtalat]

Gah...I'm so sick of...a lot of things. (Alright...now I'm going to bed). It just feels so good to Rant about all the little things you're sick of just to 'yell' it out to scream AHHHH, and then to go back to 'life'.

 

[cragger65]

Glad you could get all that off your chest. :)

 

[Mahtalat]

(A new I'm so sick!) My grandfather is sick. I'm crying now because they don't know whats wrong. He can't keep any food down, he keeps throwing it up. He was in the hospital for 2 weeks and still...the doctors don't know whats wrong. He came home a few days ago, this Friday. But still every night he goes in and throws up. And I think if the doctors don't know what's wrong...and he can't keep any food down, then what if he starves to death. And of course Insurance is a bitch. I keep thinking...What if he dies?

I know someone's father who is a complete ass. He's not even my father and he makes me so angry.

I feel like I can't escape. No matter where I move, or who I live with. There's always going to be someone trying to 'control' things around me. I hurt inside. So badly.

School is hard. It's so stressful. I don't know how to handle the stress. I keep trying to breathe and relax. But sometimes all I can think of is dragging myself out to bed, dragging myself to school, and making it through the day.

I have to hold into account its late at night. I am an insomniac, and night time is when I am most prone to depression. Night time is when I'm alone.

I'm listening to music, and I'm crying, and I'm thinking. I don't even think he knows how much I care my grandfather, I never show it. (I am not the kind of person who shows those kind of things). But I do love him.

And I don't know why I'm crying now, I don't know whats wrong.