Angry At My Therapist

[Leah123]

Hi all,

I just need a safe place to vent. This isn't anything earth-shaking, but I am upset at my therapist, and I've already written to her why, and I'm still mad but don't particularly want to "yell" at her.

I had an amazing dream last night, but a scary one. I wrote to her and said I didn't want to detail everything but that at the conclusion of the dream, I'd been informed it would be the day I died. I told her I felt scared.

She wrote a reply full of assumptions and trite psychobabble, I'm a bit surprised she'd do that with me after all our work together.

I feel like I had this dream:
Link Removed

Very pure, real, deep and amazing, structured and soulful, and having heard back her cheap irrelevant interpretation, I feel.... like it's corrupted- kind of like an artist showing a canvas to a mentor who just drags their fingers through the still drying paint and ruins the vision.

It's like this now, in a way:
Link Removed

I am already 90% sure that she will understand my reply to her and we will sort this out peacefully, but I have anger leftover.

I think she just 'phoned one in' on her reply to me. That happens. She's a wonderful therapist for me, so this isn't a relationship-changer per se, but I'm still angry, I think part of it is just a PTSD reaction... I just feel like yelling still, flailing in anger, primed for an argument, thought it might help to let some of it out here, that others could relate to having more anger than is helpful.

I do have some history with misunderstandings. One of them cost me my mother, so.... I can see why I'm upset, extra upset. My therapist is pretty clear that miscommunications are unusually hard for me and I mostly agree with her, right now though, I'm just ticked!!

 

[Abstract]

Good for you for expressing the extra anger here and therefore containing it's effect on your relationship. It sounds like she messed up and with something that was deeply important to you.

It can be very hard when someone doesn't see from the outside what we have on the inside. It's also normal and human of course. People can't mindread and they have a different script and past that they are reading from so one thing that we can be sure of is that it will happen. It's part of being human and different unique human beings. It doesn't mean we have to like it though.

 

[Leah123]

Thanks for empathizing Abstract.

I think my real anger stems from her *trying* to mind read. I didn't ask her to, I did not want her to, I did not detail the dream or ask for a dream interpretation, which is what I do with her when I want to do dream work. So, for her to try the mind reading trick and fail miserably is what gets me, like she should know better.

I just wanted her to hear it was a powerful but somewhat scary dream, and react to that, but instead she gave a completely irrelevant reply.

 

[arfie]

Wishing to give more empathy, Leah. This is confusing stuff. Hoping you get it all sorted in your own way.

What your post sparked from my own personal experience was the projecting I have done just before every breakthrough I have made in my own recovery. As I approach the critical moment, my psyche resists mightily, looking for any and all possible reason to avoid the confrontation which ultimately leads to the breakthrough. The person working through the process with me is invariably the number one target of my resistance. Just my personal experience.

hoping you find your own resolution.

 

[Leah123]

I can see how that would be relevant in some cases, indeed, I have had another experience with her several months ago where what you described was a bit closer to my experience, but in this case, she was filling in the blanks, haha, not me. In this case, she didn't give me any new truths either, so there wasn't a realization for me to combat against, she fell back on the 101 response to dreams.

This instance is simpler: my anger stems from her dismissive reply. She really went to the therapist book of cliches in her response, and I was surprised. She did this very simple, very literal, really off base interpretation, though I didn't detail the dream for her, kind of like a palm reader would or something. She just took one reference point and made a bunch of assumptions from there- it was a lazy reply.

 

[Leah123]

It was her "I want you to feel better" instinct kicking in, I should clarify that. My therapist, I think, had good intentions, upon hearing I felt scared, to try and defuse the fear, but the way she did it was invalidating. It's something we've dealt with before on occasion. Sometimes, fear needs to be logically argued away I suppose, but I find it most helpful, typically, when I am afraid, to just be able to share it, and by sharing it, ease it and take comfort in having company with my feelings, as that's something I'm not used to with my history of abuse and dissociation.

So, that's all.... I wanted her to meet me on a feeling level, and she met me on an intellectual level, and not in her best moment, haha. I believe it's a bit of an occupational hazard of her and I doing therapy remotely... for all I know she'd just finished a lovely Sunday morning omelet and was in a drowsy, skim-my-post state of mind when she replied. Here's hoping it's that simple! As for me, I've had a particularly tough weekend, so I'm primed for cranky.

I'm just trying not to be so reactive in her direction as to exacerbate this short-term misattunement. Dealing with anger is not my strongest skill, but.... one I'm working on.

 

[atthree]

My thought on Therapist is "The path is no longer my own." and sharing dreams is way out there. It's like at a Christian church interpreting tongues. Never understood the outburst.

She may have another issue that is in the works here.

PS: Sorry, years of being misunderstood I look at the other person

 

[Leah123]

Thanks so much for that atthree. I do believe sharing dreams is sharing very sensitive material which requires delicacy, knowledge, and insight to do well, but it is a special study of hers, work she enjoys. I try to share mine with her and usually emerge pleased with the results of collaborating, but this was an uncommonly deep and meaningful and sensitive one, so I was not wanting to do dream interpretation with her right now, just to share that it was a bit troubling and I was feeling scared.

I will be interested to hear 'what is in the works' when she replies to me... I'm going based on our prior interactions, and hope it was a simple misunderstanding: I know the more figurative the language gets, the more easily that can happen, and coming fresh from the dream, I was in that more abstract mindset.

 

[Pencil]

I wanted her to meet me on a feeling level, and she met me on an intellectual level,

Forgive me Leah, but I'm going to quote you out of context on my own thread ...

 

[Leah123]

Please feel free- I did read some of your most recent long post, and I wanted to be there for you, but the only thing I could think of offhand was that I wanted to give you a big hug.

 

[Pencil]

Thank you, that is, ironically, what I need most. :hug:

I have to say I wish I could manage to be pissed and still be funny, like you. When I'm angry I just go stupid.

 

[Deleted member 1860]

I think that a lot of this boils down to miscommunication which is easy to do when we communicate only over text. Have you considered not contacting her outside of session unless you're in crisis? All of my therapists pretty much had this rule and while I hated it at times, I was forced to become self sufficient and problem solve for myself up until the point I reached crisis mode. After all, the goal of therapy is to not need therapy, and therapists who put themselves out there as available between sessions (when we're not in crisis) aren't necessarily fostering independence and self-sufficiency, rather dependence.