Anniversary Approaching...

[Blackbird89]

Monday will mark 8 years since I was kidnapped, drugged, tortured and raped repeatedly by two young men I knew very well. This is my first year I'm trying to make it through sober and I really want nothing more than to completely shut off. I'm so tired of trying to make therapy work and stay clean.
I can't stop thinking about scoring and ending everything. I don't want to live like this anymore. I thought after 8 years and justice, I would be able to handle myself. Truth is, nothing has changed. It was still yesterday in my mind.

 

[Jnean]

feeling like yesterday in my mind sounds familiar. Damn, you are a survivor! Eight years later I'm glad your talking to us. I'm sorry that you had that horror. I'm amazed at your resilience and even the most resilient need to not be strong all the time. It makes me sad that people hurt you so much. Hugs if you accept them. I'm not great at advice. Just glad you shared, for me it helps to know I'm not alone, you have probably heard that before I'm sure, it's nice to be reminded when all you can remember is the bad because it still feels like yesterday in your mind. It does feel like nothing has changed when this is happening to me, I suppose what helps me is to think about the changes around me that occurred, I don't know if that makes sense but sometimes it helps bring me back enough to where I won't shutdown.

 

[The Black Phoenix]

It's really hard to keep going when you've seen how dark life can be, so I won't be a tool and give you platitudes about life getting better. I don't have any good advice, so I will say, all you can do is try. One step at a time.

 

[Deleted member 31998]

Just you hold on girl. It's hard and what you went through sounds scary, rough and unspeakable. Whatever the justice may be, you are here now with the world at your fingertips. The power within you is what will help you fluorish. It sounds like you are willing and desiring a change. It can take years and still feel fresh in your mind, but we are all here to listen and support you in your times of need. It is remarkable that you are where you are now :) As much as those words may seem tiring to hear, it also sounds like you have made so much progress.

Warmest Wishes,
Jasmine