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Anniversary reaction

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Kaylove498

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So this time last yeary mother in law had a heart attack and I had to do for on her I was alone at first when it happened she was in the hospital for weeks unconscious we weren't even sure she would make it.

Tomorrow will be the anniversary of her heart attack she's alive and well but I woke up today in full panic on high alert and feeling like I did when she had the heart attack.

I had a very hard time with it last year.i wouldn't sleep eat I was having panic attack after panic attack went to alot of doctors all to be diagnosed with ptsd.

Out of concern of these feelings I looked up what's going on and it brought up the anniversary effect or reaction has anyone else heard of this.

I'm I gonna go through the same feelings again? it was the worst thing I ever dealt with.

What could I do to cope if the anniversary effect is real?
 
Some years I don’t have to deal with anniversaries whatsoever. They’re just a day, like any other day. Some years they hit hard.

When I’m being smart, I plan on them hitting hard, and have the time built into my schedule to deal with... ideally somewhere fun, doing something fun... but worst case scenario; my kid somewhere fun, doing something fun, whilst I take the day to be a miserable SOB in peace. That way? If it’s not a hard day either I’m out having a banging adventure “for no reason”, and if it is a hard day I’m set the FAWK up to both be bleeding stress & distracted & have time away from my life/responsibilities. Or, worst case / I can’t go anywhere so I’ve sent my kid off somewhere... I have a day to myself if it’s not a hard day, and a day to myself if it is a hard day.

When I’m not being smart/planning ahead... whatever happens, happens, and it’s just rolling with it, as it comes. Sometimes this works out in quirky ways. Like I had no idea that I took an “annual vacation” for years and years, until my boss was like YO! Friday! Can we PLEASE get your annual vacation on the books this year??? (WTF? I don’t... Oh.) I’d simply never twigged that the same week, year after year, I was giving last minute notice to work, pulling my kid out of school, and taking off to the mountains to snowboard for a week. Every year. Like clockwork. Because in my head? It was “spontaneous”. Other times? It’s like my dad & tax season... everyone ELSE knows I’m a raging bitch that time of year (not tax season, different season), but I was clueless about it. Whachootalkin’bout??? I’m sweet as sugar and twice as nice! :angel: cough. Or maaaaaaybe not, on reflection? Damn.

Some years it doesn’t happen.
Some years it happens, but I’m not aware of it.
Some years it happens, when I’m not expecting or prepared for it.
Some years I plan for it.
 
That makes me feel better although I wish you didn't have to deal with the pain stress and anxiety like I do but knowing this is normal helps me feel more normal if that makes sense.

For about a month I've been extremely depressed and wrapped my self up in deep cleaning all day everyday to staying busy with the kids.if I'm not doing either of those I find something to do or just sleep.tge last row days have been filled with anxiety and constant home cooking even though I'm not eating.I guess it's a way for me to keep my mind busy.

I hope it passes soon because mentally I'm exhausted and physically I can't seem to relax enough.

I've been having nightmares again and crying spells that go from full blown snot bubbles to me becoming numb all over again.

I wish you the best and hope you can overcome this and maybe one day I will to.

I never thought helping someone survive could break me like this.

I was In medical field so when she went out and her pulse was gone the medical mindset took over and I treated her as a patient.once the medical side left and I had to face that it was my mother in law and the state that she was in at the time I lost it mentally and emotionally.and until recently I never heard of the anniversary reaction.
 
I was In medical field so when she went out and her pulse was gone the medical mindset took over and I treated her as a patient
Same token, though... that also means you know MOST people, who need chest compressions? Outside of a hospital? Don’t survive.

It’s a huge mindf*ck, working on someone you love with that knowledge; part of you breaking knowing they’re probably dead already, part of you fighting to give them a chance/any chance, part of you focused/intent/professional, part of you wanting to howl at the sky... and shoving that all away... as much as possible... only right here, right now, doing what needs doing.

It’s not really any surprise that some of that haunts... when they DO survive. Or rather, it was a surprise to me, until someone laid it out for me like ^^^that^^^. When you shove grief/fear/pain/et al away, to do what needs doing? If they DO die, it floods out. When they don’t? It can get a little stuck, sometimes, instead of fading away like mist. Powerful feelings, with nowhere to go. Waiting. And with us.

I decided I’d rather take that,,, the echoes of what I was afraid of... rather than the alternative, and replace echoes with true grief at losing them.

It still sucks. It just sucks maybe just a bit less.
 
Hey Kay,

You asked what can you do with it... IME let yourself feel whatever you are feeling / postponed a year ago & couldn't get into it then.

One of those things that's still too fresh for me, for things a few months away or year max - but seriously, trying to not feel it yet longer only means bits & pieces return with vigor through years and anniversary-up in more years, IME...

Where dealing with it soonest possible and just letting it out may mean the whole thing doesn't stress you for as many years as when bottling it up.

IME anniversary sy doesn't correlate just to what happened & how long ago, but much more how worked on and processed it was since then.

And it's fine if 'I processed this whole' that is a non event for years or decades hits you like a freight train one moment, too. Doesn't mean you did it wrong, healing up... means you healed up exceptionally, just your life is something you lived, and still real.

Which, since you also deal with as heavy derealization? :sneaky: Is actually the spin I take to mine to help me - as that very issue with anniversaries is a stellar proof I am real, my life is real, my memory of it is real, and I am quite sane - with clear recall of it, even... and well sane otherwise in all times I don't recall - as that means not being disturbed and acing compartmentalization & functioning.
 
So this time last yeary mother in law had a heart attack and I had to do for on her I was alone at first when it happened she was in the hospital for weeks unconscious we weren't even sure she would make it.

Tomorrow will be the anniversary of her heart attack she's alive and well but I woke up today in full panic on high alert and feeling like I did when she had the heart attack.

I had a very hard time with it last year.i wouldn't sleep eat I was having panic attack after panic attack went to alot of doctors all to be diagnosed with ptsd.

Out of concern of these feelings I looked up what's going on and it brought up the anniversary effect or reaction has anyone else heard of this.

I'm I gonna go through the same feelings again? it was the worst thing I ever dealt with.

What could I do to cope if the anniversary effect is real?
Hi my dad died Suddenly in front of me when I was 15 from heart attack, it really affected me, last week my mums anniversary, she passed away two years, my sister, my brother and me cared for her, I spoke to my mum nearly every day, I broke down in front of my 18 year old son, I’ve never cried in front of my son, the only thing I will say you need to just go with it not fight it, and just be gentle on yourself, you take care:)
 
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