Annoyed and I haven't even had the intake yet

[Gs172003]

I have an intake coming up, and I'm already annoyed. It's a clinic that does all telehealth or home health. (Therapists that come to your home? 0.o) Basically I called and they picked someone for me in their practice. They picked a woman and I wanted to try a guy therapist. Oh well. Telehealth isn't ideal, but I don't want to deal with any in-person ones right now. I'm too burned out searching for one and too spooked to do in-person intakes at the moment... so maybe this is a good thing for right now. I googled and the one they picked had a few decades of experience in a lot of settings, is CBT and EMDR trained. She also does home therapy for geriatric dementia patients.

My goals for therapy right now are:

1.) Find a safe human to talk to about current life stressors.
2.) If/when I need and I am ready to do trauma work or sort out other supports, I would like to have someone in my corner to help sort that out. Which probably needs to happen sooner than later.
3.) Strategies to handle a co-morbid disorder (no information if she has any experience with it, they said I could ask at the intake.)

My goals feel too silly, except for #3. I don't want to do any trauma work. Just not in the place to do it. I'm not sure it's possible to avoid it coming up, but I'm sure going to try. What I really need is probably something different though. I have a lot of super high symptoms at the moment. I'm also annoyed about all of it, and I'm not sure why.

Should I go through with this intake? It will cost me nothing to do it, but I don't think it's what I need... but maybe it would turn out to be good enough?

Yes. You should.

 

[Sideways]

Why do this at all? Why not walk away from trying?

Nope. You’re going back to black/white solutions here.

Healing is a process. Right now? This kind of T is only causing you more distress, and you have other types of support in place that are currently working more effectively for you.

A traditional T may become an viable option for you in the future. Right now, the reality seems to be that meeting a new T, combined with the clinical processes that go along with consulting a T (medical stuff - direct trigger) isn’t the right fit for you.

Skills? Can be learned elsewhere, by other methods. Now, or later.

Pull apart your symptoms, your function, tracking your distress levels and stressor levels through your journal. This is not a good time for you to walk into a situation that you know is a trigger.

Finding support? Think laterally. It comes from all sorts of places. Like social workers (like that idea), or peer support programs, that you connect with through a community-based organisation rather than a clinical organisation.

I think you’re just asking too much of yourself right now. You have therapy burnout from a series of truly awful experiences, and “clinicians” are probably a trigger for you at the moment.

People heal in all different ways - this isn’t a “give up” moment. It’s a self-compassion moment. Route A is causing you way too much distress atm. So, let’s investigate alternative routes, and reinvest in the current supports that are working.

 

[Justmehere]

Because of some things that I’m going through right now I really need a totally confidential place to talk it through and that rules out a lot of peer support and community organizations.

Argh. Not sure what to do next.

 

[ButterflyBean]

@Justmehere, I’ve been thinking about perspective a lot lately... I have two questions. I completely understand and respect your need for confidentiality, which means less or no reliance on peer support; however, I’m wondering what an ideal therapeutic relationship looks like for you? What qualities do both you and the prospective therapist need to have with consistency? Secondly and similarly, I’m wondering what the ideal therapeutic environment looks like and consists of from both a physical and safety standpoint? If you can think about, and describe (even picture) that, picking the specifics apart might help you get closer to what you need. You are worthy and deserving of helpeful support!