Another Date - Flashbacks And Crying!

[becvan]

Easy there girl! Your doing just fine.

I didn't hit my freak out point with Ryan till two months into it (mind you... I was in denial about dating him to begin with! lol.) Slow down some. Tell him what your comfortable with and what your not.

Also, him commenting that he might have been able to help some is him opening that door. Time to start teaching! Teach him what flashbacks and anxiety attacks look like for you, and what is the best things he can do. (did this to my Ryan and it's working great.)

He sounds like he's very willing to work with you on this and that is great news!

Now, don't be too hard on yourself and try to relax some (yeah I know much easier said than done.. lol)

bec

 

[pandora]

Thanx everyone..........i did try explaining yesterday and he was very understanding! It was hard and it feels like there is so much more I could say but I never know how much too much!

 

[Damiea]

I would say the best way to judge how much is ok.. is by how you feel about what you are saying! if it feels like its ok to say it.. say it.. if it feels like its to much.. then stop and say you will talk more later! don't push yourself to say more then you are comfortable with.. even if he seems willing to hear more.

 

[pandora]

I am usually more of a talker on the net. In person, I often clam up! I just don't want to scare him off. Might be something to do about my mother telling me "I tell people too much".so sometimes I doubt myself, like a lot.

 

[pandora]

Or my brother laughing in my face when I told him i needed time to heal. Told me "Why is it always about you..you are so f***ed. That was two years ago, I have kept that boundary there for my well being!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Pandora,

There goes the negative thoughts again....Hello.....You are so over your mother and brother......Remember???? This is your time....We don't allow negative people to put negative thoughts in our heads. That was THEN.....This is NOW!!!!!!!

Wen

 

[pandora]

Thank You She Cat, i know sometimes I tend to think negative.a lot of the time but slowly I am changing. Thank You for the reality check!

 

[Deleted member 541]

Pandora,

I was at that point to yrs ago. I know how tough it is to get out of the negative thought crap. But you can do this. If you allow those thoughts(negative) all you are doing is giving power over to your abusers. Stand up tall, and take back that power with positve thoughts. Don't ever let the bastards win....

Wen

 

[pandora]

You are right...I know that what they say is not fair or real..I am soooo much better than how they have treated me, sometimes those negative words just TRY to take over....it is up to me to not allow that anymore.
I am a good person. Everyone says that...other than my mother and brother. So I won't let them win anymore....and I don't think they are but some days are harder than others.

 

[Deleted member 541]

Pandora,

When you can see that your doing it...That's half the battle. Changing what you think will be a little harder but you can do this.

It's just changing a few words here and there. Like Veiled has said before. Instead of say 'I am stupid" when you do something wrong...Say..."That was stupid." It is still giving the thought that the task was stupid, but taking the negative off of you.....

You do have the power, because you have acknowledged there is a problem......You can change it too, so that the outcome is a positive, instead of negative. Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wen

 

[pandora]

Thanx She Cat............You are right, now i just want to be the winner in this battle but some days the oponent is stronger............realistically, i know I am strong, just have to continue changing my thought processes, harder than i ever thought when beginning this journey. i am thankful as you have stated that i realize I am doing it...i didn't for a number of years. I will do this...I know I will....it just takes so much time and effort so now i have to change my thought to....I really am worth it...(and beleive it, for good)