Relationship Another Isolation/push/pull Question

[Chris516]

I may have already asked in my 'Push/Pull' thread.

Is isolation basically part of when the sufferer pushes people away, or can the two be separate?

 

[Deleted member 1860]

They can be separate in that I can actively do things to push people away or I can just shut down and not give a damn while isolating, without the intent of pushing people away. It may sound confusing but I see the actions as very different.

 

[Chris516]

Solara, No it isn't confusing, now. Until you replied and gave my mind clarity, the two seemed inextricably linked.

 

[Deleted member 24866]

"Is isolation basically part of when the sufferer pushes people away, or can the two be separate?"

Separate. Homelessness prime example.

Separate, being locked in a cellar..

Separate, understanding is another example you can have a thousand people around you, but if no one understands it feels unbearable.

Pushing away may go in the second case I suppose. Just a couple thoughts

 

[Meadowsweet]

I haven't read the push/pull thread, so I might be misunderstanding this one, if they're linked.

Isolation for me is often about walking away before anyone can get close, never accepting invitations, not keeping in touch, returning a call, seeming disinterested when I do communicate. So if I can have passive isolation, I will.

Isolation, ie pushing people away, has happened when that person has been involved in triggering a more severe reaction. I needed to be allowed to isolate and get myself to a better place. I would have liked to have walked away quietly, and have had someone waiting for when I got better. But people create all sorts of 'hidden meaning' to explain a friends isolation, When I'm in that place where I need to isolate, I'm so shut inside my head, that it isn't possible for my mind to find an explanation.

 

[Tinyflame]

For me, isolation can have different motivations. Sheer exhaustion. Too many triggers (which might include the person). Fear (which may be for 'bad' (should be fearful) or 'good' reasons (other person is kind/ done nothing wrong). Self hatred/ feeling gross or contagious. Running away because I feel that's better for them. SI. Numbness (which may be numbness or anger included or a numbness/ 'forgetfulness of people/ memories' that preceeds SI). The end of the relationship.

 

[Chris516]

Thank you for the additional perspectives!!:happy:

 

[Tinyflame]

I would say, just for myself, isolating is easy, but the decision to do so or the push-and-pull to not do so is not an easy decision to make or easy to override.

 

[Chris516]

So Junebug, You mean it is easy in one direction. But hard in another direction?

 

[Tinyflame]

@Chris516 , no, just for me, more so it's easy to isolate, difficult to override it, or persevere, or more specifically to even figure out if I should be overriding it, or to have hope that not-isolating is anything but futile in the long run. Isolating allows me to turn off any thoughts about it whatsoever.

 

[Chris516]

Junebug, Thank you for telling me.