Another Tail Of The Ex

[sonicwhite]

ok, wulp. I had another dream well dreams of my ex. We have been apart going on eleven years. I blocked her on fb. I will not submit myself to jealousy or pain so I do not look at her or want to be involved with her life. I do not stalk her. I do not talk about her. I just keep the pain inside bottled up. I mean I hate this. Been single almost three years and been single from true love for eleven. I just can't stop thinking about all the bad I did. I mean forgive myself. I want God to bring me a lady that will cover the wounds and heal me from the inside out. Out of all the type of nightmares and dreams these hurt the most.


I'm not really all that good looking. My self confidence left me when I had to fight a bout of OCD back in 08 . I feel I wasted my twenties on recovery when I should of at least found a Christian gal that wanted to be with me and I with her. I'm almost 31 now. On SSDI. Things to my perspective don't look good. I want my fervent desire to serve the Lord back. I want to grow what tools I have into a ministry. I want a lady that takes the emptiness in my heart out. What can I do when all I do is stay at home. I get anxious going out. I feel I'm up against a wall that I can't climb. Please keep me in your prayers that God will give me a wife that will understand. Not judge or look at money signs but will say this person has a sincere heart and has been what I have been looking for. Man, I hate the dreams of my ex cuz they send me back to a time in which I used to wish I can change but now trying my hardest to accept and learn from the mistakes I made.

 

[twinkle30]

I feel the same way. I am 30 and feel like I wasted my 20s. I am also Christian and would like to find someone else who is. The good news is that I know plenty of people who didn't get married until their late 30s some even in their 40s. Those seem to be the people who are happier in their marriage. Maybe because they didn't settle. Best of luck to you, prayers.

 

[sonicwhite]

THank you @twinkle30

 

[sonicwhite]

The event that broke us up was a drug induced psychosis. I was in jail with no advocate to help me. I thought the jail was a human meat market and where chopping ppl up and it was in the last days. After I get out I see her. All changed by drugs and I was broken hearted. Five more grueling months went by until I regained part of my life back which was my sanity.



I just want the wound to close and heal. I don't want salt poured on it by these dreams. It's not a fact that I'm not over her. I have tried everything in my power to stop these dreams but they just keep coming. I wish her the best in life. I wish everyone that. I don't know but end time dreams. Mixed with her just leave a bad taste in my mouth. Please please pray for me that they will end. Or some miracle happens and I'm lifted out of the pit of despair.

 

[sonicwhite]

Oh, btw my doc is reducing my anti psychotic and taking the Paxil away. Then we're going to move to even more meds. He says that he thinks reducing the meds is the answer. I have been feeling better during the day. It's just those few hours after waking up I kinda got to shake off what I dreamed.