Antidepressants don't fully help

[Iyllsa]

I was just wondering why even though I'm taking antidepressants I'll still get moments where I feel severely depressed and get suicidal thoughts. It's different while on the pills, though, because when I get suicidal thoughts I feel determined at one point or another.

It's definitely improved. I don't feel depressed 24/7 and the feelings of depression don't last forever. I was able to end them by taking a shower, which used to never help. It used to make it worse.

I know antidepressants aren't a cure all and I plan on learning CBT from therapy, but I was wondering why I still get these feelings when something simple happens to make me sad. One moment was bad enough to send me to the hospital and that was fun.

 

[Deleted member 37474]

I think the dose has something to do with it and like my T said, they sort of help "take the edge off" of how you feel, but you will still feel.

 

[Iyllsa]

I just don't like how when I do get suicidal thoughts, I feel determined while on medication because I feel that's pretty dangerous.

 

[EveHarrington]

Is it possible that you may need a different antidepressant? :hug:

 

[Iyllsa]

I'm still only about a month's in with this antidepressant so I'm not sure how much longer I need to try it out.

 

[joeylittle]

I'm still only about a month's in with this antidepressant so I'm not sure how much longer I need to try...

Whether you can know yet or not about the drugs full effectiveness will be med- and dose- dependent.

CBT is an essential tool for managing any kind of suicidal thinking.

It’s quite normal to go through exactly the cycle you describe - you are feeling overall a bit better, which includes thinking more clearly, which can lead to a different ‘pull’ towards those suicidal thoughts. Instead of simply being emotionally motivated, they may now appear almost rational. Just remember - they aren’t.

No antidepresant will take away the ability to feel sadness; the ones that are optimal will raise the bottom threshold of the lowest lows, to something more manageable. But you have PTSD, and so, that is only one piece of a very complicated puzzle.

Are you working with a therapist right now, while you are starting the psych med? And what other changes have you made in your daily routine, to support your mental health?

 

[Iyllsa]

Whether you can know yet or not about the drugs full effectiveness will be med- and dose- dependent....

Yes. I'm seeing both my therapist and psychiatrist once a week. I mentioned this to my psychiatrist so at least she's aware of my thoughts.

Because there were other side effects that weren't so enjoyable and caused distress my psychiatrist said it's up to me if I want to try another medication.

 

[Iyllsa]

I think medication has caused my opinion and way of thinking toward suicide to shift permanently.

First, with nortriptyline causing me to feel complete apathy, I now can't feel guilt when I think about suicide and leaving people. The guilt used to tear me apart, but ever since I felt the apathy and went through the process of no longer feeling any guilt or sadness toward suicide, it's like it no longer processes in my mind. It's "just whatever."

Now with antidepressants, it feels like I'm more capable or ready and even more okay with the idea of my life ending. I don't think it's even me thinking that things won't improve. I think things possibly can improve, but I just feel okay with the thought of suicide and dying and no longer existing. I don't know why, but it's not bothersome. I just know it's not correct.

 

[bento]

Now with antidepressants, it feels like I'm more capable or ready and even more okay with the idea of my life ending. I don't think it's even me thinking that things won't improve. I think things possibly can improve, but I just feel okay with the thought of suicide and dying and no longer existing. I don't know why, but it's not bothersome. I just know it's not correct.

That's really concerning lylisa. Sounds like another med might be more suitable??
It's really smart that you're in good communication with your support team. Hopefully
you find something that's a better fit.
Don't know if this makes a shred of sense, but I find those type of thoughts will creep into
my thinking when I start eating high sugar, high processed food and also when drinking
alcohol (also a lot of sugar). Don't know if you're sugar sensitive but you might want to
look at that as well. It never hurts to eat more whole unprocessed foods.

Best of luck to you!!