In the last year I've been working to improve my life. I've made a few goals. Education, employment, drivers license and social.
I've already got my high school diploma. I returned last year to an adult high school to improve my grades. The worst of the courses is Math. I've come to learn that my performance anxiety is linked to the evolutionary trait of "performance anxiety". What used to be a life and death thing for early prehistoric humans (gathering food, protecting the group successfully, being resourceful) is still within us today, but shows up nowadays in forms that seem almost trivial - like Math is for me. I won't die if I don't understand Math or perform badly. But the same areas in my brain light up like a fireworks show.
Employment is still an ongoing process. I have an interview next week (three days!) and it does bring on anxiety, but it's one I suspect most people go through.
I'm hoping to get my drivers license. I'm turning 30 in a few months. Driving terrifies me. All sorts of thoughts fly through my head even without being behind the wheel. "What if you get distracted, like you ALWAYS do?", "You want me to go THAT fast? No way!" and the ever classic "How does this thing even work?" are just to name a few.
Social is a bigger category. I've been told I act natural in front of a group, that I don't seem to have the level anxiety of certain people. I do. I just have learned how to cope better.
These and many other anxieties aren't what I would call "a walk in the park". But I have noticed a pattern. When I'm challenging myself to do more productive things with my life, these anxieties often come up. It's like the feelings come up behind me and I go "Oh, hey. I was expecting you to pop up!" At the end of the day, I see them as being good indicators that I'm doing something that's good for myself. If everything were easy in this world, I probably wouldn't know where I was going, what was motivating me to do these things that I do. I'm glad I figured this out.
I've already got my high school diploma. I returned last year to an adult high school to improve my grades. The worst of the courses is Math. I've come to learn that my performance anxiety is linked to the evolutionary trait of "performance anxiety". What used to be a life and death thing for early prehistoric humans (gathering food, protecting the group successfully, being resourceful) is still within us today, but shows up nowadays in forms that seem almost trivial - like Math is for me. I won't die if I don't understand Math or perform badly. But the same areas in my brain light up like a fireworks show.
Employment is still an ongoing process. I have an interview next week (three days!) and it does bring on anxiety, but it's one I suspect most people go through.
I'm hoping to get my drivers license. I'm turning 30 in a few months. Driving terrifies me. All sorts of thoughts fly through my head even without being behind the wheel. "What if you get distracted, like you ALWAYS do?", "You want me to go THAT fast? No way!" and the ever classic "How does this thing even work?" are just to name a few.
Social is a bigger category. I've been told I act natural in front of a group, that I don't seem to have the level anxiety of certain people. I do. I just have learned how to cope better.
These and many other anxieties aren't what I would call "a walk in the park". But I have noticed a pattern. When I'm challenging myself to do more productive things with my life, these anxieties often come up. It's like the feelings come up behind me and I go "Oh, hey. I was expecting you to pop up!" At the end of the day, I see them as being good indicators that I'm doing something that's good for myself. If everything were easy in this world, I probably wouldn't know where I was going, what was motivating me to do these things that I do. I'm glad I figured this out.
