Gizmo... Great big hugs & lots of support & healing energy being sent your way... I am glad you figured out what was best for you...
As you know, I too know that bottomless, or seemingly bottomless & overwhelming fear of losing the one you love so much...
I agree it is better in this situation to focus on the now, to care for both your husband & your self, that in itself takes so much energy, to just focus on what is immediately in front of you & what you need now.
There will be a time for grief, for reaching out, for support but for now enjoy the time you can with your husband & in your own life you are slowly building for your self. It is okay if it is too much now. Enjoy what ever small moments of pleasure you can in between the difficult times, I know it's hard.
Sending you strength & courage, & wishing you some well deserved happiness & peace in your life...
Your friend,
Phoenix
xx