Anxiety/Fear when thinking about work

[whiteraven]

I have an immense amount of anxiety/fear when thinking about work. It starts Sundays, usually, even though I worked Saturday and don't have to go back until Tuesday.

I think work is just a symptom. I think the reason I get so anxious/sad/fearful is that I'm worried I'm going to get in trouble (or blamed for something, whether I did it or not). What would happen? I could get fired. But worse, there's this feeling of being put down or shamed or...I don't know what else.

This fear is paralyzing and I don't know how to deal with it.

 

[Kubash16]

I don’t have any good advice but I want to say you aren’t alone at all.

 

[whiteraven]

I don’t have any good advice but I want to say you aren’t alone at all.

Thank you, @Kubash16.

 

[TruthSeeker]

Sunday’s were always my worst evenings- going back to a fault-finding critical boss at work, not wanting to fail, not feeling good enough..... yadayada- but I put on my smile when I walked into the hall and smiled for the video cameras and pretended.

 

[Warrior Chicken]

Sorry I don’t have advice, but I unfortunately understand. I try to figure out if my fear/anxiety is from the past or present. My boss is a trigger and I need to always check that I’m in the right headspace when I manage that.
It gets exhausting. I’m sorry you have this anxiety/fear

 

[whiteraven]

Sunday’s were always my worst evenings- going back to a fault-finding critical boss at work, not wanting to fail, not feeling good enough..... yadayada- but I put on my smile when I walked into the hall and smiled for the video cameras and pretended.

I realized today it's not just work, although work is probably the worst. I am so anxious about dealing with any professional.

 

[Keming]

suggestion. practice saying out loud: "My work is valuable."

might be really hard to say.
i'm not good at it but i still try.
we deserve positive self-worth and other nice things.

at my last longish job i could just compare my work to the long-term screwups in the next aisle. sometimes hostility is positive and rewarding.

 

[Rani G2]

I'm worried I'm going to get in trouble (or blamed for something, whether I did it or not). What would happen?

@whiteraven yes!!!!! Have been experiencing these thoughts for years/ which for me is more like paranoia. I still do but it has reduced though. Its starts with fear that I have done something terribly wrong ( Working in the medical sector) and someone is going to punish me. I create scenarios in my head and they feel very much real.
What my T said was to make my Body realize that I'm not in a trap. By doing certain movements, listening to music or affirmations.
Not sure if this makes sense, but if I have a narrative in my mind, like "There is someone who is going to criticize me badly ect ect....I make my already knowing-it - coming my strength. It might sound ridiculous maybe but its as if I already know...so I have a plan kind of a thing which is more like I'm not completely helpless... bevause I have soughted out how and which ways to react back...
Not helpless anymore but having power!!!!!

 

[whiteraven]

@whiteraven yes!!!!! Have been experiencing these thoughts for years/ which for me is more like paranoia. I still do but it has reduced though. Its starts with fear that I have done something terribly wrong ( Working in the medical sector) and someone is going to punish me. I create scenarios in my head and they feel very much real.
What my T said was to make my Body realize that I'm not in a trap. By doing certain movements, listening to music or affirmations.
Not sure if this makes sense, but if I have a narrative in my mind, like "There is someone who is going to criticize me badly ect ect....I make my already knowing-it - coming my strength. It might sound ridiculous maybe but its as if I already know...so I have a plan kind of a thing which is more like I'm not completely helpless... bevause I have soughted out how and which ways to react back...
Not helpless anymore but having power!!!!!

Wow. I could have written this myself. Well...the difficult stuff, anyway. I also work in healthcare. The stuff about creating scenarios...exactly what I do. I am so embarrassed by these sorts of things; it really helps to hear that someone else experiences it, too.

I need to find ways to decrease its effects on my daily life. I really like your ideas here; will have to give them a try!

Thank you, @PURUSHA !

 

[Friday]

Boredom f*cks me sideways, because of my history.

The abuse piece... means knowing that if I’m happy, relaxed, enjoying myself? I’m not paying attention. Something is about to go big bad f*cked up and wrong, and I wouldn’t be happy/relaxed/enjoying myself if I were paying attention. I’d be working my ass off to prevent it happening/keenly aware of all the moving pieces... and the longer the quiet parts last? The worse it’s going to be. So it goes from the cold jolt of adrenaline realizing that I don’t know what’s wrong, to nervously waiting for the shoe to drop (unless I’ve gone straight into paranoia, imaging all the things that could go wrong, then it’s imagining all the different shoes about to drop :wtf: which is just extra fun), to waiting for the motherf*cking hammer to fall because if it’s been this long? It’s going to be bad. It’s going to be really bad.

So... to me it makes sense that 1 day into your weekend? :eek: OMFG I don’t know what’s happening at work, if I don’t know what’s happening it’s probably something bad, and that something bad is going to be my fault, and all hell is going to break loose.

What helps me is to shift gears.

Starts off by NOT allowing myself to get bored... but still encouraging the happy/relaxed... by being busy. Not make work, but actual activities I enjoy. Hard work stuff, busy stuff, tiring stuff. (Chores I can squeak in during the week, instead of saving them for when I have “time”. I need fun/busy to keep me occupied ). So that I’ve got the blend of I’m doing shit / taking care of business married to the exact emotions which can drop kick me into bad places (relaxed, enjoying myself)... just to train that association away. Happy/Relaxed? Does NOT have to be spelled D O O M. But I have to work pretty hard for that, in the beginning. S’alright.

Now I’ve got 2 gears... Work-Busy & Fun-Busy.

If those gears grind? I usually have to tweak my Fun-Busy to more imitate Work-Busy, rather than the opposite. For me, this means routines, more than anything. Up/dressed/showered/out the door by a certain time kind of thing, instead of a lie in, or playing it by ear. Or meeting up with people, instead of solo-ing it. Basically, I just keep tetrising different aspects of what makes me feel “okay” until it feels right. Then I do a lot of it. Until I don’t have to think about it, anymore, and I’ve got 2 really solid gears to shift in and out of.

Then? I start adding some more gears. Lie in, solo, pampered to f*ck, chores, etc. Different ways I can spend my off time, without freaking out. If I START to freak out? Shift back into 2nd gear. Which is totally solid from good use, and relax into Fun-Busy. Shift back out into chores, shift back in, etc. Until THOSE gears are just as solid & seperate.

It’s basically training myself that abuse-doesn’t-belong-here... so I don’t need to follow abuse-rules. I’m following OTHER rules. It’s a bit Barney-style, and über structured in the beginning, but over the course of a few years it becomes as easy as practice makes anything.

 

[Fadeaway]

I am on disability but this affects anything that reflects on my performance. If there is a correlation between people who experience things and parental discipline styles.

 

[Gs172003]

Boredom f*cks me sideways, because of my history.

The abuse piece... means knowing that if I’m happy, relaxed, enjoying myself? I’m not paying attention. Something is about to go big bad f*cked up and wrong, and I wouldn’t be happy/relaxed/enjoying myself if I were paying attention. I’d be working my ass off to prevent it happening/keenly aware of all the moving pieces... and the longer the quiet parts last? The worse it’s going to be. So it goes from the cold jolt of adrenaline realizing that I don’t know what’s wrong, to nervously waiting for the shoe to drop (unless I’ve gone straight into paranoia, imaging all the things that could go wrong, then it’s imagining all the different shoes about to drop :wtf: which is just extra fun), to waiting for the motherf*cking hammer to fall because if it’s been this long? It’s going to be bad. It’s going to be really bad.

So... to me it makes sense that 1 day into your weekend? :eek: OMFG I don’t know what’s happening at work, if I don’t know what’s happening it’s probably something bad, and that something bad is going to be my fault, and all hell is going to break loose.

What helps me is to shift gears.

Starts off by NOT allowing myself to get bored... but still encouraging the happy/relaxed... by being busy. Not make work, but actual activities I enjoy. Hard work stuff, busy stuff, tiring stuff. (Chores I can squeak in during the week, instead of saving them for when I have “time”. I need fun/busy to keep me occupied ). So that I’ve got the blend of I’m doing shit / taking care of business married to the exact emotions which can drop kick me into bad places (relaxed, enjoying myself)... just to train that association away. Happy/Relaxed? Does NOT have to be spelled D O O M. But I have to work pretty hard for that, in the beginning. S’alright.

Now I’ve got 2 gears... Work-Busy & Fun-Busy.

If those gears grind? I usually have to tweak my Fun-Busy to more imitate Work-Busy, rather than the opposite. For me, this means routines, more than anything. Up/dressed/showered/out the door by a certain time kind of thing, instead of a lie in, or playing it by ear. Or meeting up with people, instead of solo-ing it. Basically, I just keep tetrising different aspects of what makes me feel “okay” until it feels right. Then I do a lot of it. Until I don’t have to think about it, anymore, and I’ve got 2 really solid gears to shift in and out of.

Then? I start adding some more gears. Lie in, solo, pampered to f*ck, chores, etc. Different ways I can spend my off time, without freaking out. If I START to freak out? Shift back into 2nd gear. Which is totally solid from good use, and relax into Fun-Busy. Shift back out into chores, shift back in, etc. Until THOSE gears are just as solid & seperate.

It’s basically training myself that abuse-doesn’t-belong-here... so I don’t need to follow abuse-rules. I’m following OTHER rules. It’s a bit Barney-style, and über structured in the beginning, but over the course of a few years it becomes as easy as practice makes anything.

I am the same way except the ways I am busy. Great post.