Anxiety/Fear when thinking about work

[pam4him]

Sorry you are having a difficult time with this. Do you have some way to distract yourself to keep your thoughts on enjoying your days off? Some things that might help are listening to music, catching up on movies/tv shows, journaling your thoughts to help get them out of your head, walks, some form of exercise, enjoying a favorite hobby or activity, etc. Perhaps try telling yourself "Ok, it's my day off so how can I make the most of it without thinking about work?" Then do your best to follow through. Should a thought about work arise, write it down and try to let it go. One idea is after you write down the thought, wad it up and throw it away (kind of a visual to actually getting rid of the thought). Then try to turn those negative thoughts into positives. For example: "I could get fired" becomes "I could get a promotion/raise." Do your best while at work, and try to leave it there when you're off. Prayers for peace, strength and wisdom.

 

[willhealeventually]

My most recent job is teaching (from which I was laid off), and Sunday nights were the worst. Although my anxiety would start on Friday night. I completely understand that feeling of dread about returning to work after the weekend. I am very sorry you feel this way - it’s such a difficult challenge.
I’ve been on medical leave for over a month - I was dealing with a lot and my ptsd got triggered pretty badly. During the off time, I began to see how triggering my work was for me and start to recognize some of the triggers.
My T was encouraging me to trace my feelings of dread to something in my past - when did I feel that way? What was I reliving? It was helpful. But I also learned that I hated the job because there was no way I could succeed at it. I dreaded waking up at 5 am to pep myself up to leave the house - every morning. I dreaded what would happen if I were late, which frequently happened because I couldn’t leave on time. I dreaded the exhaustion I would feel from the grueling schedule of teaching 5 roudy classes in a row. And I hated the isolation - which was a better alternative than gossip during lunch, which was the only conversation people seemed capable of. Bottom line is the job was not for me and no matter how I tried to make it work, I was inevitably going to fail. I was set up to fail.
Well, what job is for me? What skills do I have that I would enjoy using? I started soul searching and combing online job boards. Now that I better understand my triggers, I also need to work on my interpersonal skills so it’s not such an effort to interact with others. What are my biggest fears (failure, criticism, bring fired and the shame of that). Why do I care so much if I fail (mom and dad, from my past, would completely ignore me or make me feel like I was nothing). What scares me about people ( that I will say or do something I can’t control and it will be the wrong thing). What scares me about work in general (feeling so exhausted that I can’t even show up, and then get fired). If I get fired, again, I can’t support myself or my kids. That’s scary too. I used to be a perfectionist, but now I worry if I can even deliver what would be good enough.
I have so much identity wrapped up in job insecurity. My worst enemy now is my belief that I actually don’t deserve to even be hired. I try to focus on bring productive, getting new skills, but this belief is always lurking underneath - like I’m trying to fool everyone and they will ultimately learn some horrible truth about me - that I am not fit to take care of myself or family and it’s just a matter of time that I will lose everything.

 

[BlueBerry6999]

I only just found this thread but I would like to add that I can fully relate.
Lately, whenever I had more than one day off work, I got anxiety about going back. Up to the point of feeling physically sick and calling in sick. As a waitress, I didn't have much responsibility, so my main fears revolved around customers or co-workers being rude to me or putting me down- or I thought I might drop something.
The only thing that helped me was to not think about work at all. To just put a smile on my face and pretend to be relaxed. I often can't concentrate on a movie or similar things, but I find taking a walk or doing chores quite useful.

Eventually, the anxiety stopped, but then I quit my job and now I'm starting a new job with way more responsibilities tomorrow- I don't even know what the office looks like or who I'll be working with, so now I'm freaking out again.

But as was already said, distraction helps and learning to control your thoughts.
Imagine you're an actor and pretend you're confident and eventually, you'll begin to actually feel confident.

All the best!

 

[BlueBerry6999]

I'm not sure if I should start a new thread or add to this one, because it fits... Please let me know if this is wrong here.

I have been at my new job for exactly a month now and at first everything seemed perfect. I do like the work itself and the co-workers are really nice, but already now my social anxiety (or whatever it is) is acting up again.
I generally have a problem with male bosses and I'm not used to a small hierarchy where the boss actually gets more respect than the employees, but unfortunately, it is that way now.
So my boss was a bit stressed out and snapped at me last week and because that made me so nervous, I ended up making three more mistakes on the same task which really made him angry. Not that he actually yelled or anything, but I felt his anger and it ruined my day.
Now I can't stop these stupid thoughts that he hates me and is going to fire me and it's a total downward spiral. today, it happened again that he wasn't happy with my work.
Not only do I get really nervous and clumsy, but at the same time, if I feel that something is unfair, I get a bit stubborn.
Even if I don't say anything, it seems people usually realize that I'm resisting on the inside and it's really not helpful.
I barely dare to talk to my boss now even though he's usually really nice and everybody else likes him. It got so bad that I actually forgot how to talk when I tried to tell him something and mixed up normal words. Like today he said: "you're welcome" and I said "thanks to you too". I know this sounds funny but it happens all the time and it's really embarrassing.

Then there's a co-worker, who is also nice but is generally very quiet and not openly friendly or beaming like the others and I can't stop thinking that she can't stand me and finds me annoying. Normally people tell me I'm imagining this, but I really don't believe I am. I want to believe it, but it just doesn't work.

These thoughts are not just minor, they actually make me consider quitting and lead to other thoughts, like the world sucks anyway and there's nothing I can do right and I'll never live up to anyone's expectations, so I'd be better off dead.

The more this stupid downward spiral goes, the worse things will become at work but I don't know how to stop it.

Does anybody know this feeling and has a way to cope?

I know I just said in this thread that distraction helps, but it's not really the anxiety that I need to get rid of- just my general way of ruining every relationship by always thinking they hate me and thus make everything worse...

 

[willhealeventually]

@BlueBerry6999 I really understand this anxiety. I have a tendency to be very critical of myself and try to avoid criticism from others at all costs. It’s coming from my childhood, where I had to do things really well or risk being completely ignored by my mom and stepdad. I felt like my only value was in being perfect or I might as well not exist. I know our situations and “roots” may be different, but it really helps to explore where the anxiety is coming from.
I also tend to mix up my words - exactly as you described - when I feel anxious. I say something out of place and then kick myself for it.
The hierarchy is also difficult for me. I realized early that I don’t like to feel power over me - either male or female. It fills me with rage. Again, this stems from my childhood where I felt helpless and I never want to feel that again. My way of thinking is “all or nothing” - and that’s how I know it’s from the abuse. Add agoraphobia to the mix, and it takes me over an hour to will myself to go out anywhere.
You boss snapping at you may have been a trigger, which ptsd people often have. It’s good to know your triggers and talk with your therapist about ways you can cope. I deal with my triggers every day too - it’s just part of living with ptsd, I’m realizing. It’s then hard to relate to a person who triggered you. It doesn’t feel safe. And lack of safety is a downward spiral.
What helps me is to tell myself that I care but don’t care that much. I had to get to a place where I got so tired from looking for approval that I don’t care that much anymore. It was a big breakthrough. Not caring makes me relax in my situation more. After my original post, I had a chance to really reflect where I am. And I feel like I am going to go to my new job tomorrow and do what I can, but be aware of my triggers and find a quiet place to regroup.
In the past, even before I was diagnosed with ptsd, I tended to dissociate from stress by being super productive - to avoid feeling anything. I’m going to try to do it differently this time and stay aware, stay in the present, practice my breathing, and take a break in a bathroom stall when I need it.
I will be thinking of you and sending you support wherever you are!

 

[TruthSeeker]

I'm not sure if I should start a new thread or add to this one, because it fits... Please let me know if this is wrong here.

I have been at my new job for exactly a month now and at first everything seemed perfect. I do like the work itself and the co-workers are really nice, but already now my social anxiety (or whatever it is) is acting up again.
I generally have a problem with male bosses and I'm not used to a small hierarchy where the boss actually gets more respect than the employees, but unfortunately, it is that way now.
So my boss was a bit stressed out and snapped at me last week and because that made me so nervous, I ended up making three more mistakes on the same task which really made him angry. Not that he actually yelled or anything, but I felt his anger and it ruined my day.
Now I can't stop these stupid thoughts that he hates me and is going to fire me and it's a total downward spiral. today, it happened again that he wasn't happy with my work.
Not only do I get really nervous and clumsy, but at the same time, if I feel that something is unfair, I get a bit stubborn.
Even if I don't say anything, it seems people usually realize that I'm resisting on the inside and it's really not helpful.
I barely dare to talk to my boss now even though he's usually really nice and everybody else likes him. It got so bad that I actually forgot how to talk when I tried to tell him something and mixed up normal words. Like today he said: "you're welcome" and I said "thanks to you too". I know this sounds funny but it happens all the time and it's really embarrassing.

Then there's a co-worker, who is also nice but is generally very quiet and not openly friendly or beaming like the others and I can't stop thinking that she can't stand me and finds me annoying. Normally people tell me I'm imagining this, but I really don't believe I am. I want to believe it, but it just doesn't work.

These thoughts are not just minor, they actually make me consider quitting and lead to other thoughts, like the world sucks anyway and there's nothing I can do right and I'll never live up to anyone's expectations, so I'd be better off dead.

The more this stupid downward spiral goes, the worse things will become at work but I don't know how to stop it.

Does anybody know this feeling and has a way to cope?

I know I just said in this thread that distraction helps, but it's not really the anxiety that I need to get rid of- just my general way of ruining every relationship by always thinking they hate me and thus make everything worse...

@BlueBerry6999 I have had this same kind of thing happen before with jobs and people I thought were friends.

Casual conversation about food has been my go to for blending into a new group. Food is a primary reinforcer (everyone has to eat-right, it is a need, and the better it tastes, the happier we are). Food is found at holidays, family gatherings, Sunday dinners, and is a way people gather. Food is also like the weather, it is something familiar to talk about. I'd start conversations about an old job where people every so often brought in something tasty. We'd converse, and I'd find out what kinds of food people ate....when a topic came up....fresh donuts, cookies, or chilli, I brought some in on a Friday, paper bowls, spoons, and left the pot out. Everyone may not like it....but the thought was there, and I can assure you that someone will.....especially if you give a few people a heads up and invite them to try some of your.....that you are bringing.

At the beginning of the year, I would bring in fresh made donuts twice a month, and maybe coffee or tea depending upon what I see people eating/drinking. Donuts and cookies stay fresh all day, and by the end of the day, everyone usually can't stand watching other people gobble down something so good. Food greases the skids for simple conversation that doesn't have to last long, and I don't know about you, but something specially sweet in the morning or something I didn't have to make is always welcome. When I did nothing, and was in a negative place, there was an invisible wall that said "keep away" and my body language was clearly read "leave me alone". Doing the opposite of what your body language is hard, can be like a chore, but it helps others at work see that you want to communicate and be a part of the workplace. (Most workers/ as well as bosses appreciate coffee and donuts, a moral booster for sure). At holidays, organize a pot luck or I would bring in a low cal vegetable soup for a Friday for times people were dieting. Being in charge of "food" lowers stressers in most people, and puts you in a more friendly light. This is how I coped, and it really did make me more social at work.

 

[whiteraven]

HI @BlueBerry6999 . Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have the exact same issues with mixing words (mine is usually "thanks you") and feeling like people hate me because I tend to misinterpret their behavior.

I do that a little less these days and the only thing that has helped me is to be mindful of what's happening right now. Well, wait. It's likely a combination of that and adopting an I don't care attitude.

It's really hard, though.

 

[BlueBerry6999]

@BlueBerry6999 I really understand this anxiety. I have a tendency to be very critical of myself and try to avoid criticism from others at all costs. It’s coming from my childhood, where I had to do things really well or risk being completely ignored by my mom and stepdad.

*Sorry I don't really know how the quotes work, so this is my clumsy try*
Thank you!! I'm both glad and sorry that you can relate so well and experience similar things... It helps knowing I'm not alone with this.
When I think back, I do find situations that may have caused this anxiety- or at least parts of it. I'm always careful with memories though, because I don't want to make it sound (for myself) like I'm blaming my parents or something. I love them both and they're great. But they were stressed out a lot during my childhood and often very angry. That led to domestic violence in some cases and the fear of somehow making them snap. I haven't talked to a therapist about any of this, so I'm careful not to say that's the cause of everything, but it is a possibility.

@BlueBerry6999
You boss snapping at you may have been a trigger, which ptsd people often have. It’s good to know your triggers and talk with your therapist about ways you can cope. I deal with my triggers every day too - it’s just part of living with ptsd, I’m realizing. It’s then hard to relate to a person who triggered you. It doesn’t feel safe. And lack of safety is a downward spiral.
What helps me is to tell myself that I care but don’t care that much. I had to get to a place where I got so tired from looking for approval that I don’t care that much anymore.

I sometimes experience this as well, but unfortunately, it doesn't stay. Just recently I thought: what's the worst thing that could happen? If they actually do dislike me so much, they can just fire me and I'll find a new job. But thoughts like this usually make me appear cold and angry, which makes everything worse. Also, I start caring again as soon as I'm having one of my happy phases- which then leads to the anxiety and depression again. A vicious circle.

@BlueBerry6999
I will be thinking of you and sending you support wherever you are!

Thank you so much! It means a lot and I really hope your new coping skills will work out... It's not easy to find a balance between distracting yourself too much and worrying too much. Acceptance and self-love/care are the key. Wish you all the best!

 

[BlueBerry6999]

@BlueBerry6999 I have had this same kind of thing happen before with jobs and people I thought were friends.

Casual conversation about food has been my go to for blending into a new group. Food is a primary reinforcer (everyone has to eat-right, it is a need, and the better it tastes, the happier we are). Food is found at holidays, family gatherings, Sunday dinners, and is a way people gather. Food is also like the weather, it is something familiar to talk about. I'd start conversations about an old job where people every so often brought in something tasty. We'd converse, and I'd find out what kinds of food people ate....when a topic came up....fresh donuts, cookies, or chilli, I brought some in on a Friday, paper bowls, spoons, and left the pot out. Everyone may not like it....but the thought was there, and I can assure you that someone will.....especially if you give a few people a heads up and invite them to try some of your.....that you are bringing.

At the beginning of the year, I would bring in fresh made donuts twice a month, and maybe coffee or tea depending upon what I see people eating/drinking. Donuts and cookies stay fresh all day, and by the end of the day, everyone usually can't stand watching other people gobble down something so good. Food greases the skids for simple conversation that doesn't have to last long, and I don't know about you, but something specially sweet in the morning or something I didn't have to make is always welcome. When I did nothing, and was in a negative place, there was an invisible wall that said "keep away" and my body language was clearly read "leave me alone". Doing the opposite of what your body language is hard, can be like a chore, but it helps others at work see that you want to communicate and be a part of the workplace. (Most workers/ as well as bosses appreciate coffee and donuts, a moral booster for sure). At holidays, organize a pot luck or I would bring in a low cal vegetable soup for a Friday for times people were dieting. Being in charge of "food" lowers stressers in most people, and puts you in a more friendly light. This is how I coped, and it really did make me more social at work.

Thank you, that does sound like a good way to get in touch. I was wondering what I could do during my unhappy phases, to let people know I don't suddenly hate them. Usually when I'm happy, I don't find it that hard to communicate and make friends. As soon as my mood gets worse it seems I'm driving them away. (if I'm not only imagining it)
Bringing a home-made cake or brownies would surely be appreciated. A co-worker is leaving next week, so that would be a good opportunity.

 

[BlueBerry6999]

HI @BlueBerry6999 . Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I have the exact same issues with mixing words (mine is usually "thanks you") and feeling like people hate me because I tend to misinterpret their behavior.

I do that a little less these days and the only thing that has helped me is to be mindful of what's happening right now. Well, wait. It's likely a combination of that and adopting an I don't care attitude.

It's really hard, though.

It takes so much self-control to keep these negative thoughts out of your head... I find it especially hard when people tend to use sarcasm quite often. I simply don't understand it and it makes me really nervous not being able to tell if somebody is being serious or not...

 

[willhealeventually]

@BlueBerry6999 this year I took off the last month of my job as sick leave. 3 of those week, I attended an intensive therapy program, where they taught coping skills for trauma. It’s been 7-8 years since my ptsd flared up, but recently is the first time I got help for it. Furthermore, I was misdiagnosed with other things before, which made it hard to get help for the trauma.

Why am I bringing it up? Because I always tried to do it alone, but it never worked out. I got a lot better after the intensive program and then followed it up with seeing my therapist twice a week.

At therapy, we talked a lot about work because that aspect of my life blew up in smoke when the ptsd flared. I could not keep a job. I wanted to prevent another job loss due to losing my temper or feeling out of control or social anxiety.

I hope you find a helpful therapist who can help you talk about your job and tie it back to trauma. I guess I’m assuming you were diagnosed with ptsd, but I’m not sure. In my case, the trauma was not something we discussed in depth. When we started, my flashbacks increased and I couldn’t function. So, instead, we focused on coping with various life stressors, including work - which was a big one. I never realized that talking a lot about something painful could help so much.

Based on what you shared, I can see how your childhood situations may have resulted in trauma, which changes a child’s brain development and affects the rest of their lives. This is not about saying bad things about your parents, but only talking about the result of a volatile situation on you. In any case, it may be worth reaching out to someone who knows how to help trauma people to help you explore what’s going on. This changed my life for the better... I’m not healed by any means, and this forum helps a lot too because I don’t have much of a support system.

 

[BlueBerry6999]

@BlueBerry6999 this year I took off the last month of my job as sick leave. 3 of those week, I attended an intensive therapy program, where they taught coping skills for trauma. It’s been 7-8 years since my ptsd flared up, but recently is the first time I got help for it. Furthermore, I was misdiagnosed with other things before, which made it hard to get help for the trauma.

Why am I bringing it up? Because I always tried to do it alone, but it never worked out. I got a lot better after the intensive program and then followed it up with seeing my therapist twice a week.

At therapy, we talked a lot about work because that aspect of my life blew up in smoke when the ptsd flared. I could not keep a job. I wanted to prevent another job loss due to losing my temper or feeling out of control or social anxiety.

I hope you find a helpful therapist who can help you talk about your job and tie it back to trauma. I guess I’m assuming you were diagnosed with ptsd, but I’m not sure. In my case, the trauma was not something we discussed in depth. When we started, my flashbacks increased and I couldn’t function. So, instead, we focused on coping with various life stressors, including work - which was a big one. I never realized that talking a lot about something painful could help so much.

Based on what you shared, I can see how your childhood situations may have resulted in trauma, which changes a child’s brain development and affects the rest of their lives. This is not about saying bad things about your parents, but only talking about the result of a volatile situation on you. In any case, it may be worth reaching out to someone who knows how to help trauma people to help you explore what’s going on. This changed my life for the better... I’m not healed by any means, and this forum helps a lot too because I don’t have much of a support system.

There were many times in my life when I considered therapy. The first time was at thirteen, so 12 years ago. For me, going to therapy always seemed (and still does) like a huge deal. When I was younger, I told myself I was "normal" and that seeing a therapist would make me crazy and would make everything too real.
Later, I started thinking of it as the absolute last option if nothing else helps. That scares me a lot, because what if I go to therapy and it doesn't help?
I also have these weird fears that either they won't take me serious and call me hysterical or the opposite- think I'm a danger to myself and lock me up.
Part of me knows this is just again the anxiety talking, but I really feel like so much could go wrong.
Yesterday, I talked to a friend about this because she is going through similar things and just told me that today, she was going to have her first therapy appointment.
Now, she just texted me saying that her therapist wants to put her on temesta.
Temesta and the therapist who prescribed it to my sister, after she got r*ped, were what made our family practically fall apart. She was sixteen and had severe panic disorder, so she ended up taking it way too much, gained weight and got addicted.
My boyfriend's ex got addicted to it as well, also after gettin sexually abused.
My doctor gave it to me also, after I told her I was afraid of flying, but I didn't take a single pill. My friend does have issues, but nowhere as strong as my sister had and yet, she was given temesta.
I just can't stop thinking that most doctors, no matter what field they work in, just want to make money off their patients. My best friend got prescribed Methadone after being addicted to codeine when she was seventeen. Now, she's 25, can't work, lives in a shelter and has still not been able to stop taking these pills.

Anyway, I'm glad that therapy helps you and also I found many positive stories in this forum, so I am currently working on going to therapy. (means first I have to change my health insurance.)
However, I am strictly opposed to taking any medication and I fear that if my future therapist told me to take them, I might not be able to trust them at all...

So I haven't actually been diagnosed with anything because I never went to see a doctor about my problems. Mental health issues have been a constant thing for me since I was thirteen, changing from depression to panic disorder and addiction. Then I had a few great years and after a car accident everything got worse, so after reading up online and watching documentaries, I started to think it might be ptsd.