Anxiety Is Rising...

[FindingMyself88]

Ok for those who haven't read my last post, my anxiety and panic attacks are increasing. Things are not any better today. I'm going to a church event with my small group in a little while and I can't look forward to that because of what is happening afterwards. My roommate told me a couple days ago she was having 2 male friends stay over tonight, but they would be staying in her room. They are just crashing before heading home. Well now a 3rd guy is coming and he will have to sleep on the couch, and I am EXTREMELY uncomfortable with that.

I get up in the night to get drinks and such normally so I am gonna have to bring it into my room so I don't have to go out. Still, the couch is right up against my wall and I am not comfortable with this. I can lock my doors, but I still feel like I won't be sleeping at all. I don't trust guys, especially ones I don't know. My roommate knows this but she is saying I am overreacting.

ugh… I just cannot get a break :'(. I honestly just want to throw in the towel and give up. It's obvious I am a hopeless cause… even had an ex friend tell me this week that she quit talking to me because I was too sad all the time and that I didn't have faith in God if I had this much issues. I hate my life.

 

[onesie]

Wow! I am so sorry. That is a lot to deal with. And I'm sorry for what your friend even said to you. Sounds like you are terrified of the unknown. I understand how that can be. Is there no way you can stay with somebody else until the guys head home? If not, I hope the night goes by fast and you see that you are ok.

 

[Justmehere]

Wow, that is really hard. Is there a hostel in your town? Maybe the guys could go stay there. 3 extra guys in a place is tough. Heck, 3 extra girls would be hard, even without PTSD! That's a lot of extra people, period. Your roommate is being insensitive and really disrespectful of the space she shares with you and very reasonable boundaries you have. Do you have any way to talk to the guys directly before they come? I bet all of them would be more sensitive to your need to be comfortable... Maybe someone with the church group might have a place you can stay? I don't have much advice - So sorry you are dealing with this.

Oh, and the friend who got down on you about being sad and trying to connect it to a lack of faith... in my opinion, she needs to read her bible more. David wrote he had a pillow of tears. Elijah cried out to God for God to end his life. Jesus cried. Faith doesn't equal an easy problem free life. Your friend is someone who is very uncomfortable about pain, and frankly, it says more about her faith than it does yours. I'm sorry she said that to you.

 

[Overcast]

WOW. I would be terrified if someone would bring guys into my home. I would ask my roommate for money for a hotel for you. Maybe then she will understand the cost of her decision. As far as the remark from your christian friend. It sounds as if she hasn't experienced grace herself to be that judgmental.

 

[FindingMyself88]

Thanks everyone for the validation that I'm not overreacting. I made it known to my roommate that I was uncomfortable with this, but I don't think it made a difference. I was okay with the two guys that would be sleeping in the floor in her room, but not one sleeping on the couch, right beside my door. I have a hard time asking for my needs, so I will probably just try to manage through. It's just made worse by the fact that I'm really stressed out right now with my parents moving up here Friday and moving in with them. It's not the ideal situation but there is nothing I can do.

I just keep wandering if this is ever going to be easier..

 

[Overcast]

It does get better. Take life one day at a time. I lived with my parents a lot due to my finances and found a way to cope especially when they kept triggering me. I am much freer now. What really worked for me is having a few friends I could call and ask to stay the night if it got too difficult at home. I didn't tell them of the details that led me to the need at the time. I also found refuges away from home where I could journal and refresh myself. Parks, bookstores etc. It doesn't have to cost a lot for those places of refuge for small getaways.