Anxiety mixed with anger

[BlueWeepingRose]

I blew up today and cussed at my mother, lately I've been stressed out and feeling anxious. In the relationship department, it's going so well. He's distant and hardly talks with me, very hot and cold. So I think I may stop speaking to him all together cause it's very similar to what my abusive ex did.

I walked into Walgreens due to my mother texting and she told me she'd be in afterwards. As I walked around, the employees were looking at me as if I would steal something and I was only just looking. I'm a regular customer and I overheard one employee say, "Her and her mother is in here every night and was whispering." I wasn't paranoid and I know what I heard. My face heated up with embarrassment even though I did nothing wrong. Somehow it made me think of my ex who I trusted and ended up saying bad things about me and lie about me.

It just seems like I can't trust anyone and I get hurt. I'm not pulling the pity act but I trust people and I get betrayed. My mother was talking on the phone outside of Walgreens and wouldn't even notice me. Anytime I look at her, she's on the phone or computer. She needed to go shopping but ignores me. Walgreens is closing. My anxiety is coming. My hands are shaking and people are looking at my mother on the bench and I had to leave the door to the car open because of the heat. One employee watches my mother, than looks at me. My heart is beating faster and so is my hands.

Tell her that there closing and she just nods her head. By this time my anger is coming. I felt upset that they kept looking at me. Feel as if there paranoid I might steal something when I know I wouldn't have. Even the manager was watching me and I was simply looking at the Halloween decorations. By the time my mom is about to go in.... I lose my cool and yell at her.

I was upset, full of anxiety, scared and angry. I feel like I'm a crazy person when I know I'm not. I hate PTSD and I feel embarrassed by how I acted I was upset a little by how they kept watchful eyes on me and it didn't help with the fact I had pms on top of it.

 

[Deleted member 40995]

That is upsetting, I get nervous/scared when at the store, and start doing nervous habits (clasping/unclasping my hands, keeping my head down etc.) and I often get the suspicious looks from the workers. It's hard enough going out, even harder when they act suspicious of you :( So sorry this happened to you!

 

[xXRockFiendXx]

I blew up today and cussed at my mother, lately I've been stressed out and feeling anxious. In...

That's rough. That's a lot of stimuli happening so I think it makes sense you had that reaction. *HUG*

 

[PointlessExistence]

I know this type of scenario well...I always feel outnumbered

 

[Friday]

Is it possible because you're in there every night, and are a well known customer, that they weren't kicking you out because it was near closing time? Not watching you because they were thinking badly of you, just employees getting ready to go home & giving you more leeway than someone they didn't know?

 

[Gamera3000]

I had some thoughts about this that are partially from personal experience, but also partially from something I used to research that kind of relates. I hope you don't mind me sharing- I thought it might help.

From personal experience: I am a person who looks different from other people. I'm 40. I've been noticed or followed around in stores since I was a teenager. When I was younger I the employees seemed to think I was going to steal things, but now I think they just can't help but notice me because I'm different. It can be upsetting when you just want to browse and relax. Some people just stand out to others. If you are one of these people who stand out, you will eventually get used to it and it will not bother you.

From professional experience: If your mother was waiting outside and you were browsing inside, this is shoplifting behavior that one of the employees may have noticed. Another may have said something like, "Oh no, she is in here every night." This would indicate that she "knew" you and you were a normal shopper/browser.

If you were upset or nervous and needed to calm down, or are just a different kind of person normally, you may have been giving off mannerisms which could have been misread by other people. Looking at the ground, or darting glances, holding your arms/hands rigid or fidgeting with them, moving around the store in a set pattern, dressing in any particular way that might not blend in with others, doing hair or makeup in any particular way that might not blend in with others, interacting with others and/or with your mom in ways that seem different than the ways that other people interact (this can be very small things such as how close or far away you stand, if you look at people when they or you talk, etc, etc, like things none of us except me I guess think about). All of these are little details that people notice but would not notice that they have noticed. So if you asked them, "Why are you staring at that person over there?" They might give a vague answer like, "I don't know, something is off." But then if you stopped the person and gave them a thorough interview, I would bet money that something WOULD be off. Such in your problem here- you admitted you were stressed out and feeling anxious. Then when you were in the store, minding your own business, a relative stranger somehow picked up on that and started talking about you behind your back. Again, that brings us back to what you overheard- the other person affirming that you're okay.

So anyway, sorry for the long reply. It COULD be that you're just strange looking like me (unlikely), or that they were weirded out by your mom lagging behind you (very possible), but it could also be that they picked up on you being stressed out and that prompted their discussion.

 

[Amcam]

I blew up today and cussed at my mother, lately I've been stressed out and feeling anxious. In...

Just know, you aren't alone. I feel the same way in public when people look at me and I have also blown up at people, and even what seemed like anger, was actually being overwhelmed and anxiety. Some people won't understand that anxiety does, many times, lead to anger, because of all the frustration. Hugs for you and hang in there!

 

[MrMoonlight]

Some people won't understand that anxiety does, many times, lead to anger

Do you know where the anxiety is coming from? Just a side effect of PTSD?

I am having a similar problem having been aggressive toward someone in public. During the time my mind was focused internally. I guess I got paranoid or scared...don't know. I treated him as a threat of some kind though physicality played no part. It was disturbing to me.

 

[Gadgie]

Quote.............”I am having a similar problem having been aggressive toward someone in public.”

I’m like that as well, if someone upsets or annoys me, I go straight for them without thinking of the consequences, whereas in the old days, I would shy away and say nothing.

I never noticed that I was doing it, until my sister pointed it out to me, when she was over here visiting me for a wee break.

I don’t know if it’s a change in my character, due to ageing, or a side effect of the PTSD? I went through a really bad period where my confidence took a right kicking, after my wife passed? Her family put me through Hell!

 

[The Albatross]

A bit concerned that you went off on your mother due to a third party relationship issue. That's a big flag.

 

[MrMoonlight]

I don’t know if it’s a change in my character, due to ageing, or a side effect of the PTSD? I went through a really bad period where my confidence took a right kicking, after my wife passed? Her family put me through Hell!

That's what I worry about for myself...loss of character. I know my confidence is gone..has been for a long time. Maybe I'm just really insecure..or is this hypervigilance?

So sorry for your loss Gadgie.

 

[Amcam]

Do you know where the anxiety is coming from? Just a side effect of PTSD?

I am having a similar problem...

This type of anxiety and hyper vigilance can definitely stem from ptsd. If some one has a bad experience, it is common to perceive threats inaccurately. These words come personal experience. My perception is definitely skewed because of a few bad experiences.