Anxiety, vulnerability, paranoia

[bumbles]

I usually have social anxiety, but lately I have been afraid to be in public because I think everyone is secretly ridiculing me for being ugly to them, or plotting to attack me in some way because they can sense my vulnerability

I work with the general public, and it's getting very overwhelming. I really feel like I'm going to be attacked at any second, or have to deal with someone being abusive.

Can't leave the house without freaking out and when people laugh, smile, or even look at me, I want to go hide in a hole.

Does anyone else experience this or have any advice? My therapy skills and gabapentin are definitely not cutting it. (Doesn't help that my therapist forgot to show up for my appointment yesterday)

 

[EveHarrington]

Medication?

My antipsychotic helps with these kind of thoughts. I’m on gabapentin too, and it doesn’t help with this symptom.

 

[Friday]

but lately I have been afraid to be in public because I think everyone is secretly ridiculing me for being ugly to them, or plotting to attack me in some way because they can sense my vulnerability

How much of this is projection? IE you think you’re ugly and are planning ways to attack everyone you come across (should they suddenly turn abusive) and as such, are looking for their vulnerabilities?

If MOST of it is projection? IME You won’t get very far attempting to convince yourself other people are safe or neutral/ don’t care what you look like/ now-not-then, grounding, etc. Because that’s not where it’s coming from.

But -again, IME- there will be a lot of traction if you start looking for what is beautiful in other people, instead of their weaknesses to exploit in case of emergency.

(if you don’t turn that around and admire her hair his smile her strength his kindness only to beat yourself up with how horrid your hair is, and how you never smile, and are weak, and cruel... the more your beat yourself up... the more it will translate to other people “wanting” to beat you up)

 

[bumbles]

How much of this is projection? IE you think you’re ugly and are planning ways to attack everyone you come across (should they suddenly turn abusive) and as such, are looking for their vulnerabilities?

If MOST of it is projection? IME You won’t get very far attempting to convince yourself other people are safe or neutral/ don’t care what you look like/ now-not-then, grounding, etc. Because that’s not where it’s coming from.

But -again, IME- there will be a lot of traction if you start looking for what is beautiful in other people, instead of their weaknesses to exploit in case of emergency.

(if you don’t turn that around and admire her hair his smile her strength his kindness only to beat yourself up with how horrid your hair is, and how you never smile, and are weak, and cruel... the more your beat yourself up... the more it will translate to other people “wanting” to beat you up)

You are very wise! It seems like the opposite thing that could be making things worse for me at first, but reading through your reply... it all makes a lot of sense to me. Thank you