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Anxiety

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You know, Bemental, that's a great idea. I am going back to classes. Thanks.

I'm going to severely miss that part of my treatment right now, being around other like-minded, active duty Marines who are transitioning and still exploring their trauma. When I get out here in a few months, I have this feeling of dread that I'm going to be alone and (un)afraid out in the world.

Group art therapy is phenomenal. Our group is smallish, 4-7 per week. We spend the first 10-15 minutes in some sort of guided discussion/imagery, another 45-60 creating some sort of art, and the last 30-45 talking about what we created, critiquing each other, and nodding our heads a lot saying "me too".

The wizard who's in charge of my meds keeps asking me (sarcastically) how the pictures are coming. I'm going to start bringing him some of the work one of these days, maybe.
 
I spent the past few days going over my old pictures. SOme I used to get into an exposition or festival. They are all gone now except for maybe two or three. I sold many of them but the ex-wife really liked them and she could never afford to buy art. I can always paint more. So I gave the rest to her, frame and all. I don't miss them. I know they all have a good home.

It is a great satisfaction not just to paint something you like, but to have someone else like it enough to pay for it. I will admit to keeping my prices very affordable. But the thought of all that work is rewarding me over and over. And it did start out with just satisfying my own interest.

Kinda back to basics, for me now. I think I tend to forget good things when absorbed in so much recollection (and that's the wrong word) of trauma.
 
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