Relationship Any positive results after isolation???

[EveHarrington]

The confusing part for me is he said, "let's take the relationship off of the table," which means break up...

I don't find this confusing.

I think even if he was saying he didn't want to be in a committed relationship, he still wants you in his life.

You are thinking in black and white terms, it's all or nothing.

 

[Deleted member 44240]

I don't find this confusing.

I think even if he was saying he didn't want to be in a committed...

Well it's extremely confusing to me. In my opinion, we had a good relationship and due to a set back from another person, he felt the need to flight. Since then, he's been hot and cold ( very confusing ) because I've done nothing to cause this. I've pleaded with him to try and explain that his worries are not caused by me. My being a supporter strive for his protection and well-being, so when I'm faced with certain obstacles such as this, then absolutely, it's confusing.

 

[NaeNae75]

I'm so happy to hear it works in your relationship too! I mean, he's always said he's ok with it, but i...

We have tried to set rules, but he doesn't like to follow them... I'll even say to him, do you need some time to yourself, because things are feeling tense, etc... but he won't do it. Not yet at least. So now we're back in the holding pattern.
Him taking time had never bothered me, it's the way he's still doing it that hurts. The "big blow up" instead of communicating in between.
Im hoping for the day he announces it sooner... it wouldn't be hard for me at all.

 

[NaeNae75]

Oh man, that is what I'm trying to get to...some rules and some compromise because I completely get h...

Me too... completely

 

[NaeNae75]

Is it the same time of year each time? Might be an anniversary reaction?

Sometimes.. not always. But I'm learning some of the things that set the cycle off. If we get past it this time, it's new stuff to work on.
I'm fine with that too.

 

[JM318]

Hello, I recently found these forums which have been greatly helpful over the past couple months....

It's been about a year since I've posted or even been on the site, but something told me to log-in tonight; I'm assuming it was for you. I have been with my boyfriend on and off for almost 4 years. We've been through hell and back, emotionally. During the darker periods, he blamed our relationship as the root of our problems and would say things I knew he didn't mean, like "our relationship is tainted, and we're not meant to be". Our relationship is pure and fun; we have the normal relationship hiccups but nothing as dramatic as he would mention. Our issues were mostly trying to understand and manage PTSD symptoms.The first year he was undiagnosed, we broke up for 3 weeks during that time. After his diagnosis, a lot of past issues made sense- his sleeping patterns, his need for space, anger, isolation, distrust, ect. In the following years, we broke up twice: one time for 6 months, but saw each other weekly for a semester (we took a class together and continued to be lab partners) and the most recently for 9 months. Anyone would probably think we haven't had much of a relationship, but the time spent together during the "non-isolation" times were fulfilling, meaningful and fun. We have a close group of friends and are an active bunch, we vacation, camp, shoot, BBQs, motorcycles, holidays, birthdays, so we saw each other even when we were separated. At one point, we even spent our anniversary together, not realizing it until after we had left the movie theater with our friends. Anyways, our last and hopefully final breakup, I was fed up, hurt, and just tired of him running away. I questioned whether I wanted to be on this constant roller coaster and wondered if things would ever be "normal" with us. My decision to focus and love myself, and travel was the best decision I ever made. It was a long 9 months, but I did a lot of praying and self-healing. I am a strong person, but I am stronger because of what we went through, because I had no choice but to be strong. I knew it wasn't over, and I knew I had to be patient, so I prayed, nightly, on my porch under the stars. Asking God to give me patience and comfort, and to give me signs. I found feathers everywhere, apparently it's a sign that your guardian angels are with you. I saw the numbers 1111, 222, 444, 555 (and still do). I looked into numerology, and began to be open to the fact that the universe was connected with me. I think the fact I didn't move on into other relationships during our breakup was huge too. It showed him that my love was real and he wasn't just easily replaced. Even though he's done a lot to hurt me unintentionally, I couldn't bring myself to be hateful, and spiteful. I did a lot of research, I saw a therapist for a bit, I vented a lot on here. Finally, we went on a camping trip in May this year to see Metallica with our friends and have been back together since. He told me that during both of the extensive periods apart, I've never left his mind. That we have something special and he needs to stop looking for something to blame and pointing fingers and running away. He's done a complete 360, and I am so proud of him. The first few months back together he gave me a key to his house, but I didn't make it a big deal. I knew deep down it was HUGE for him to do that, even on his own. But I know he feels less pressured when it was his idea first. We're planning to move in together in the Spring. I wanted to plan ahead and let the thought sink in for a half a year before we make the move, so that he doesn't get overwhelmed. I'm sure there will come a point where he will isolate himself, but at least I know how to handle it, not to take it personally and to let him work it out and manage it himself. A lot of times in the past, the more he isolated, the more I would smother him because I was worried. He has been AMAZING at communicating, and I'm honestly, so happy I stuck by his side through his darkest moments. Trust me, there were so many times I wanted to give up, but I knew he needed me and he needed my support, even if it was from afar at times. I know not all stories are the same but I wanted to share mine, because there is hope. I'm hoping the best for you!

 

[Snowflakes]

@JM318 Thank you so much. You don’t know how much I needed what you wrote today. :hug:

 

[Deleted member 44240]

It's been about a year since I've posted or even been on the site, but something told me to log-in tonigh...

I want to thank you as well. I thought that I was the only one going through such a tumultuous relationship with my sufferer, and I am trying hard to learn how not to take things personally. You’ve shed light on what I thought was a lost cause.

 

[Louski]

Oh I so could have written that post @EveHarrington ! Stay with me. No go away! Tal...

This post is really helpful and reassuring as before this isolation this sort of thing happened with us all the time.

Thanks @Freida and @EveHarrington.

 

[Freida]

@JM318 I am so glad to read that! It's so nice to have a happy story once in a while

I just came out of a 5 week isolation and it's like a weight is off my shoulders. I can finally breath again and want to be my hubby and just hang out and remember he is who I want to spend my life with.

I can't avoid the isolation until I can avoid the anniversaries -- and thats a lot more counseling. But it's nice to come out and have him here

 

[Deleted member 44240]

It's been about a year since I've posted or even been on the site, but something told me to log-in tonigh...

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this and it gives me so much hope. Since my ex and I have been apart (his doing) he’s been on my mind daily. Like you mentioned, it’s been hard as hell for me and friends keep telling me to let it go. For some reason, I can’t just walk away. When I do reach out for us to communicate, he either ignores, or he says something riduluciously mean; which isn’t him at all.

I’ve been praying and hoping for his return because I know this is hard for him. I hope my story turns out as wonderful as yours. Keep up the good work; you’re an inspiration!

Thank you

 

[Deanna]

@JM318 I am so glad to read that! It's so nice to have a happy story once in a while...

Girl, his patience! That's something. I hear stories where someone is stronger and I just can't believe it. Maybe I think most people are shallow. You're very lucky.