Any suggestions for handling a massage?

[Justmehere]

I have one scheduled soon. My physical therapist recommended it. I'm used to my body being poked and prodded, and some deep massage in physical therapy. It doesn't trigger me. A full massage though? It's another level. It's been well over a decade since I have done something like this.

I found a PT who is super trauma-informed, has worked with other trauma survivors, and we talked about what I wanted and didn't want on the phone. She said we would talk about it at the time too, and keep lines of communication open. The goals are to do something nice to my body and have my shoulders and neck worked on.

I'm not sure what else to say? What else would help a massage go well and reduce any triggers about it?

 

[ILoveLife]

The only time I got a massage was Shiatsu, fully clothed, pressure points only.
Left feeling like a blossoming butterfly :D

I don't think I can handle naked massages, personally.

 

[Tornadic Thoughts]

When I first started going a couple years ago, I left my underwear on...and made it a point to wear the boy shorts type of underwear and a sports bra that covered even more skin than usual. I made the mistake of first seeking out a massage therapy space and impulsively going without having the improtant discussions ahead of time, and requested deep tissue....which left me bruised and feeling like I'd been in a bar room brawl the next couple of days.

I then found a local massage therapist who worked out of her home, was very trauma aware, let me try some chair massages first, offered a very reasonable rate, was open to bartering, and was incredibly gentle, yet also highly effective. I lucked out, big time. It took 3 or 4 sessions until I felt comfortable enough to be fully naked.

Discussing scents I could comfortably smell and have used on my body was critical, too, as the wrong one can take me down in an instant. The combination of the warmth of the table, the electric fireplace right next to the table, the soft spoken kindness of the trauma informed massage therapist, the soothing scents, the comforting sounds of Native American flutes/Seascapes/or Bird Songs helped me ease into each session and become much more comfortable than I ever imagined I could.

One thing I struggled with was the head rest, and still do on occasion. I often have to turn my head to the side as having it face down with that cushion cover on it makes me feel like I can't breathe, which brings about feelings of panic and can totally ruin the whole scene if i don't adjust. I also have to blow my nose a couple times during the process as she's moving to the next area to help the air flow.

I have massage therapy once a month and my body is incredibly grateful. Up until I tried it, I never knew what fascia and/or lymph was and why it was so important to take good care of each and keep it flowing. I missed my appt. last month due to being hospitalized for my heart, and man, oh, man was I feeling it in the worst of ways. It's been a saving grace as far as pain relief, for sure. Wishing you the best in finding your comfort zone within that arena.

 

[bellbird]

Definitely utilise your grounding strategies throughout the massage.

Remind yourself that you are in the present moment, in 2019, and that you are having this treatment that will be carried out with your consent.

Also know that if it gets too much, you can say stop

It might be helpful to ask the massage therapist to check in with you regularly throughout? To help with staying in the present and checking in with if things are seeming ok/too much.

 

[knuckles]

Maybe talk about what signs she looks for to gauge your level of relaxation and presence - and possibly add your own knowledge of how your body reacts if you start to be uncomfortable.
If you like to chat throughout the session, that could also be a way for her to gauge how comfortable you are. If you prefer silence, you could consider if her checking in with you every so often, would be beneficial - like Bellbird suggests.
And depending on how well you know your body and your reactions, you could consider if you would prefer (and ask for) that she keeps one or both hands on your body at all times - or if you are okay with her hands shifting location (hands on - hands off - hands on). In line with that it might be beneficial to you, if she informed you/asked permission before moving from one area to the next.
And as others have suggested, consider how little or much clothes you would like to wear. If she is trauma aware I imagine she would have no trouble accepting if you chose to be fully dressed. She might also be able to work with you sitting, if lying down proves to be too vulnerable for you.

And maybe being open about the possible need for adjustments during the session. What you think you will be okay with - and what you won't be okay with - pre-session, might turn out slightly different in session. Or you could be spot on. But keeping the line open throughout would be beneficial to the both of you. Or so I imagine.

I hope the massage helps you.

 

[barefoot]

Lots of good suggestions from everyone here.

For me, the most important ones have been making choices about what I’m wearing/how much of my body I’m willing to expose. Plus asking them in advance to let me know where they’re going to touch me before they touch me so that I’m prepared and not suddenly spooked by them/their hands being somewhere I wasn’t expecting at that point. I do this for medical examinations too and find that it helps a lot. As @knuckles mentioned, my preference is also that they keep a hand on my body at all times - while also communicating where they’re going next - but this isn’t always possible if they have to keep going back to get more oil or whatever.

Also remember that a full body massage doesn’t have to mean full body. You can let them know if you don’t want them to touch certain areas. And you can do that before they start or ask them to stop/move to somewhere else during if something doesn’t feel good. You’re in control.

Also maybe have a think about talking. I find most massage therapists don’t talk apart from to maybe check the pressure is ok etc at the start - because they want it to be relaxing and clients may drift off to sleep. But perhaps you may prefer to chat throughout (or at least to begin with) as listening to someone and/or engaging in conversation may help you to stay grounded.

I hope it helps and that you enjoy it.

 

[Friday]

I got weekly massage for years and years.

90% of the time all I wanted was my back/neck/shoulders/face done. So I just kicked off my flip flops, popped the button fly on my trousers so they could get to the small of my back, and went skin from the waist up.

No issues with nudity. Simple convienence.

LOL... There was one time where I simply pulled my arms out of my bra and camisole and had the man just do my neck for an hour :p If I’d been wearing a tube top I wouldn’t even have had to do that. He was a mate, so we argued the clothing thing from time to time (I don’t like getting dressed, it harshes my buzz, so I remove as few pieces of clothing as possible). His stated position was that I was either terminally lazy (possible) or had my taboos backwards (we used the hot springs several times a year, again I have no problem with nudity, he’d seen me naked socially I have no idea how many times... but even fully clothed, or almost, we still used the modesty sheet at his work because, you know, licenses are important).

So if someone with absolutely no issues around nudity or touch can still show up half dressed? Or even mostly dressed? Be easy, you’re fine.

ETA

Oh! I forgot!

1) I’ve had heaps of LMPs over the years. I don’t even think to warn them most of the time I’ll still have my trousers on. Never been an issue, with any of them. The ones I stick with learn that the only time I have my trousers off is if we’re doing whole body.

2) You probably know this from PT massage, but it’s worth saying... Drink water. Lots of water. Right after. Before getting dressed, even. Most LMPs will leave you a small cup of water when they leave for you to get dressed, or hand it to you after you’ve gotten dressed... but I always bring a half frozen bottle of it. Helps move the toxins (lactic acid, etc.) out of your muscles, and makes for happy kidneys not getting super concentrated doses of toxins to shift. Happy livers and kidneys are important.

3) A good massage is a conversation. Not always with words, but ALWAYS feel free to use words.

 

[Starfire]

I found a PT who is super trauma-informed, has worked with other trauma survivors, and we talked about what I wanted and didn't want on the phone. She said we would talk about it at the time too, and keep lines of communication open. The goals are to do something nice to my body and have my shoulders and neck worked on.

May I ask how you located a trauma PT? I'm recovering from surgery & everyone says massage will help...even my PT!
Sounds like she will have more ideas too. I tend to dissociate. Something good thing. So I'd want to maintain contact & a feeling of control.

 

[Justmehere]

I found them by googling “trauma informed massage therapy.”

 

[Abstract]

Ive done trauma informed massage before and found that helpful. Good luck. Grounding stone? Pepermint oil for the room? Your choice of music? Maybe an affirmation or reframe and what full body means?

 

[Justmehere]

Thanks all! Your recommendations really helped a lot.

I did it! As far as getting a massage to work out all the tension in my body, it didn’t really do that very well. (I am so much more tense than I realized.) But as far as a non-triggering safe experience of someone totally new touching me, feeling good for a bit, and settling into my body more, it very much did that.

We spoke for about 5-10 minutes at the beginning. After posting here, I was able to explain with a bit more confidence what body parts I was ok with her touching and not, and level of undress vs. staying clothed and etc. We went over what I wanted and didn’t want, and she checked in at the end too. She told me what she was going to do, before doing it, without my even asking. She asked every now in then if the pressure what too hard, too soft, or just right. She walked me through deep breathing and softly walked me through ways to be a little more grounded and present. She said at the start that if emotions come up, that would be ok, that could be in the room too, and she was there to be supportive. That didn’t happen, but it was nice to hear. I was a bit numb the whole time, but I’ve been a bit numbed out generally for a few weeks. I left feeling less numb, which is pretty fantastic! I was a little concerned she would be overly cautious about things, and I’d feel damaged or something, and she would be overly soft or standoff-ish, but she wasn’t. She was pretty chill. She had water for afterwards, and I brought my own, and I’m glad I did.

At a few points she would rest her hands for a moment. She said it was to hold space but keep contact. At first, I thought that was weird, but by the end, it was helpful. Go figure.

It felt good. It still does. I’m glad I did it. All the self injury urges settled for a bit too. I didn’t expect that. I think I may try it again sometime if/when I have the funds for it.

Thanks again.

 

[bellbird]

Very very happy to hear you had a positive experience, and that your massage therapist was so supportive.
Kudos to you for going and doing it -- we can give all the advice and ideas, but it was you that had to take them and run with them.. and ya did! :hug: