Any suggestions regarding how to approach an issue with current therapist

[abbeyroop]

HI, I am new on here, and the whole reason why I finally am is because of an issue with my therapist, whom I have seen since July
2024. So she only works through telehealth (which I am totally fine with) and at the beginning she told me she was with her husband and her family in a different state that she lives in. I guess the session was fine, but felt that she was a bit distracted. When we were ending the last thing was her saying, "Well why dont we pick this up next week" and *POOOF* she was gone. I got and email a few minutes later literally saying that her internet went down at the perfect time, sent a smiley face, and then said she would see me next week. I sat here at my computer (and we were not over on our session time) wondering what the heck had even happened. For the past few months we have been doing a lot of three hour EMDR intensives becasue of severe trauma history. Is it just me, or would anyone else be upset that they were just ghosted after a session and never recieved a response when I immediately saw her email with the stupid smiley face? I am so hurt by this that I dont know what to do. One day she says she is right in it with me and then others she does this BS. Any ideas of where to go from here????????

 

[Movingforward10]

When there is this empathic failure by the T , it can hit really deep.

It can be worked through, by bringing it up at the next session. Do you feel able to tell her what you have expressed above? That will give her an opportunity to apologise and explain. And then you can work out whether that apology, explanation, and then a commitment from her not to do that again, is enough to repair this.
It sounds repairable from what you have shared.

What I am wondering is 3 hour EMDR sessions though.....I don't do EMDR so I may be wrong, but that is a very long time? Sounds incredibly intense.

 

[Rose White]

just ghosted after a session and never recieved a response when I immediately saw her email

I don’t understand how it’s ghosting if she was ending the session and also immediately explained why she was cut off? What were you hoping for?

 

[Muttly]

I also am not sure I fully underestand the situation.

. Is it just me, or would anyone else be upset that they were just ghosted after a session and never recieved a response when I immediately saw her email with the stupid smiley face?

Was the response you were expecting from something in the session or from something else? Do you have another session scheduled?

What is it you feel you need from her?

 

[Dark.Green.Feathers]

I’d probably feel dysregulated if it ended before we wrapped things up properly and it went unacknowledged. maybe her not being apologetic about it feels dysregulating because it feels like she doesn’t care. I wonder if another perspective could be used, or if you could talk to her about it.
I don’t think it’s ghosting because she came back and explained herself, but less emotionally involved than what felt appropriate/was expected?

therapy is a very emotionally intensive time so things like this can feel pretty bad. do you have any ways to regulate yourself and step back from it a bit and reapproach from a different/calmer angle?

I would feel emotional whiplash from it, and I don’t think she did anything wrong, that being said though if you feel you can, maybe having a measured convo about it would help so she can see your perspective etc. if not, working out what you’re feeling you missed from her and what you need from her emotionally could also be a good step in the right direction.

the theraputic relationship is complicated and full of opportunities to feel a lot of bad ways about the T. if she doesn’t know how you feel then she can’t address it.

I’ve had a lot of slights with my current T, really I hate everything moments. a lot of it was either me feeling frightened and dysregulated (and therefore angry), or her being a bit ham handed with it, or both. nothing that hasn't been fixable though and a good portion of it has resolved after a few days/weeks of either reflection or continuing with her to see what happens. if she offerers an environment where you can give feedback in session, and you feel you can, I’d take advantage of that because a good T can help navigate the inherent mess that comes with such an emotionally vulnerable relationship and it might an environment where you can feel heard and put it away.