Anyone Else Feel Like Everything Is Their Fault?

[OliviaMadison]

I don't know why I do it, I just do. When something happens, I think of ways I could have stopped it, and I automatically think it's my fault that it happened.

Does anyone else do this?

 

[Zef]

Yep. I'm pretty much responsible for everything that goes badly around me. . .pretty sure that world hunger is my fault. (and I'm not really exaggerating that much.) :) When things go well, but not absolutely perfectly, I should have done something to make it better.

 

[Red Feather]

Yes, everything.

 

[nimkekaa]

That's so me also. My mother spent 17 years drilling it in to my head and I am still struggling to get it out but no matter what goes wrong I search for how I could have done something different to have a better end result.

I am really trying hard to catch myself when I am thinking that way lately and change how I am thinking.

 

[Mcll]

Ahh, the could've should've would've. I think it's fairly normal to rethink of things you would've done differently. Everyone goes through it at some point in their lives.

Something that has been going through my head lately was remembering being abused by the father of a childhood friend, he also abused another female friend and I remember feeling so much guilt for my friend, that I couldn't do something to protect her.

Flash forward to my early twenties, when I was in a bad, but similar situation when my abuser tried everything he could to make me comply but it wasn't until he threatened to go after my friends that I gave up. I never really connected the two situations with each other, but I understand now.

I often wondered if I made the right decision (they ended up not being very good friends) maybe I wouldn't have been so messed up then. Maybe they should have gone through what I went through and bared those scars throughout the rest of their lives. Yes, I often wondered about this, but then I realize I was a really good friend and I wouldn't have done it differently.

We often self abuse and tell ourselves everything bad that happens to us if our fault but it couldn't be further from the truth.

 

[Whitneys story]

I am saddened by your responses. This is one of the most difficult behaviors to process.

Past programming reinforces this. The biggest step is to acknowledge that it is not right. We can get above it. It is part of the relearning from knowing we are not quilty for the actions imbedded by others.

Look at each situation, find your reaction and then learn a new action. Most of the time you will find you were the scapegoat of someone else's guilt!

JMHO and I wish you much success on the journey to validation! Hugs, Whitney

 

[OliviaMadison]

Kind of glad to know I'm not the only one.. But at the same time, I feel bad that there's other people that go through this. It's not fun. At all.

I remember one of my extremely close friends, almost committed suicide by drinking bleach not to long ago, and she had emailed me, telling me that she was going to do it, and I tried to talk her out of it, and she didn't answer for a while.. So I started to think she actually did it, and I went into a full-blown panic attack, I was hitting things, screaming, you name it. I just kept thinking to myself that I could of done something to stop it, and it was my fault she had done it, blah blah blah..

She didn't actually do it though.. Thank God.

 

[anonymous]

........because it is.

 

[anonymous]

I should clarify that...... I mean, because it is ...my fault.

I don't know you or your situation, but I know mine...and it feels like it's my fault.........because it is.

 

[Ayasha]

You know, this is something I am still working very hard against. It feels like I should have known what was happening was wrong, I should have fought back, told an adult, etc.

It sucks but I think we can work through it by challenging the thoughts. I've started challenging myself when I think of these things (or even things that were not related to the abuse).

For example: 'My friend is upset and it is my fault.' -- this is a thought I get very often. I've started challenging myself by asking what I may have done to upset the person; if I can't come up with anything then I try to understand that maybe he/she was just having a bad day.

I don't know if this is good or bad advice (I'm hoping it's good advice but please correct me if I'm wrong) but it is something I'm trying to work on so I stop hating myself so much/often.

 

[discarded]

I feel like my marriage breakdown is my fault, that through my ignorance and bad advice about PTSD, I handled my husband's situation all wrong. He just became more isolated and doesn't trust me at all. I also blame myself for all my kids problems, I don't think I was a very good mother to them, I blame myself for the fact we moved so often with the army causing them to leave their friends over and over. I blame myself that my mum had no family with her when she died, just medical staff. Yep, the list could go on and on.

 

[Meadowsweet]

Yes, I do this. In part I think it's connected to shame, guilt and other people blaming.

But also, for me, it's about trying to feel in control of future situations. The logic is that if I have done something wrong to cause a painful event, then I can change what I do and prevent painful events happening in the future.

There is a little bit of sense in that logic. But my mind takes it to extremes and I get frightened by the thought that I had no control (or responsibility) for things that happened.