Anyone Else Feel Like Everything Is Their Fault?

[Charmedone]

Everything is my fault. I'm evil and shouldn't have been born. Everything bad that ever happened or happens is because I'm bad.

 

[shell]

I used to take responsibilty for all of my abuse, but after a lot of therapy, and questioning my self beliefs I came to the realization that no toddler makes a parent attack them with a broom, etc.. It just doesn't stack up, there was nothing I could do at that age, that could justify the severity of the abuse.

If I treated my child that way, I would be responsible, why do they deserve to be absolved ?

It took me 40 years to see the truth, to get past their lies to ease their guilt.

Having said that however, I still think that there is something defective about me, that I made them hate me. I haven't got past that one, but I won't give up yet.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

When something bad happens between me and another adult I ask myself what did I do to provoke it, But then I have to go back and see that another adult has a choice how to speak and how to behave. Most likely when this happens nowadays I disconnect and not go back to that person. Do it to me once shame on you , do it to me twice shame on me. This is the code I live by now.

Adults are responsible for what comes out of their mouths. It is not my fault they chose to behave immaturely.

 

[Shellbell]

Yes, I always believe everything is my fault. A lifetime of being blamed and shamed for everything starting very young by my parents and then other people, has conditioned me into always taking blame even, when I am clearly not to blame. I internalise it all and hate myself. And because I do this, people take of advantage of it. When you let people blame you, they continue to do it more.

I can argue that I'm not to blame and intellectualise about why I shouldn't, but I always do. I hope it's a process through therapy I can change.

 

[Chincho]

Everything is my fault. I'm evil and shouldn't have been born. Everything bad that ever happened or happens is because I'm bad.

I thought I was the only one who felt this way... I'm not just bad, I'm also manipulative, abusive and full of hate, or so I've heard.

 

[saffy]

Yes I can get like that over something that is not even to do with me. I might only be in the room.

I used to blame myself for everything. My parents would blame me for everything whether it was right or not. I was a lot worse before I realised that the behaviour of my parents were manipulative and controlling and abusive, so actually it was not my fault at all.

My reactions now though are only because of my current mindset that has been taught to take the blame. Which is causing conflict with myself as rationally I know I am not to blame for most of the things I worry about. Hope that makes sense.

Saffy :)

 

[Whitneys story]

it is.

We all are human and make mistakes. If you truly are at fault, can you find away to forgive yourself. Is it possible to confront the situation?

We tend to torture ourselves with fear. Processing your feelings can bring clarity of the real issue. It is not about right or wrong, it is about getting through it.

 

[Deleted member 12723]

I tend to look at myself and try to figure out what I did to deserve being dumped on. I used to apologize for things not my fault. I do not do that anymore.

I just wish that I had some healthy anger when violated so that I could have stronger boundries. I think that will come with time and practice.

 

[ericaboo]

Yes, absolutely...

 

[ericaboo]

I'm like that all the time... I think it's just easier to assume everything is my fault because then i have control over it, and it's harder for people to hurt me with their blame.

 

[Zef]

I'm like that all the time... I think it's just easier to assume everything is my fault because then i have control over it, and it's harder for people to hurt me with their blame.

Thanks for this description, ericaboo. When I am dealing with other people, that is exactly what I do, too.

Side note: Like your tag says. . .you are indeed a bad ass. Thank you for hanging out with us on the forum.

 

[DharmaGirl]

It feels like my fault. Always. Even if it doesn't have anything to do with me. I apologize to inanimate objects.