Omnia vincit amor
Bronze Member
Yes my daughter needs me but she can not serve constantly as the only contact to life. I am afraid that she feels it and I put her too much under pressure. She needs and deserves a real mother.
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Anyone Else Go From Normal To Suicidal Within Minutes?
- Post starter lisamarie
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J
just me here
Maybe not as your only tie to life, no. But she can serve as a constant in your life, thats the way it is supposed to work. You are her mom and she only gets one and you are it and thats the facts. If thinking about that works, then I think you ought to think about it.
Omnia vincit amor
Bronze Member
You are right, I also feel it and understand it. I just do not know who I am and where I am: one child here and one on the other side.
The therapist of my daughter asked me, whether I am prepared to let my second child go as well (13 y) and it hurt me and confused me.
What does letting go mean at all? What does remain constant when you let go everything what is important for you? It is difficult for me not think black and white. This also one of my problems lately.
The therapist of my daughter asked me, whether I am prepared to let my second child go as well (13 y) and it hurt me and confused me.
What does letting go mean at all? What does remain constant when you let go everything what is important for you? It is difficult for me not think black and white. This also one of my problems lately.
It happens to me sometimes. But its always triggered by something... A smell, a feeling, a memory. I think for me its helpful to always carry something with me that makes me feel safe (mines a photo) but if can be anything. Just so when your in that moment you have something to pull you through. I know its hard because its so overwhelming at times and the urges are so great but stay strong. I love the song Breathe by superchick. I don't know what kinda music you are into but it always reminded me that someone somewhere needs me... will need me. Its helped me through allot.
I just read a book called The Suicidal Mind" by Edwin Schneidman, PhD. He was the world's expert on the suicidal mind up until he died at the age of 91 in 2009. The book opened my eyes to my own suicidality.
He states that suicide isn't because of depression but because of psychological pain that has gone beyond one's coping skills. When a person feels trapped - that there is "only one solution" to the pain - the person chooses suicide. When the person gets "constricted thought" - that is can't see any way out except suicide - then that person loses the ability to 'see' children, spouses, others who might need or miss them. It also explains why severely depressed people who start on anti-depressants might commit suicide. You finally get out of your fog and see suicide as the only option to cease feeling pain.
It also explains why non-depressed (people described by loved-ones as not having been depressed) or people with bigger problems than depression (like PTSD) commit suicide. In fact, when you look at statistics, MDD isn't as likely to result in suicide as PTSD is. According to Dr. Schneidman's book, it is the amount of perturbation, not depression - that incites the problem. Then it is the lethality of a person's thoughts - "only one solution to the pain, ie suicide" - that cinches the person's fate.
Schneidman said that the way to alleviate suicidality is to alleviate the psychological pain by decreasing the atmosphere of feeling trapped. In otherwords, if you're living at Defcon 5 then what is needed is to decompress the situation by removing those things that are making you feel trapped or getting help with those things. By decompressing or moving to decompress some of those things, you can get to Defcon 3 and live forever. It may mean you need to get out of a destructive relationship, or restructure your debt, or find a new job.
Losing your fear of death is a means of subintentional suicide - just like being an alcoholic, smoking, over-eating, using drugs, being anorexic. Whatever it is you are doing that will help you cease living - because suicide represents the cessation of the psychological pain - represents suicide per Schneidman. So Omnia you are totally correct: your daughter cannot save you. Just like my daughter cannot save me.
So I have been decreasing my own psychological pain (instinctively it would seem.) I cut off communication with my mother and my brother for the time being. I've made a list of things that I need my husband to do to help defuse my distress, and he will have to comply or I am going to separate from him. I already had made a job change - again an instinctive move - which allowed me to work with people who actually care about patients like I do.
Sorry I wrote so much - but this book as given me an insight to my lifelong desire to kill myself.
He states that suicide isn't because of depression but because of psychological pain that has gone beyond one's coping skills. When a person feels trapped - that there is "only one solution" to the pain - the person chooses suicide. When the person gets "constricted thought" - that is can't see any way out except suicide - then that person loses the ability to 'see' children, spouses, others who might need or miss them. It also explains why severely depressed people who start on anti-depressants might commit suicide. You finally get out of your fog and see suicide as the only option to cease feeling pain.
It also explains why non-depressed (people described by loved-ones as not having been depressed) or people with bigger problems than depression (like PTSD) commit suicide. In fact, when you look at statistics, MDD isn't as likely to result in suicide as PTSD is. According to Dr. Schneidman's book, it is the amount of perturbation, not depression - that incites the problem. Then it is the lethality of a person's thoughts - "only one solution to the pain, ie suicide" - that cinches the person's fate.
Schneidman said that the way to alleviate suicidality is to alleviate the psychological pain by decreasing the atmosphere of feeling trapped. In otherwords, if you're living at Defcon 5 then what is needed is to decompress the situation by removing those things that are making you feel trapped or getting help with those things. By decompressing or moving to decompress some of those things, you can get to Defcon 3 and live forever. It may mean you need to get out of a destructive relationship, or restructure your debt, or find a new job.
Losing your fear of death is a means of subintentional suicide - just like being an alcoholic, smoking, over-eating, using drugs, being anorexic. Whatever it is you are doing that will help you cease living - because suicide represents the cessation of the psychological pain - represents suicide per Schneidman. So Omnia you are totally correct: your daughter cannot save you. Just like my daughter cannot save me.
So I have been decreasing my own psychological pain (instinctively it would seem.) I cut off communication with my mother and my brother for the time being. I've made a list of things that I need my husband to do to help defuse my distress, and he will have to comply or I am going to separate from him. I already had made a job change - again an instinctive move - which allowed me to work with people who actually care about patients like I do.
Sorry I wrote so much - but this book as given me an insight to my lifelong desire to kill myself.
I struggle with this all the time. I've definitely been working on my coping skills for dealing with them when they come, but it is unbelievably tiring to deal with the ups and downs of suddenly feeling suicidal straight out of the blue. It makes me feel like for all I can accomplish everything can be toppled in a few seconds, and then I feel ashamed for feeling so weak. It's nearly impossible to reach out for help when they hit because I also suddenly feel like I have no one I can trust and that even the people who I should be able to call friends would be disgusted with me if they saw or talked to me in that state. I think I deal better now though, in that I know that the suicidal feelings aren't really my own but a side effect of the emotional flashback that I'm likely having. Knowing that it will pass somehow makes is survivable, but it's hell on earth to be stuck inside. It's still a constant struggle feeling like I would never wish myself on anyone because of it.
I can't tell you all how relieved I am to find this thread. Oh my goodness I'm not the only one. It's always made me feel so fake with my feelings and I start invalidating myself. It's really bad to have this happen, so take comfort in knowing that this does happen to other people and it's okay for it to happen and it doesn't make the feeling any less real just because it is a sudden and dramatic switch.
Just remember that the feeling will pass and that you have people who care. Realize that this feeling has happened before and you can overcome it again- WARNING: If you start planning, or it is persistent, and the feeling lasts three days or more- I highly suggest contacting a psychiatrist.
Just remember that the feeling will pass and that you have people who care. Realize that this feeling has happened before and you can overcome it again- WARNING: If you start planning, or it is persistent, and the feeling lasts three days or more- I highly suggest contacting a psychiatrist.
I think you summed it up nicely - at the very moment you need to contact someone, you feel weak and disgusted and for me - impotent - to ask for help. I would hate to burden anyone else - even my psychiatrist.
LostinSpaceGirl
Bronze Member
I am at the same place. Only thing keeping me going is my daughter. And lately that isn't working well. I am always on the line between living and dying and so far I have been balancing (except last Friday but that's another story). It is hard to want to keep going when you really don't believe things will get better. But I guess that's what hope is all about - I have to find hope - I seem to have lost it - it ain't floating for me anymore.
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anthony
Founder
I can honestly tell you, that you can recover and near remove depression completely from your life, unless its biological, which is extremely rare. I suspect you have what pretty much we all have, a-typical depression, which is mood based. Mood affected by PTSD symptoms. You can actually still have PTSD symptoms and remove depression. So there is hope, trust me on that one.
LostinSpaceGirl
Bronze Member
I'm buying the book - "The Suicidal Mind" by Edwin Schneidman, PhD. Thanks, Girl3.
LostinSpaceGirl, please heed Anthony's words above. I have struggled with this also, immensely. I have read Schneidman's book- it is excellent but I found it more accurate in describing 'what' was going on and the 'why's' of it, rather than solutions to it. Anthony has just told you (us) the solution above. That is all I know, from my experience. That, and you must reach out.
It can get better, but as it's a heck of a battle the right tools are very helpful. My best wishes to you. :hug:
It can get better, but as it's a heck of a battle the right tools are very helpful. My best wishes to you. :hug:
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