Anyone Else Trying To Live For Every Second, Because They Know There Is Nothing Else?

[Denna]

I want to scream if I can make the most of each day, hour, moment, because they tick away before my eyes. I hate every new day finishing because in my perception there was more that could have been done with it and made of it. Trying to appreciate what has been done but my brain hankers for more every evening, and I dread sleeping because its as though admitting defeat that my day day has not been the best it could have, and my mind constantly ticks at how I could have made it better.

 

[LSNP]

As a child, the only time I was acknowledged was when something got accomplished. Cleaning, etc. I still find myself feeling terrible about myself if I don't get something done every day. I am constantly running through a "should do" list, until I become exhausted and find I cannot begin anything at all.

 

[goingonhope]

Denna, I try to live for every second and with the same kind of feeling and resulting thinking at the end of a day, but not exactly for the same reasoning, I don't think. Moreso, because time is precious, so much of it doesn't belong to ourselves, it passes too quickly, and I've again ceased seeing a future; Can't really logically reason that I can keep this life and my health up, and live very long; And, yet alternatives are few to none, as I care too much.

 

[LSNP]

"Can't really logically reason that I can keep this life and my health up, and live very long; And, yet alternatives are few to none, as I care too much."

Wow. I totally identify with this statement. Nobody can live with this much stress and regret and pain and sorrow for this long without a negative outcome. CARE TOO MUCH. Yes. I care too much, too. About everything. I find the only way to lessen this is to go polar opposite and not care at all. That's not good, either.

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I have about five more years. I'm hoping those five more years will allow me to heal to a degree that I can at least go in peace. That, really, is my goal. Die with a little peace.