Anyone here regret being there

[master z]

For a partner/ friend and realize only thing giving your best effort did was make you miss opportunities that you can't get back

 

[LuckiLee]

Someone very wise here once said "don't put more energy into someone else's recovery than they put into themselves". Best advice ever. You have to take care of yourself first. XO

 

[master z]

Someone very wise here once said "don't put more energy into someone else's recovery than they put into themselves". Best advice ever. You have to take care of yourself first. XO

I did. I choose being there for my friend over potential romantic relationships.

I still worked 70 hours a week and worked on myself

 

[EveHarrington]

There will be others....

 

[Friday]

Nope. But I’m not that kind of person. I learned a loooooong time ago not to give more than I’m willing to give freely. If I’m putting time & energy into someone, I don’t do it with an expectation of return, and I don’t do it to the exclusion of other things. What that ends up as is that I’m not missing out by being with someone. It’s not like I have it my best effort and didn’t get anything in return. I wasn’t expecting to get anything in return, and I didn’t miss out on anything, because I kept the other things in my life.

That isn’t to say that I never make sacrifices, I can & do. But making them with my eyes open, means they’re limited -in most ways- and chosen freely.

 

[master z]

I should have been more clear. I am a male and was helping someone who was recovering from domestic violence and addiction issues. Some of the things I witnessed and saw made it very hard for me to be comfortable around females in a intimate setting.

 

[B0103mcus]

Nope. But I’m not that kind of person. I learned a loooooong time ago not to give more than I’m willing to give freely. If I’m putting time & energy into someone, I don’t do it with an expectation of return, and I don’t do it to the exclusion of other things. What that ends up as is that I’m not missing out by being with someone. It’s not like I have it my best effort and didn’t get anything in return. I wasn’t expecting to get anything in return, and I didn’t miss out on anything, because I kept the other things in my life.

That isn’t to say that I never make sacrifices, I can & do. But making them with my eyes open, means they’re limited -in most ways- and chosen freely.

What if you gave not expecting, but when you finally got them to recognize they needed help and they took it they then promised the sun, moon, and stars in return for how much they didn't give before, but then they never followed through? How do you then not feel resentful or regretful? I'm not sure if I feel that way towards the person at the moment or towards my own stupidity for trusting.

 

[B0103mcus]

Maybe try looking at it as if it is an experience you learned from or are learning from. Reframe the thought of regret into something positive.

 

[shimmerz]

they then promised the sun, moon, and stars in return

I have learned through all of this healing of mine that the sun, moon and stars are not available to be given. Even to me. But you know that already, I am sure.

That's the problem when someone hangs onto hope when they have PTSD. They recognize that supporters give their all and really have the best of intentions for when they get better to reciprocate. That is my intention anyway. I am not there yet. Still trying.

Some of the things I witnessed and saw made it very hard for me to be comfortable around females in a intimate setting.
Secondary trauma is a real thing. Have you got a therapist to help you out of that?

 

[Ronin]

Sort of.

But not for what I gave, as much as how it got twisted and turned and tossed back at me.
And for other pasts that were tangled with kids: That I wasn't there more. Whichever that could have been. A bad shield, and a worse knife, not cutting where it could have when it yet could, me.

As to the opportunities missed, I miss most those that no time can repair. The other ones are bullshit little griefs that are a fine distract from the big ones. (Education, war war wank wank blah blah and money.)

 

[B0103mcus]

I have learned through all of this healing of mine that the sun, moon and stars are not available to be given. Even to me. But you know that already, I am sure.

That's the problem when someone hangs onto hope when they have PTSD. They recognize that supporters give their all and really have the best of intentions for when they get better to reciprocate. That is my intention anyway. I am not there yet. Still trying.

Some of the things I witnessed and saw made it very hard for me to be comfortable around females in a intimate setting.
Secondary trauma is a real thing. Have you got a therapist to help you out of that?

Well my sun moon and stars consisted of just the basics of a relationship lol... yes I have a therapist that I've been working with for 2 years now and then I actually have started using my professional therapist to help me because it actually started to impact my work that I do with my patients of the same population. I don't go to the support group anymore because I chose to exit the relationship and I feel like I gave up on him and I have a lot of guilt and I dont want to be judged. Yes, secondary trauma is real and definitely something to address so as to not carry it over in that relationship or future relationships.

 

[B0103mcus]

I have learned through all of this healing of mine that the sun, moon and stars are not available to be given. Even to me. But you know that already, I am sure.

That's the problem when someone hangs onto hope when they have PTSD. They recognize that supporters give their all and really have the best of intentions for when they get better to reciprocate. That is my intention anyway. I am not there yet. Still trying.

Some of the things I witnessed and saw made it very hard for me to be comfortable around females in a intimate setting.
Secondary trauma is a real thing. Have you got a therapist to help you out of that?

Our couples therapist at one time called him out and told him that what I have been going through with him was just as much of a trauma as his traumas. Talk about making him take a step back, but it didn't sink in because he only continued the behavior.