Baby steps are a euphemism for breaking down a goal/objective/situation into incremental "doable steps" and are part of recovery for various types of things and can also be considered little "exposures". Goal identification, planning or creating a strategy, and SMART goal setting techniques are all beneficial to the process. Also, the P's - Patience, practice, persistence, perseverance and optional prayer (for those who are faith based) As an exposure the goal and steps need to be repeated as necessary with consistency until normalization occurs and the new experience is "recorded" in the brain to become available for other experiences. It is a way that can over-write older negative experiences with a newer more generally beneficial one.
So far as deciding what baby steps are, here's a scenario and how I might attempt it - keeping in mind that the end result is desensitization or normalization rather than quick fixes. Patience, practice, persistence, perseverance and always always always coping and stress reduction tools/techniques or skills.
Example: Let's say agoraphobia has stopped you from visiting the grocery store. You struggle with walking the isles, standing at the deli, and then standing in line at the checkout. You would approach this practice sessions by taking one small step at a time. It is through desensitizing yourself little by little.
Baby steps might be:
- I will go to the grocery store and walk down every isle at the grocery store but I will not have to buy an item - I will look for familiar people or just window shop. If my stress is manageable I will buy an item but I do not need to do so. I will use my stress coping skills.
- I will go to the grocery store and buy one item and walk out. I will use my stress coping skills. I will do that 16 times in 3 weeks.
- I will go to the grocery store and I will stand at the deli counter I will do that 10 times in a month. I will use my stress coping skills.
- I will go to the grocery store and I will buy more than 10 items or just do my regular shopping without deli counter items. I will use my stress coping skills. I will do that 12 time 3 months.
- I will go to the grocery store and I will do my regular shopping every week for 4-6 months or until this activity has normalized and I will add in deli counter items.
NOTE: If at any point the step is too big to be met, reassess the goal and make it smaller or do timed exposures like "I will walk down the isles at the grocery store for 2 minutes"... then 4, then 10, then 15 and personally I always add on my goal exposures stuff... "I will reassess my stress level and if it is manageable I can extend the time of the exposure but only to the point where I begin distress at which point I will simply leave". Document your progress and practice I used my diary for that for quite a while.
The thing is a goal/plan/strategy can be reassessed at any time, stress coping techniques and skills become a more engrained behavior by the time all of the baby step items for this example have been completed, AND by repetitive and consistent practice the situation is desensitized or normalized.
The agitation that can derail the process ahead of the actions to DO the plan I call anticipatory stress. Since that is also the case for you Seeking Africa, maybe it might be assistive to use your stress reduction techniques at those times and I always remind myself that whatever the emotional response is ahead of a goal or situation I am feeling that emotion or anxiety or fear because of past situations. Rationally it is past because I haven't even DONE it yet.
So far as, "Some things I used to call baby steps feel too big in my bad weeks. But then I feel guilty and bad if I am breaking up something seemingly simple into zillion steps..." Feeling guilty of course is just another thing the brain conjures up because brains give you what they think you want more of... and they retrieve engrained behaviors and habits. Brains like people prefer the status quo, and if it is your habit or behavior to avoid - that's what it's gonna deliver. New habits and behaviors can be created and stressful situations/activities can be accomplished or created. 26-28 days of persistent application can create a new habit, 6 months a new behavior.
Added a link about SMART goal setting:
Smart Goal Setting - Steps and Examples | Smart Acronym
(Got interrupted while writing this so if my brain blipped sorry) Hope something here assists you Africa.
P.S. One of the things I found when doing exposures (and I did have to do them for agoraphobic tendencies as well as other things) - is that when my brain was focused on accomplishing the goal and I was determined to attempt to do so all sorts of little other coping skills got retrieved by my brain to help me complete it. Like my brain began scanning for familiar faces or people that I know, I became aware that I did better in the wider isles and that I didn't like cramped places, That I was uncomfortable with people in close proximity (while standing in lines for instance) and I could do some other things to ease the situation til they normalized like shop at low use times til the desensitization was complete. I can go into any store without distress now.
