Are Some People Just Too Damaged To Heal?

[Shellbell]

No, you won't answer this question right now. I am sorry. but I want you to observe yourself for two weeks. Then you will answer this question. ok?

But I didn't understand one thing about you. Why do you feel you are in denial?

Dear Jaret,

I will come back (I hope I remember as my memory is pretty bad) to answer this.

The denial I was talking about was for the last 20 years, being in denial of how abusive my parents were and that my step father was a pervert in a pedophile ring and was letting me be abused by his friends. I knew it deep down, but didn't want to accept it, or that my mother was an enabler of all this abuse. I was in denial as to how sick my parents were. Now I am having to accept this.

It was one my my step fathers 'friends' that abused me as a child and another that held me in captivity for 4 years, went to prison and then later on threatened my son, resulting in us emigrating.

Also, I was in denial about how severe the abuse I endured was and that it was affecting me.

I am now starting to acknowledge all the abuse and the affects it had and not be in denial. And it is a huge process.

 

[Shellbell]

Therapy can magnify the effects of PTSD because it requires us to think about unpleasant feelings and situations. With the right direction and support it is possible to come to a better place with yucky past events.

I have such empathy for you because I so know the feeling of being too far beyond repair to bother fixing anymore. The truth is that we have chosen to reach out for help all for our own reasons instead of festering in isolation.

Thank you MissMacD, yes I think therapy forces us to deal with it all and that can be so hard. Whenever my T goes near the severe trauma I shut down.

But, T is a process and a long one for many and we all keep on trying, and it's trying that matters and not giving up. And it is better than festering in isolation - absolutely!

 

[Tanishq]

I will come back (I hope I remember as my memory is pretty bad) to answer this.

You don't have to worry about this. I will remind you kindly. :) (P.S: I have very powerful memory)

I was in denial as to how sick my parents were. Now I am having to accept this.

This is very sick Shellbell. Ha! I have been here,too. I denied and most of time I couldn't consider it because I was ashamed of it. I was feeling guilty to have such bad parents who never counted me as their family member. I know they don't care about my emotions, feelings or my life. They don't have value towards life. They beat me physically too much. Dad beat me physically and emotionally. Mother beat me verbally and emotionally. It has been hard. But I feel shame when I have to face this.

I know I tell to people it's my fault that I failed to bring best result. Deep down I knew they put lot of pressure on me, never gave me good treatment, not even sufficient food and demanded best from without providing me best.

They often made me feel orphaned like there is no one who will take care of me or will consider me. They have told me, no one will keep me in their house. Sometimes I feel I don't have space to live in this world. I question to god, Do I have space to live here?

You have suffered more than me.

Big to you :hug:

 

[Deleted member 12723]

(((Shellbell))) I really feel for what you have endured and suffered. I am so glad to know you. You are an amazing lady for what you have survived. My heart goes out to you. I wish I could take your pain away. I had an identity crises when I first started therapy so long ago. I began when I realized that I was a victim of abuse. It picked me up by my ankles and shook out every part of me until there was nothing left. I was in so much anguish. I think you are doing amazing for not being in therapy for very long. I am rooting and cheering you along from the sidelines. Big hugs.

 

[Shellbell]

They don't have value towards life. They beat me physically too much. Dad beat me physically and emotionally. Mother beat me verbally and emotionally. It has been hard. But I feel shame when I have to face this.

I know I tell to people it's my fault that I failed to bring best result. Deep down I knew they put lot of pressure on me, never gave me good treatment, not even sufficient food and demanded best from without providing me best.

They often made me feel orphaned like there is no one who will take care of me or will consider me. They have told me, no one will keep me in their house. Sometimes I feel I don't have space to live in this world. I question to god, Do I have space to live here?

Jaret, I feel for you so much having parents that haven't treated you with any of the love and cherishing that you needed and deserved.

To beat you physically and withold love and care, food and encouragement, to emotionally and verbally abuse over a long period of time is all very traumatising and I'm so sorry for all you have endured and continue to go through.

I'm glad you reach out here and have support. You have my support. Big hugs :hug:

 

[Shellbell]

[quote="gizmo, post: 458164, member: 12723] I had an identity crises when I first started therapy so long ago. I began when I realized that I was a victim of abuse. It picked me up by my ankles and shook out every part of me until there was nothing left. I was in so much anguish. [/quote]

It does feel like an identity crisis, everything that I held onto that I wanted to believe - that my parents did love me, that I was okay, that my past had not affected me, I was all so wrong about.

It's a lot to acknowledge and process. It will take me time.

Thank you for all your support. I cherish you very much :hug:

 

[Lionheart]

I hope I am not interrupting, I just read the original post and haven't read all of the responses yet, but I wanted to reply.

I am a survivor of severe, prolonged, child abuse (chronic, disabling, PTSD with delayed onset), and "off the charts" MDD, as well as having some chronic physical aliments that I struggle with.

I suffered through decades of abuse and trauma and did not begin my healing journey until I was 37 years old. At the time I first entered therapy, I was a practicing alcoholic, with a death wish. I used to drink vats of whiskey, take handfuls of sleeping pills, cut on myself with razor blades and pray to die. I would let anyone and everyone use me and abuse me as they saw fit and was once introduced to a crowd as the man with "no self-esteem'. (and it was true) I totally lacked self-esteem, I did not value myself, my life or others, in the least.

It has been over a decade, I am 51 now and I am a totally new person!!! ..with high self-esteem, respect for others and a genuine gratefulness for my life. I do not abandon myself to the whims of others anymore. I no longer have a problem with drinking, I am no longer a 'cutter' and I love the man I have become in spite of the past. I surround myself with loving and supportive family and friends and am quite happy most of the time.

I have worked through most of the traumas, but still I have a ways to go. Will it ever end? Will I get to a place where I can say I am completely and irreversibly healed? I just don't know the answer to that, but I don't think it's impossible for people like me to heal; to feel and be, whole and well and normal.

I think that the bottom line is that some people do not choose to walk a healing path and they sometimes kill themselves, either quickly and deliberately, or slowly and inadvertently. I may have to 'walk with a limp' and have different challenges than some people may have, but I am not 'out of the game' by any means.

This is the short abbreviated version of my story and how far I have come since beginning to walk a path of healing. I don't know if I have painted a complete picture, but I hope that whatever answer you come up with, you will be encouraged to continue healing and will enjoy a better quality of life as I have.

I guess what I am trying to do here is to encourage you to heal just as much as ya can, to wear your scars with pride, and to have real hope that things will improve no matter how severe the traumas. They certainly have gotten much better for me than I ever could have ever imagined and I wish the same for you!

 

[Shellbell]

Oops, I don't know how I quoted wrong there!

 

[Shellbell]

Lionheart777,

Thank you for that. It is encouraging to know of people's success in therapy, despite the severity of the trauma's endured.

Thank you sharing a little of your journey and how that has improved your life considerably! I am so very happy for you that the journey which has no doubt had much pain at times, has given you such rewards and quaility of life.

You are an inspiration for me and many.

Yes, I believe a lot is down to attitude towards their journey and healing process and I am determined to achieve how ever much healing I am capable of.

I will do the hard work, will put in the time, effort and go through the pain. I didn't survive this much, to give up now. I am a fighter. I do have hope that things will improve considerably for me too.

 

[Tanishq]

Oops, I don't know how I quoted wrong there!

Hey Shellbell, Replace it with this (quote="gizmo, post: 458164, member: 12723"), you have not finished the code and that is why it is showing the code there. You can edit it on your own or if not mods will take care of it. Just my opinion, thought you would love to know techie stuff.:)

Replace this brackets () with [].

 

[Tanishq]

I'm glad you reach out here and have support. You have my support. Big hugs :hug:

Thank you so much for this hugs. It comforts me and assures me that I am on the path of healing now. I am grateful to have your support. Big :hug:

 

[Tanishq]

Hello Lionheart,

I think that the bottom line is that some people do not choose to walk a healing path and they sometimes kill themselves, either quickly and deliberately, or slowly and inadvertently.

Yes,It's a choice.

I loved reading, that you are loving the man you have become. I do desire this way.

Thank you for sharing your insights.

I guess what I am trying to do here is to encourage you to heal just as much as ya can, to wear your scars with pride, and to have real hope that things will improve no matter how severe the traumas

I liked this positive attitude.