General Are these signs of coming out of isolation?

[anon1234]

“I really appreciate u”.

That's awesome! I don't even get things like that when the going is good! ?
It's fantastic he is keeping an open channel of communication with you.

 

[Fitlady]

That's awesome! I don't even get things like that when the going is good! ?
It's fantastic he is keeping an open channel of communication with you.

Thank u. I think I am seeing from u all that he is communicating and trying. I am thankful for this forum and the honesty and experience sharing that it provides. It helps put things in perspective with a PTSD relationship and what to expect and how to respond.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

He’s willing to take space he needs and you are willing to respect it. That create more room to connect.

This! As a suffer, if someone respects my need for space that makes me more willing to conntect when I can. It's sort of a trust builder for me. If that makes sense.

 

[Fitlady]

This! As a suffer, if someone respects my need for space that makes me more willing to conntect when I can. It's sort of a trust builder for me. If that makes sense.

Yes this makes so much sense. And u just made me remember him saying early on that some people could not deal with who he was and his need to just go off the grid for a bit. But he said to me that he would never go off the grid and not let me know something. So I guess that is kind of what he is doing right now. I guess what makes this different because he was mad when he said he needed space...but he was symptomatic so it makes sense. He also said earlier (when he was not symptomatic) that if we broke up it would be because of me not being able to accept him and what happens with him...not because of him needing to break up. I do know he is still working at his job right now but I think he only makes human contact with people that he absolutely has to right now. When u guys are symptomatic do u doze off frequently? I can make this make sense because u are not able to get good sleep and u are exhausted daily with trying to just appear “normal.” He told me the before he took this extended space that he work one morning and was stuck in the bed for about 5 hours and could not move at all and it finally broke. He missed a meeting but was able to smooth things over. Also depending on what mood he is in...he will say I will check in so u don’t worry but then when in fight mode he will say u don’t have to worry about me....I am a soldier...I am trained to take care of myself in any situation. To that I just said...I know u are and very skilled.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

He also said earlier (when he was not symptomatic) that if we broke up it would be because of me not being able to accept him and what happens with him...not because of him needing to break up

Sounds like he's maybe had some people in his life not accept him for him with PTSD. I can related to that and those that couldn't accept me for me with PTSD got booted out of my life.

When u guys are symptomatic do u doze off frequently?

YES! Exhaustion to the point where I fall asleep sitting up like a heroin addict would is one of my symptoms when symptomatic in general. Being sympomatic is super exhausting. No matter how much sleep I had the night before. If I am off of work I can sleep the whole day and often do. If I am working I am fighting that exhaustion.

He told me the before he took this extended space that he work one morning and was stuck in the bed for about 5 hours and could not move at all and it finally broke

That sounds like sleep paralysis. Which is not a PTSD symptoms that I am aware of.

ETA: Although, I don't think sleep paralysis lasts 5 hrs. Maybe a flashback? Or disocciation? I'm not sure there.

 

[Fitlady]

Question....my BF is still making daily short calls and asking how is my mental and how I am feeling emotionally. I guess I am perplexed by this question given that he is symptomatic. When he is not symptomatic and he asks....I just gauge if I should discuss stuff (it isn’t anything related to him but more my business or other things)...because sometimes I think he enjoys listening and problem solving. He is pretty smart. But now because he is currently symptomatic and slowly coming back out of isolation...I do not want to overwhelm him with overprocessing or communicating anything that I say. I honestly do not have any issues that I cannot handle (but I am not sure if he is just looking to be included). My answer to him today was.... I am good and it is good hearing from u. Tough figuring out trying to determine how much to say and what to keep to myself (given his state now). Sufferers did u ask questions to just ask or do u really want to know as u are coming out of isolation? (I may be over analyzing?)

 

[lostforgottensoul]

Sufferers did u ask questions to just ask or do u really want to know as u are coming out of isolation

Not really but maybe he's trying to gauge how you are doing to see if it's safe to return? I can't handle other's emotions when sympomatic so maybe he's trying to gauge that? Just a guess though.

I do try to include myself with others when coming out of isolation so maybe it's just that?

 

[WillyKat]

These things I think are tiny steps, but they are steps. Dealing with the worst symptoms is like a journey of a thousand miles, crawling over cactus. These little things can lead to bigger things. Gotta start somewhere.

 

[Sweetpea76]

@Fitlady he could be asking for any number of reasons. Like @lostforgottensoul said, maybe he is checking to see if you’re emotional. Maybe he is preoccupied with mental health stuff. Maybe he is worrying about hurting you. Sometimes my vet is worried that I’m the one who is “batshit crazy” and is looking for signs. It’s sucky, but he can be “on guard” when he’s symptomatic and he’s looking for reasons why I’m dangerous.

Who knows, right? There is no way to know what’s going on in another person’s head. Just when I think I have things figured out with mine he throws me for a whole new loop. I’ve just learned to let it roll off.

 

[Friday]

Sufferers did u ask questions to just ask or do u really want to know as u are coming out of isolation? (I may be over analyzing?)

I’d say a definite yep! on the overanalyzing. I get it, when things are new there’s often a bit of YIKES! as one is trying to find their balance, what works, what reeeeeally doesn’t work. But... (you knew there was a but coming, right? ;))

1. That’s also one of those things where you’re going to get the whoooooole spectrum of responses from us*, because it’s more personality & preference than anything, but at the end of the day the only one whose response really matters is your beau’s.
( + )
2. There’s a difference between minding one’s timing... and “handling” someone, and manipulating them at the level of a parent or therapist, attempting to get a certain kind of response, or by deciding what/how much their kid/client can handle. You don’t wanna be his mommy or his doctor, you want to be his partner.
( = )
Trial & Error & Being yourself.

Consider it like a girlfriend who is in the hospital. You might withhold what’s going on when you visit her or talk on the phone, because she’s clearly got a lot on her plate right now, but what do you do when she ASKS you directly? Whatever comes naturally, right? It’s not going to be a complicated thought out series of decisions about what you think she can handle, and the best way to present that info... instead you’re going to rely on your own instincts and observation. Tell her however much feels right... and if that appears to have been an overestimate? Back off a bit / change the topic / etc. All based on your intimate knowledge of her, youourself, & your relationship.

^^^ Once PTSD gets put on the table? A lot of people both forget that they already know how to interact with their beloved AND want to “go the extra mile” of attempting to manage the other person’s symptoms for them. It’s totally natural, no one wants to hurt the people they love, nor walk right into a trap (like a cat stretched out showing you their rub me rub me belly, only to YOWCH! give you fang and claw when you DO rub their belly. Hey jerk! You asked! Goldurned tummy-trap! See if I rub your belly the next time you ask!) ... but how batshit crazy would it drive your girlfriend (or you, If the situation was reversed) if you switched into mommy-mode or doctor-mode and starting piecemealing info out -&/or drastically changing your behavior- based on your understanding of “what people with this disorder need”... instead of chatting them up about it &/or just being a friend/girlfriend by being yourself?

* Personally? I don’t ask a question if I don’t want to know the answer. (Do these pants make my ass look fat? Um. No. Your ass makes your ass look fat.) But I know a helluva lot of people who are just being polite, or making conversation, are lonely, or want a specific answer (your ass is so fine! Love those pants on you!), or are playing games, or handing out tests, testing the water, or simply asking out of habit.

 

[Fitlady]

@Fitlady he could be asking for any number of reasons. Like @lostforgottensoul said, maybe he is checking to see if you’re emotional. Maybe he is preoccupied with mental health stuff. Maybe he is worrying about hurting you. Sometimes my vet is worried that I’m the one who is “batshit crazy” and is looking for signs. It’s sucky, but he can be “on guard” when he’s symptomatic and he’s looking for reasons why I’m dangerous.

Who knows, right? There is no way to know what’s going on in another person’s head. Just when I think I have things figured out with mine he throws me for a whole new loop. I’ve just learned to let it roll off.

U are so right! I am trying to figure a plan...but I can definitely see what u are saying that it is not something that can be predicted or assumed to be the same every time. Let it roll....I like that.

I’d say a definite yep! on the overanalyzing. I get it, when things are new there’s often a bit of YIKES! as one is trying to find their balance, what works, what reeeeeally doesn’t work. But... (you knew there was a but coming, right? ;))

1. That’s also one of those things where you’re going to get the whoooooole spectrum of responses from us*, because it’s more personality & preference than anything, but at the end of the day the only one whose response really matters is your beau’s.
( + )
2. There’s a difference between minding one’s timing... and “handling” someone, and manipulating them at the level of a parent or therapist, attempting to get a certain kind of response, or by deciding what/how much their kid/client can handle. You don’t wanna be his mommy or his doctor, you want to be his partner.
( = )
Trial & Error & Being yourself.

Consider it like a girlfriend who is in the hospital. You might withhold what’s going on when you visit her or talk on the phone, because she’s clearly got a lot on her plate right now, but what do you do when she ASKS you directly? Whatever comes naturally, right? It’s not going to be a complicated thought out series of decisions about what you think she can handle, and the best way to present that info... instead you’re going to rely on your own instincts and observation. Tell her however much feels right... and if that appears to have been an overestimate? Back off a bit / change the topic / etc. All based on your intimate knowledge of her, youourself, & your relationship.

^^^ Once PTSD gets put on the table? A lot of people both forget that they already know how to interact with their beloved AND want to “go the extra mile” of attempting to manage the other person’s symptoms for them. It’s totally natural, no one wants to hurt the people they love, nor walk right into a trap (like a cat stretched out showing you their rub me rub me belly, only to YOWCH! give you fang and claw when you DO rub their belly. Hey jerk! You asked! Goldurned tummy-trap! See if I rub your belly the next time you ask!) ... but how batshit crazy would it drive your girlfriend (or you, If the situation was reversed) if you switched into mommy-mode or doctor-mode and starting piecemealing info out -&/or drastically changing your behavior- based on your understanding of “what people with this disorder need”... instead of chatting them up about it &/or just being a friend/girlfriend by being yourself?

* Personally? I don’t ask a question if I don’t want to know the answer. (Do these pants make my ass look fat? Um. No. Your ass makes your ass look fat.) But I know a helluva lot of people who are just being polite, or making conversation, are lonely, or want a specific answer (your ass is so fine! Love those pants on you!), or are playing games, or handing out tests, testing the water, or simply asking out of habit.

Thanks for that!! Definitely do not want to feel like I am being a mommy or doctor. I have to just go with the flow. And just be me without trying to pre-plan my response and just let it flow naturally. Thank u. Powerful post.

 

[Freida]

Sufferers did u ask questions to just ask or do u really want to know as u are coming out of isolation? (I may be over analyzing?)

depends.
Sometimes I will ask because
I want to know if they are ok
I feel like I'm "supposed to"
I'm looking to distract myself
I'm bored and wondering what I've missed out on while I've been gone
I'm wondering what's going on in their lives
I need to get a temperature of what their life is looking like before I come back --are they in the middle of a shit storm or is all calm?
And so on....

And it changes by the hour, and by the person I'm talking to.

For now I'd suggest just taking it at face value. If he asks how you are doing, tell him. Over analyzing is just going to make you crazy because you are looking for specifics and, well, ptsd. :laugh: