General Are these signs of coming out of isolation?

[Fitlady]

depends.
Sometimes I will ask because
I want to know if they are ok
I feel like I'm "supposed to"
I'm looking to distract myself
I'm bored and wondering what I've missed out on while I've been gone
I'm wondering what's going on in their lives
I need to get a temperature of what their life is looking like before I come back --are they in the middle of a shit storm or is all calm?
And so on....

And it changes by the hour, and by the person I'm talking to.

For now I'd suggest just taking it at face value. If he asks how you are doing, tell him. Over analyzing is just going to make you crazy because you are looking for specifics and, well, ptsd. :laugh:

Thanks for the response. Definitely see the point in taking it at face value and just live in the moment. Thanks again.

 

[Fitlady]

I am noticing the way his mind and actions vary from minute to minute and day to day...,if I ever say I don’t call to give him space....he says I enjoy ur calls (Mind u they are still short conversations and sometimes he does not answer but will call back later, so I feel like he is only doing it to benefit me and I want him to take the time he needs). But he confuses me saying he likes hearing from me. So I just don’t call and wait for him to call me. I will send an emoji tho. As a sufferer, depending on where u are with ur symptoms do u actually want people to initiate contact even if it is minimal? Again I may be Over analyzing? It is he wants space...but still wants me to check in on him...does that makes sense?

 

[Freida]

As a sufferer, depending on where u are with ur symptoms do u actually want people to initiate contact even if it is minimal?

yep. Unless I don't. :laugh:

Again I may be Over analyzing

I'm not sure it's over analyzing - I think it's just trying to find some rhyme or reason in the monster that is ptsd.
Which - sadly - there isn't any really. I've gotten better at it along the way, but I'm still hot and cold depending on the minute. I can't even imagine what that must be like on the supporters side.

I think the "check in" is a good approach. You could probably get away with sending a text or email with a quick "hi how ya doing" or "thinking of you" or something really short and then let him take the lead.

 

[Justmehere]

Who knows, right? There is no way to know what’s going on in another person’s head. Just when I think I have things figured out with mine he throws me for a whole new loop. I’ve just learned to let it roll off.

^This.

Consider it like a girlfriend who is in the hospital. You might withhold what’s going on when you visit her or talk on the phone, because she’s clearly got a lot on her plate right now, but what do you do when she ASKS you directly? Whatever comes naturally, right? It’s not going to be a complicated thought out series of decisions about what you think she can handle, and the best way to present that info... instead you’re going to rely on your own instincts and observation. Tell her however much feels right... and if that appears to have been an overestimate? Back off a bit / change the topic / etc. All based on your intimate knowledge of her, youourself, & your relationship.

And ^this.

There was a time I was going through a horrible time in my life while out of town and I was suddenly super concerned about life back home. I kept asking everyone back home if things were ok... most everyone said all is ok. They didn’t want to tell me what was going on because hey already knew I was symptomatic. Then my best friend finally told me the truth about some rough news.

It was actually a relief. I already knew something was up and my spidey senses were going off. So when I was finally told, it was like “OH ok, that’s what is wrong.”

I have no idea if that’s what is going on for him or not. In the mix of many possibilities he could be picking up on this all being hard for you or other things going on and maybe he keeps asking because he’s trying to get a straight answer. Could also not be that.

Go with the flow. Be you.

 

[Fitlady]

^This.

And ^this.

There was a time I was going through a horrible time in my life while out of town and I was suddenly super concerned about life back home. I kept asking everyone back home if things were ok... most everyone said all is ok. They didn’t want to tell me what was going on because hey already knew I was symptomatic. Then my best friend finally told me the truth about some rough news.

It was actually a relief. I already knew something was up and my spidey senses were going off. So when I was finally told, it was like “OH ok, that’s what is wrong.”

I have no idea if that’s what is going on for him or not. In the mix of many possibilities he could be picking up on this all being hard for you or other things going on and maybe he keeps asking because he’s trying to get a straight answer. Could also not be that.

Go with the flow. Be you.

Thank u for this. So hard knowing what he really wants to know. Will focus on trusting my instincts.

 

[Fitlady]

Have heard from BF pretty much everyday or every other while in isolation with a short text or short call and did not on yesterday. And I know in the past, he has told me about not being able to communicate. When I did not get a check in response, I texted him a short message that said
Checking on u today
Are u able to respond? (Let’s me know it is difficult)
Do u not want to respond right now? (Let’s me know he wants me to just let him be)

He typed back 2 hours later.
Hi (his pet name for me). I am. I am dealing with some pain right now. How are u

So I knew it was just hard to respond because he is struggling more right now for some reason. Makes me sad that he is in pain. I have seen his physically pain when he is symptomatic. And breaks my heart.

So I responded

Thanks for letting me know.
Wish u were not in pain. Praying for and with u. I am here, I am ok and with the boys. Praying.

(Whenever he is feeling not right he always asks for prayer)

Just wanted to share his communication in isolation and how his not responding was because he is having a really rough spot. Some days he is more communicative than others but keeping me up to date. Also thinking about the anniversary stuff that u sufferers mentioned....I am going to look back and see how things were last August.

 

[Fitlady]

Just wanted to share this!! Definitely something about the timeframe. My messages only go back by a year....but this is what was going today from a year to date (definitely some isolation/issues mentioned). And before I knew of PTSD but identified some cycles he had.

Hey dear. I will definitely keep u in my prayer. I truly adore u and I wish u peace in all that is going on with u. I am not really able to get a true read on all that is going on (and all I can do is respect how u handle things). I am not much of a complainer or a person who likes conflict....but given the last few weeks...I definitely see that I am a distraction to the other things (all be important) in your life. I am stepping back. I will pray for u, your family and all of your business situations, and anything else that is personally troubling u. I have enjoyed u and the time I spent with u. Safe travels.

I now remember we were supposed to meet up on this day and as he was late. So .I called and he was on his way to somewhere else like 4 hours away (without letting me know....running). Wow!! Cannot believe that this is probably an anniversary for him of some sorts!! Same time frame....with him becoming distant. This forum is amazing. I wish I could go back with more than a year to see what the texts looked like before then! I bet they were similar to what I am sending now

 

[Fitlady]

Also.....I look back at the text exchanges between us then. My texts were in paragraph form and his were very short, brief, and choppy. And sometimes did not really answer or go along to what I was typing (I was clueless but never confrontational). But Just like what u sufferers mentioned....u are not able to process and so communication is limited if there is any at all. He always communicated...but it just maybe did not make a lot of sense to me at the time. This is wild. Sorry (I am a data person). But now I know ..I ask short pointed things that maybe he can answer and not have him get caught in verbiage or my emotions.

 

[Justmehere]

Checking on u today
Are u able to respond? (Let’s me know it is difficult)
Do u not want to respond right now? (Let’s me know he wants me to just let him be)

He typed back 2 hours later.
Hi (his pet name for me). I am. I am dealing with some pain right now. How are u

So I knew it was just hard to respond because he is struggling more right now for some reason. Makes me sad that he is in pain. I have seen his physically pain when he is symptomatic. And breaks my heart.

So I responded

Thanks for letting me know.
Wish u were not in pain. Praying for and with u. I am here, I am ok and with the boys. Praying.

Wow, I wish my supporters would text this way with me...

 

[Fitlady]

Wow, I wish my supporters would text this way with me...

I do not want to take too much credit. I will admit that I was able to respond this way after actually witnessing and hearing him express situations where he couldn’t responds. He just could not simply talk or be present. And bonus then seeing on this forum that u sufferers are saying the exact thing. In my case....I think he was more open because he noticed that I was open and had the ability to identify on some level with my background......but even with that... I still question and I am not 100% sure of what I see and hear from him. But from this forum and what I am seeing from him....sufferers and supporters can learn and appreciate (with work) that our personal “normal” is not the same for everyone and we all may have to make concessions.

 

[Fitlady]

BF is still in isolation. Was a little concerned because he has good friends who live in the Bahamas. He still seems to be pretty numb. Asked him about them and he said I hope they are ok. I guess being numb is probably a good thing right now because if he wasn’t....it will probably add more stress to his stressor cup (and more reason to isolate). Left a text message for him afterwards that said

Wishing u a quiet mind with good thoughts.

A mind with less intrusive thoughts.

A pain free head and body (he has sever headaches and aches when he is symptomatic)

Minimal anxiety.

Peace for rest.

?

He called later but I missed then the call. I think it is just over 3 weeks since I have last seen him. Which is not the longest (earlier we had spots like this When I saw that he was stressed but never really attributed it to him needing to isolate). I would always say he has cycles

 

[lostforgottensoul]

BF is still in isolation. Was a little concerned because he has good friends who live in the Bahamas

Oh god! Poor guy! Dorian has sat over the Bahamas as at Cat 5, then a Cat 4 and now a Cat 3 for 24 hrs now. They are being distoryed. But, the good thing about hurricanes is you can see them coming and you can get out in time.

Did his friends stay?

I'm in Orlando so been watching Dorian and still waiting for it's Northern turn to slid up our coast. That turn will determine if it will go up our coast as predicted or not and hit us straight on.

He still seems to be pretty numb. Asked him about them and he said I hope they are ok. I guess being numb is probably a good thing right now because if he wasn’t....it will probably add more stress to his stressor cup (and more reason to isolate).

He's probably overwhelmingly scared and thus numb cause that's likely a really strong emotion. If I had someone I know that stayed in the Bahamas with this hurricane, I would be insanely scared for them too. If he's a vet, maybe scared to loose more friends. That could take him back to his trauma if he lost friends while in service, you know?

ETA: If you read my diary, I have said "My god, poor Bahamas" several times. Thinking of his friends!