General Are these signs of coming out of isolation?

[Fitlady]

Thank u @anon1234 u are absolutely correct and I am definitely thankful and happy for the communication. And thankful for u guys sharing ur experiences and providing guidance. U guys are very helpful!!

 

[lostforgottensoul]

it's probably based on whatever drove me into isolation in the first place.

Yes! Totally this for me!

 

[Fitlady]

So BF called on last night and this time he was not talking nonstop and he did not sound like his mind was all over the place (last phone call a couple of days ago he talked about 15 mins straight telling me things we had already discussed before he went into isolation). This time he did not say much about himself but primarily asked questions about me and my kids, how we were doing...etc. I felt like I needed to carry the conversation. I told him
about my weekend with my girlfriend and other little things I have been doing. I asked him typical questions that I had always asked like how was his appetite and how he was he sleeping. He said the Ambien is not really helping with sleep. Looking back I realized that prior to him isolating he had lost some weight and i remember him telling me that he just did not think to eat or did not have an appetite. And I think I remember a sufferer on here saying something along those lines as well about not thinking or even feeling hunger when symptomatic. Anyway....the conversation got quiet (I don’t have the most adventurous life to discuss ?) and he said ok I just called because I wanted to hear ur voice and hear from you and I will talk to u on tomorrow. I said it was good hearing from u and have a good night. Now I wonder if he will have anxiety behind the phone call. And I don’t really expect a phone call on tomorrow....but will happy if I get one at the same time. Again still limiting my contact and letting him lead.

 

[lostforgottensoul]

And I think I remember a sufferer on here saying something along those lines as well about not thinking or even feeling hunger when symptomatic

I don't think that was me but I can relate. I often forget to eat, remembering at 3am that I hadn't eatting all day, when symptomatic. That's because I am not hungry and just forget because of that. To combat it, I put eating on a schedule setting an alarm. Eventually not needing the alarm and still eat on a schedule even when not symptomatic because it's now habit.

ETA: Maybe bring that idea up to him? See what he thinks of it?

 

[Fitlady]

Will do! Thanks @lostforgottensoul !

 

[Fitlady]

Just received another phone call from BF...he still sounds calm and not like his mind is racing as bad. I asked how he was doing and he says he feels better but right now (with the demands of his work) he is still experiencing moments/short explosions of anger inside and that he is trying to keep that under control as he has to continue to work with some difficult stuff right now. He has to sue some people who tried to take advantage of him. He said he has been meditating and finds he is able to keep his inside rage from exploding better by being alone. And this makes me think back to previous conversations when he mentioned that when he had first returned home (over 10 years ago..he retired from the military after 20 years)....he said that his ex wife said that he came raging at her and she was afraid for her life. And so he mentioned that he never ever want that to happen again (and he has no clear memory of it). He has had a therapist for years but he mentioned he wants to get the short thoughts of rage under
Control because he does not ever want me to see that or for me to feel threatened. I told him i want him to get out and move around because he tends to feel a little in touch to himself when he does that as well.

I appreciate him calling and sharing...and I can clearly see that he still needs to be in isolation (particularly from me right now). He then asked about my kids, parents, and how I was feeling.

 

[Fitlady]

Hey hey. I think I am just writing to document my experience with my BF and get feedback. I recognize that he is more communicative than some of the other sufferers in isolation (funny I still wish it was more?). Nonetheless....I am trying to take him at his word when he says me just sending short messages helps pull him thru (no phone calls...that is how he contacts me). So I send an emoji or short check in text. I sent a “thinking of u text” with no response. But then I thought maybe He wants me to just treat him like he is ok and send a normal short message. So I sent a senior pic of my daughter to which he responded back thank u for sharing with me. This makes me happy. It is hard trying to decipher trying to just minimize Contact for check in purposes and actually giving something to share and have my sufferer feel included. I think I am seeing he wants me to share things...but just nothing that will invoke pressure. Still learning.....

And by pressure....I am feeling that me saying that I am thinking of u....makes him feel like something is wrong with him. But sending things makes him feel good....even if he still feels symptomatic.

 

[Freida]

My supporters would be thrilled if I was responding as much as he is -- so you are definitely doing something right! :hug:

 

[Fitlady]

Just an update. He is still isolating in that I have not physically seen him in about 6.5 weeks but he communicates more frequently and in more in depth conversations. He calls every 1 to 2 days. He just started to run (which I had asked him to do when he started feeling symptomatic in July). He sounds better but he had a very challenging weekend which typically means headaches and intrusive thoughts (so maybe he just sounded better for my benefit and he is still having issues that is trying to keep under wraps). I still do not call him and I will send an occasional pic or emoji (my daughters both went to homecoming dances and/or had birthdays so I sent pics from our events). So still just listening and trying to see where he is emotionally when he calls. He did say that he got his medicinal marijuana prescription renewed which he let lapse in June and he started taking meds (but he went off of the meds in July when he said he felt flat and slow). So what is difference...he is moving more, has his medicinal marijuana, stopped taking the meds, and seems a little more clearer thinking when I talk to him (but unsure how he feels when we don’t)

Forgot to say that he does ask how I am doing emotionally and that he does continue to say he appreciates me each time we talk. I am starting to notice that he prefers phone calls and I wonder if it because he likes to call when he feels capable to talk. He was never much of a texter but I guess I thought it would be easier and less pressure to message than talk...but he seems to prefer talking. At any rate I like hearing it and hoping that he can feel even more better so that I can possibly lay eyes on him.

 

[Fitlady]

Just wanted to give an update. After about 8 weeks of semi-isolation (I had not seen him in 8 weeks but he kept in some form of short contact at least every 2 to 3 days or so and then it increased more toward the last 2 weeks).....he finally called one day and was sounding very cheerful. He said hey honey u have a birthday on next week and so we have to celebrate. I was like huh? Ok? I was not sure if he was going to remember or want to celebrate because he got really bad with the symptoms around his birthday around 2 months and said he had Too much anxiety around his birthday and wanted it to just be a day. Back to the phone call...He went to further say that he feels like is finally out of the fog and misses me and he always want to see me (and then the phone hung up). I did not call back (because I have had this happen with him often I feel like he panics or some thought pops into his head so he quickly cuts the conversation) So I was unsure if he was indeed ready to see me and even more questioned whether he had the energy to celebrate my birthday. So I never mentioned us celebrating again. Well he kept reminding me and he actually planned something. The day we met for my birthday...he was over 50 mins late (but he made sure he kept in touch to say he was coming but running late..giving me updates). Part of me is thinking if he was still working thru some last symptoms/jitters. But anyway...he showed up and was very much like he was (before the big episode 3 months ago). We sat and listened to music and he wanted lots of hugs and just rested on my shoulder (so much he slept). I know he had not been sleeping well. And ever since then he has gone back to the same level of daily contact, same affection, and samw level of attentiveness before he became very sympomatic. It is funny...I did not bring up him being symptomatic over the last 3 months ...but I was unclear if he had realized just how long it had been since we had seen each other. He later mentioned it has been 2 months since He had seen u. So he did recall the time. And he also mentioned that he has a lot of work to catch up on since he has come out of the fog. So it is like he just woke up and was ready to carry on like before. Thought the update would be helpful to those who wonder what happens when they come out of isolation and the fog (which is what he referred to it as)

 

[Freida]

Yep. This is exactly how it happens with me. Happy to hear that he came out on the other side and is back to normal.....or as normal as we can ever be :laugh:

 

[LuckiLee]

The fact that he was keeping in contact at all during his isolation is huge! I had a feeling he'd come back around.

Go slow and keep conversations lite until he's up for more important dialogue.

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