ms spock
VIP Member
I miss my friend M.
I miss my siblings.
I miss my siblings.
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beautifulbroken
Bronze Member
Long story short....My father died when I was 4 and my mother moved us from California to Michigan to be near my dad's family.
At age 7 she moved us to Texas where she remarried. She cut us off from my dad's family not giving them any contact information. She also kept me away from her family. She'd go spend 2 weeks with them in California every year but I never saw or spoke with them. So I grew up without any family except my mother and step-father (both verbally and emotionally abusive) and my sister (2 years younger). Note: My sister was not abused like I was and grew up to be a carbon copy of my mother. Oh joy for the world!
Anyway....flash to age 22 and I take what little information I remember from age 7 because my dad and his family are an off limit topic and I hunt them down and find them. Mind you this is before the internet (yes I'm that old). When I got my uncle on the phone and asked him if he knew me he started crying and said, "You found us". I have no solid memories of my aunts/uncles/cousins from that time in my life. The strongest memories are of my grandparents who practically raised me during those three years. So I learned that I had 2 half sisters and a half brother (I had some memories of him) and I spent many many years developing relationships with my 2 uncles, 2 aunts, 5 cousins, 2 sisters and brother. I found my family 5 months after my grandfather had died. My grandmother had been gone for a long time.
Now move to today. I'm 40 and I've organized a reunion, attended family functions, holidays, birthdays, phone calls, emails, Facebook and still I'm the only one who really makes an effort. My only male cousin and brother communicate weekly and they actually call me but the others don't. I speak to each set of aunt/uncle twice a month on schedule. My sister has been battling cancer. Recently she had a brain tumor removed. My sister who lives in California flew out to Georgia and my brother went over from Tennessee. I was going to fly over from Texas but when I spoke to my sister she told me she didn't want me to come. She said, "I'll have everyone I need here so don't come." Gee thanks sis!
Anyway, there have been little comments over the years. Things about my dad (remember him? I don't) but insensitive things that well piss me off! I have no history with these people. And even though it's been 18 years since finding them I still don't. It breaks my heart. It's bad enough that I have 3 failed marriages. Only 2 real friends and 1 died 9 years ago (yes I'm the one who found him). So I miss family. I wish I had a mom or dad or aunt or uncle or cousin or sibling to love and rely on but sadly I don't. I've tried in vain for them to get to know me and understand who I am and vice versa but it has been to no avail.
It's sad. I have so much love to give that I think my chest will explode and no one to take it. I can be in a room with all of them and still feel totally alone....
At age 7 she moved us to Texas where she remarried. She cut us off from my dad's family not giving them any contact information. She also kept me away from her family. She'd go spend 2 weeks with them in California every year but I never saw or spoke with them. So I grew up without any family except my mother and step-father (both verbally and emotionally abusive) and my sister (2 years younger). Note: My sister was not abused like I was and grew up to be a carbon copy of my mother. Oh joy for the world!
Anyway....flash to age 22 and I take what little information I remember from age 7 because my dad and his family are an off limit topic and I hunt them down and find them. Mind you this is before the internet (yes I'm that old). When I got my uncle on the phone and asked him if he knew me he started crying and said, "You found us". I have no solid memories of my aunts/uncles/cousins from that time in my life. The strongest memories are of my grandparents who practically raised me during those three years. So I learned that I had 2 half sisters and a half brother (I had some memories of him) and I spent many many years developing relationships with my 2 uncles, 2 aunts, 5 cousins, 2 sisters and brother. I found my family 5 months after my grandfather had died. My grandmother had been gone for a long time.
Now move to today. I'm 40 and I've organized a reunion, attended family functions, holidays, birthdays, phone calls, emails, Facebook and still I'm the only one who really makes an effort. My only male cousin and brother communicate weekly and they actually call me but the others don't. I speak to each set of aunt/uncle twice a month on schedule. My sister has been battling cancer. Recently she had a brain tumor removed. My sister who lives in California flew out to Georgia and my brother went over from Tennessee. I was going to fly over from Texas but when I spoke to my sister she told me she didn't want me to come. She said, "I'll have everyone I need here so don't come." Gee thanks sis!
Anyway, there have been little comments over the years. Things about my dad (remember him? I don't) but insensitive things that well piss me off! I have no history with these people. And even though it's been 18 years since finding them I still don't. It breaks my heart. It's bad enough that I have 3 failed marriages. Only 2 real friends and 1 died 9 years ago (yes I'm the one who found him). So I miss family. I wish I had a mom or dad or aunt or uncle or cousin or sibling to love and rely on but sadly I don't. I've tried in vain for them to get to know me and understand who I am and vice versa but it has been to no avail.
It's sad. I have so much love to give that I think my chest will explode and no one to take it. I can be in a room with all of them and still feel totally alone....
KP the nut
VIP Member
I'm missing my hubby, he has been in Scotland since Sunday and will be back on Friday. Only 2 sleeps to go.
Lady of Longbourn
VIP Member
My grandmother. I wish I could go see her. :(
ms spock
VIP Member
I miss my friends.
- Post starter
- #284
D
Deleted member 1860
Afraid to admit it but yes I miss him. I think I may have finally pushed him away for good.
ms spock
VIP Member
I miss the me that I could have been without the PTSD Complex Trauma.
beautifulbroken
Bronze Member
Well my 19 year old son who is bipolar with psychotic features and who suffered a severe brain injury a couple of years ago had an episode last week. He had a fit of anger in a parking lot and keyed two cars. He was caught on camera and now the police are involved. His mother informed me and my wife and we discussed a strategy to assist. Of course it blew up in my face. My ex has a tendency to undermine me and once again she has done just that. My relationship with my son has been rocky at best. His mother has spent the last 17 years making me out to be the bad guy. She's been very effective. I've had it. I love my son but I need to do so from a distance. I've discussed it with my wife and therapist. I'm going to write letters to both my son and his mother. I'm severing any connection with her and letting my son know that I want a relationship but there will be hard boundaries. I don't expect a positive response. But at this point I don't care. I'm tired of being a door mat and scape goat. I miss my son. I miss what we could have. But between his mother and her family and his own mental illness it isn't to be. Maybe one day but not now. Very sad.
- Post starter
- #287
P
p-no
I am missing Sveta a lot right now and my godchild Jayjay.
ms spock
VIP Member
I miss M, S and a whole host of other people today.
I miss the idea of an extended family.
I miss the idea of an extended family.
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