Can’t regulate right now

Ice_Fire

VIP Member
So, i have a lot going on right now. I know this and I know that I’m of course going to be feeling all shook up at the moment.

Split up with my partner of 8 years. Realised the relationship was very unhealthy and bad for both of us.

A friend and colleague is having a bad time with another colleague who she was with and that’s gone south. In a big big way.

My mother has lost the plot again and I have had to be firm with police and social services about keeping me out of it but of course, that was after they contacted me so I was triggered already.

My cousin has basically accused me of lying, that he doesn’t believe ‘just stories’ from his family about why I’m not ‘there for’ my mother. Not that it is any of his business but it has been very invalidating.

I’m lonely, I am all over the place. Recently found out I have ADHD as well as cPTSD. Which explains a lot but now I’m noticing just how controlled I am by my own brain chemistry. I feel like my executive function is almost non-existent right now. Up and down like a yo-yo.

I am trying to tread water, trying to do all the right things with eating and sleeping and attempting mindfulness. But still, one day I’m hyper, the next I’m depressed, the next I’m flat.

I just don’t know how to ride this out without causing chaos to the people around me. Which is making me want to isolate but I know that’s bad for me…
 
Hi @Ice_Fire 👋 I understand what it's like to be having to deal with multiple issues whilst also trying to maintain some kind if stable equilibrium. Is it possible you could try a combination of fitness (like swimming, walking,running/any other) with meditation? Both are very good at regulation and improving mood.
 
I just don’t know how to ride this out without causing chaos to the people around me. Which is making me want to isolate but I know that’s bad for me…
Start by remembering how you like to be there for your people, then realize your taking that away from your friends.

Of course you’re depressed and hyper, you’ve been through a ton personally and adhd still drives the hyper side of you.

Maybe write a list of things you’ve lost in the relationship and a list of things you have to gain, process some of those emotions.
 
Day 1 of motorbike license course done. I really enjoyed it. It was better than I thought it would be and I got a sense of accomplishment from it.

2 days to fill and then back on Tuesday through to Friday.

I’ve decided I’m going to go to the Pentland Hills and go for a walk tomorrow. Need to hold myself accountable for that. The exercise will do me good. Hopefully it’ll pass the time and be enjoyable.

My ex (god it hurts saying that), text me today wishing me luck on the course. And I asked her how she’s doing. Even though I know the answer will be ‘badly’. Which it was. Painful.

Right now I’m just trying to keep busy and hoping that if I put enough busy time and distance from everything, I’ll wake up one day and feel okay again.
 
You seem like such an empathetic person so I can imagine how jumbled up this all must feel. 🫂
noticing just how controlled I am by my own brain chemistry.
With you on this, very uncomfortable. You could look at it as “controlled by my own *stories*.” Because chemistry and wiring are affected by your own thoughts—they *are* your thoughts, to a significant extent. It’s weird that your thoughts can change your brain. It’s all about attention. Attention lays down tracks and supports the uptake or resistance to certain neurotransmitters. Curiosity is a form of attention that cuts around the old shit.

Anyway… just musing and feeling it with you. Not very good at practicing it myself but it’s interesting to know about.
 
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I did it! 8.5 miles in the beautiful Pentland Hills.
 

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