Poll Are You More Angry At Your Perpetrating Parent Or Your Parent That Did Not Protect You?

[SimplyComplex]

mine both failed to protect me and abused me...there wasn't a specific role for that. I am most mad at my mother for her psychological abuse of me...but I hardly feel angry so it is hard to think about it.

The person I am most angry at is a man who was like a father figure to me and then on my 18th birthday started hitting on me.

 

[Lucycat]

Sorry... didn't even occur to me that someone wouldn't feel angry. I guess I am at such an early point in my healing that I can't fathom not having anger.

I WISH I could feel anger. It is frustrating to feel so cut off from it.

 

[Complicated]

I didnt vote for either but I guess I am still in the phase of working through my issues to be able to one day vote for both. I grew up being told that everything bad that happened was my fault, mostly I am emmotionally numb about the situation and when I do feel emmotions I am usually angry at myself. My father was the emmotionally abusive one but he has been dead for two years now and it seems pointless to be angry with a dead person. My mother never did anything about the situation because she was too weak and helpless. Now she is basically my only family member which is left and I think I am afraid to get angry with her because then I have no family left.

 

[hazen]

Since mine were both abusive I didn't vote. I am just starting to get angry with them... it took me a long time to get to this point.

 

[Gamereign555]

I am mad, more like aware of what happened to me. If my mother would only talk about it with me things would be different. As for my step dad I have no desire to talk to him.

 

[anthony]

I have added a third response to this, being "does not apply", as all polls should include a clause for everyone else.

 

[Martin Taylor]

Great question. I think my mother, because she encouraged denial and gave me responsibilities no kid should have and I failed at them. Not many 12 year olds can stop a grown man from drinking. Then again, she was doing the best she could. Then again, they were a dysfunctional unit. I feel angry at both, but not as bad as before. But the noise in my head is my mother's voice, not my father's DTs. I think. Great question, good food for reflection. Thanks

 

[Seneca]

I blame the non-perpetrator, because he didn't have nearly as much emotional baggage. Then again, his tendency to be distant and aloof was probably just the way he was. Still, it's easier to excuse someone when they've been abused themselves.

If they had been equals in the situation, though, I think I'd blame him even more. At least the perpetrator was TRYING, as misguided as she was, to make things right.

 

[freakofnurture]

Mom made it all possible.

 

[Queen Boudica]

I am now questioning why I don't blame my father. My mother was the abusive one.

I guess I always viewed my father as another victim. He was dominated by his father and then my mother got her hands on him. I think he was too far gone from whatever his father had done to him to be any sort of effectual father. Which is very sad.

 

[ProductOfSociety]

Such a hard question to answer. I used to be very mad at both of them, but at different times. My mother, I felt the most anger towards. I couldn't understand how she could let any of the things that happened to me happen. I couldn't understand why she constantly protected those who harmed me. I just couldn't grasp why she made any of the decisions she did.
As far as my father goes... he promised me he wouldn't give up on me like he did my brothers. For a while he was the only thing I ever looked forward to. Every other weekend I got to see him. He told me that when I turned 12 I could live with him. The closer I got to the age the worse things got and eventually he disappeared. I didn't understand how he could abandon me.

I suppose now I am more angry at my father. My mother made terrible decisions but she never left me. Even now, I know if I needed someone she would be there for me. Besides, she makes it very obvious that she is sorry for the mistakes she made. My father still doesn't understand what he did wrong.

 

[just me here]

For 35 years I would have blamed everything on the parent that brought on the misery and caused all the anger, especially because she was a stepmother. After the past year of therapy and a fresh objective view of what has happened and still happens, my father gets all the blame. She is just a flaming B***H, but he is the guy standing with the firehose watching the family go up in flames, he would rather see her anger targeted on anyone else other than himself and let anyone else suffer the damage she causes rather than grow a pair and tell her to get real. They are both dead to me now, her long gone, him deeply gone.