Childhood Are You Ok With Your Name?

[LF1]

Interesting thread, I had always thought the hating my name was a "me" thing. I think I've always hated mine or at least I've hated hearing it for as long as I remember. No real idea why but I just feel really really uncomfortable hearing it. I think it's probably something to do with wanting to be hidden, not seen, not known etc and I guess someone saying my name is putting attention on me that I don't want... or something, I'm not really sure.

I did go through the process of legally changing my name (all of it) but I legally changed it back after a year or so. I had some safety concerns as well that influenced (but were not my sole reason for) my changing names, I spent about 6 months in a couple of refuges but changing my name was not particularly helpful with those concerns. There's always a link between the names anyway (a lot of forms need former names to be listed etc) plus there's always a cross-section of people who are aware of both your names. It wasn't a big deal while I was in "hiding" or even when I was isolating but at other times (like when trying to work out how to put a semblance of life back together) I saw it as a pain. Getting past references or referees for housing and jobs etc is complicated, and things like running into someone who knows you by your old name when you're with someone who knows you as your new name... that seemed all kinds of awkward to me! Had I had the resources to move to the other side of the country and make a cleaner start I probably would have kept the new name but in the end it became more stress than worth it for me... though I still do hate my name and even cringe when I hear it!

 

[purpleswirled]

i don't like my name. it makes me feel ashamed and horrible inside and i don't know why. probably because my father called me by it with such distaste in his voice

 

[Freedomfighter]

Just wondering if there are any survivors that cant stand to hear their name..
I changed mine which...

I changed my last name after escaping an abusive ex husband. Now I would love to ditch my last name again, because it is the name of my father who is also an abuser. I don't want that name anymore, I really don't

 

[purpleswirled]

I changed my last name after escaping an abusive ex husband. Now I would love to ditch my last n...

I hear you....my dad abused me repeatedly and in a nasty way well into adulthood until i had the courage to leave,,,,,i don't li98ke my name otr being me but i don't have the guts to kill myself

 

[Deleted member 8714]

I legally changed my name several months after I first started therapy in 1988. My FOO refused to call me by my new name. That didn't matter to me. I couldn't relate to the name I was given. And my narcissist mother used to over emphasize the syllables while she verbally/emotionally abused me.

A therapist I stayed with for 14 years once asked me if I'd change my name back to my birth name. I told him no. By that time I had used my new name for 5 years and I loved it.

I had DID at the time I changed my name. I no longer have DID, and I still won't change my name back to my birth name.

 

[purpleswirled]

i hate my name becuase i hate myself. for letting abuse happen..........i'm in pain right nbow, so much pain....

 

[Deleted member 8714]

Brenton... my pen name. ...writing is my coping skill. ...became a novelist... entire world shifted.

I 100% agree with you Brenton. Writing helps me immensely. My characters say the things I could never say. I wrote 11 novels in 16 months during some of the worst memories I had back in 2011/2012. If it wasn't for writing I think I would've gone insane.

 

[purpleswirled]

Incongruous maybe i should take up writing....i don't know where i would start though.....i don't think i have a book in m, seriously. but i don't think i have anything to say. abuse is the only thoing in my head right now,,,i wanted to write my story as a book once but was told that what i have gonne through wouldn't offer anything new to the table regarding abuse memoirs. and i have no training as a writer

except i do have the unusual angle in my situation that my abuse trauma was self inflicted partly which is not that common amongst survivors. i suppose that would sell books but few survivors would be able to relate to my story because i played a big part in my being abused. most survivors are innocent @Incongruous and @Brenton

i'd love to go bavck to my roots, to the name my ancestors had before they came to live here after the pogroms but i would have to find their original name- apparently it was changed to Christianised version to avoid anti semitism. i would hjave to do a lot of heavy research

 

[Deleted member 8714]

i have no training as a writer

When I started writing novels the only training I had was keeping a journal. I began writing my first novel through a contest called NaNoWriMo. It's National Novel Writing Month where one writes 50,000 words in 30 days. That's what started me on my path as a writer. From there I learned about editing and writing. One love I've always had was research. That's quite helpful as a writer.

 

[purpleswirled]

When I started writing novels the only training I had was keeping a journal. I began writing my firs...

that is cool. am glad for you that you acheived that, my mother wrote as did her mother. i think they had a gift there too. For me i would need a book inside me to start writing and i haven't got any ideas yet. They say write about what you know but i haven't had a life. i was never able to work or have children. or be married or even have a boyf. CPTSD, the gift that keep son giving....

Interesting thread, I had always thought the hating my name was a "me" thing. I think I've always hated min...

yes, i had a nightmare getting myself into suitable accomodation as it was (disabled physically and mentally). i just concentrated on surviving. i think i hate my name because i hate myself. and i hate myself because of what i let him do to me

 

[Ronin]

At this point?

Too many control associations to a name I'm at the point of either not taking them seriously at all, or changing them as often as it takes to feel any semblance of decency & honor returned to me.

 

[Beemo3780]

My mother came from a wealthy family, and named both my sister and me after royal queens, mine being Katherine, and then our middle names are from my father's favorite Beatle's songs. My mother and her side of the family used my full name to address me. I can truncate my name in several different ways, and like the nickname I've had since being a kid, which is Katie. My ex husband told me that he hated my given nickname, and changed it to Katelyn or Kate, expecting me to just use what he chose. So different people know me by different names. Now when someone calls me by what my ex did, I just correct them to my given nickname Katie. I am a Katie, and I love that name.