Are You Pushing Yourself?

[enough]

in the mechanical design field we have to be aware that the easiest thing to do when designing is to make an existing design “ better”, and a harder trick is knowing when good enough is the best choice.
Long way around to saying, yeah, I push myself “good enough”. And I am aware that it would be easy for someone to look in on me and say I could push myself “better”.
I might take longer than I want to tell you all it took for me to read the book I was told would help me.
I might not exercise and eat right and avoid stressful situations like could, but i do it good enough.
The best ways around my symptoms are well worn paths for me. I could maybe take a better path, but i am getting there and that alone is hard enough.

 

[Missycat]

I would say i push myself but i know that i would have answered the same years ago - when in fact at that time i realise i probably wasn’t . Work became and avoidance tool and myself and therapist knew what it was that i was avoiding … i just needed to accept/ recognise it and start the work… which i did and im still on the journey but this time am pushing myself. I made a decision to have bariatric surgery which is a massive commitment and a lot of work and i had to be in the right headspace for it - the surgery was a few days ago - the decision to go ahead was on the back of the hard work and me pushing myself.

 

[Jade-]

I have met a lot of people who thought they were working hard, pushing themselves... and then when I started asking them tough questions, they got a whole new meaning of difficult self effort.

Maybe the ones who thought they were working hard,pushing themselves,really believed that they were.And maybe after you asked tough questions it gave them a whole different outlook/perspective on things.

That's how it is for me,I can truly believe I am doing my best to deal with something until I reach out,ask questions,do research,etc. and then I take in what I receive and change things up. When I am dealing with something I get confused and just can't think clearly or logically. I do consider reaching out as working hard and pushing myself. So Yes, I do believe I am constantly and consistently working hard and effectively.

I may not come here as often as I once did but it has been my go-to for the past 13 years since joining. It's not my last resort but in a way I guess it kinda is because I come here usually only when I am really struggling. And I always am helped in some way. Sometime within the first few years of joining here,@anthony ,you said something like "thinking about doing something is always much harder than actually doing it" and I still always think of that when there's something I need to do and have fears about it. It was such a simple thing to say to me but yet made such a huge impact and has stayed with me.

I guess my point is I'm sure there's many others like me,where we really do believe we are doing our best until we find out otherwise and we're not just lazy or settled with ourselves.?

 

[whiteraven]

Maybe the ones who thought they were working hard,pushing themselves,really believed that they were

And maybe they are pushing through as hard as they can in that moment.

 

[Freida]

I'm notorious for not being able to recognize the signs of overwork or pushing myself too hard - even if I'm not really trying to accomplish anything. Anything to keep me busy so I don't have to think about, yknow, stuff. Plus I hate having fibro, which makes me chronically tired, so I keep sabotaging myself into thinking the diagnosis is a mistake, I'm just lazy, I just need to push harder and get thru it, blah blah blah

Many years of therapy later I'm at least starting to catch a clue that pushing thru to solve a problem doesn't equal succeeding. Sometimes when I work to hard I fly right by the answer I was looking for without ever seeing it.

Something that my t said years ago has stuck with me. She said "Workaholism is no different from alcoholism or drug addiction. Workaholics push themselves to avoid pain by denial, dissociation and distraction. It's all about numbing - the only difference between the three is the way it's done. That means you have to change your coping skills."
Something I try to remember when I take on a new project or problem I want to solve.

 

[whiteraven]

Plus I hate having fibro, which makes me chronically tired, so I keep sabotaging myself into thinking the diagnosis is a mistake, I'm just lazy, I just need to push harder and get thru it, blah blah blah

Oh yeah. Same here. But I also hear from nearly everyone how I don't push through, don't push hard enough. I wish people understood how very damaging that is.

 

[Freida]

Oh yeah. Same here. But I also hear from nearly everyone how I don't push through, don't push hard enough. I wish people understood how very damaging that is.

agreed!! It's all fine and dandy for those who are healthy to judge those who aren't - especially with "invisible" diseases like fibro. I think that's a big part of why I push to much - I don't want the grief that comes from those on the sidelines
What I really want is to challenge them to try to do just 24 hours in my body and then tell me they could do better!

 

[Friday]

My single best trick, in PTSD-Land, is taking anything I’ve mastered… and playing with it. Tweaking it. Toying with it. Nudging or kicking it. Trying different subtle or major ways of handling it. The exact same way I do with brand new symptoms/challenges, when I’m trying to find anything that works, but Master Class. Finding the best ways that work.

Most commonly? ^^^That^^^ takes a manageable symptom, and turns it into an outwardly -even inwardly- asymptomatic experience. Loooove that!

(Until I’ve been doing it so long that I forget that the reason I do some things some ways is to save my own arse. Then it will bite me, and I’ll have to relearn -or remember- exactly the same durn thing all over again. >.< )

I upped my own momentum on return from a holiday, as I usually fall over for a couple of days after even a holiday (too much stimulation), but instead I have been busy and active because I know it helps my recovery, instead of falling over. I keep busy and then slowly ease things back to normal, not busy or just idle. Keeps depression in check primarily for myself.

<grin> I call this “gentling the landing”; part of the whole “What goes up? Must come doooooown!” aspect of treating fun stress like bad stress. Treating 2 amazing days/weeks/months like 2 terrible days/weeks/months? Saves me a whole helluva lotta grief & wasted rebound&recovery time.

Spoiler: Waffling on

Ditto… I learned it initially, or at least the deliberate application of it initially, on coming home from adventures. If I didn’t block a few extra days/weeks (about 10-15% of my time away) as vacation from my vacation? I was gonna be a hurtin puppy.

At first? I used that time to faceplant. And then just sucked up the lingering aftershock, once I peeled myself up off the floor; considering the super touchy, sparky-sparky-boom-man, -and it’s perverse cousin- I’m just going to lay here, and let the despair wash over me, & just generalised all over badness? As prices well worth the fun. Just blocked the time, and ignored it.

Later? (Read, once I had kids, and not having them underfoot opened a world of possibilities) I starting banging out some fun projects, started new sports (how I fell in love with trapeze work!), booked massages, went for runs/swims all by myself whenever the hell I felt like it, etc. to fill up the time.

Lo & Behold? By keeping my energy up, just not AS up? I got to kiss the badness buh-bye!

So I started playing around with blowing off steam before/after both major & minor things.

Massively effective.

Until I forgot why I did that, years later. Snort. Never one to let past success limit future failures, me! (Brick wall. Bang head.)

Basically? Just being on the lookout for any kind of “Huh. That’s weird…” when something is “randomly” (read, not at all random, just not intentional) better… as well as taking anything I am totally happy with and deliberately poking it, to see what happens? Makes my life sooooooo much better.