Are You Scared Of People?

[dust]

I've had experiences where my body felt like it was on fire when I was in a crowd, or of bolting up-right when someone got too close.

Now I can be around people, but only with barriers in place (unless I'm with a close friend - when I can be more myself.) I actually quite enjoy being gregarious and fun with people, but of course, this is a survival strategy... the popular girl won't get attacked (I am not a bully I hasten to add, just an outwardly 'open' and emphatic person.) Outside of that, I beat a speedy retreat to my home, and slowly decompress and get in contact with myself again. My main tool for making the connection to myself is art.

Dylan, what you said about connecting to your authentic self, certainly rang a bell with me. It takes time, nurturing, effort and space to do this.

dust

 

[Mina]

I'm not afraid of people, but I do like to be mostly left alone, and don't like to socialize with people who aren't in my 'circle.' I have no problems being out and around people, but for example I don't like making small talk with strangers at parties (pointless, and I really don't care and don't want to pretend like I do), or being at a concert and having some guy try to make friends with me (I'm here for the music, leave me alone).

 

[Grama-Herc]

"T"

You said 2 words that really hit me right in the middle of "myself"

Social Skills----I do not have any! ! ! I have no clue how to act in group situations. I am constantly saying something wrong. I have apparently never had any social skills! ! !

Your comment brought back several situations from the past couple of years where I attended a social function because mother really wanted me to go with her and got "THE LOOK" from her after having said something inappropriate.

I have always felt like I never "fit in". I have never had good friends---just acquaintances. As I look at the "normal" lives of others and the things they do, etc I just realize that I have never had that kind of life. I don't do parties, evenings out, movies, restaurants, visiting others--guess I don't do ANYTHING--and that is just not normal.

I can tell you with out a doubt in my mind that if I was to suddenly die or get hurt, NOT ONE PERSON ON THIS EARTH BUT MY KID would even know I was gone.

This is a sad way to live, but it is all I know how to do. I must say though that as time goes by I am beginning to want contact with people, but just have no clue how to do it. If and I say If I do let someone in my life the minute they get to close I run them off. I always have. Tryed a few years ago to have a friend in my life----I ran that person off.

I think these feelings of wanting to try to have a friend again are coming up becasue I know that mother is the only person around me and she is 85. I will soon be alone, completely alone. She is the only reason I go out. She needs food and meds and stuff.

OMG I am isolated from the real world.

 

[morgan]

I remember when I was that way last year. The first thing that helped me was group therapy. I slowly dealt with my triggers head-on as they came up. then I befriended 2 group members, one of them is like us and ended our friendship in a very painful way for me. I have dealt with it since and I managed to get hurt without falling apart. I just tried to understand that she has ptsd too and wasn't ready for an involved friendship. I did grow from the experience though and that is the most important thing.

Then after a while I started going to AA meetings and this remains a challenge for me. I have been slowly developing a circle of friends and am continuing to grow from these experiences. Sometimes I have no idea what to talk about and I end up staying awkwardly quiet. They don't seen to mind too much but I am trying to develop better social skills and I don't give up.

One of the people I am awkward around has invited me over tonight. I am going and I am praying for the ability to have a meaningful or at least a fulfilling conversation with her. Her little girl is 4 yrs old and I can talk with her real well. I am hoping she will help me bridge the gap.

Anyway, I said all that because my experience tells me that we can overcome anything if we just are willing. Last year I never would have thought I'd be able to do this stuff and look at me now! It is growth beyond my wildest dreams.

You can do it too GH. It just takes time and patience.

 

[Grama-Herc]

Time and practice? I've given this almost almost 12 years of practice.

It is impossible for me to leave the house when I breakout in a cold sweat, get serious stomach pains and then diarrhea sets in. That is why I lost my job. I literally could not get out of my house because of this deep seeded fear. It sucks but I am adjusting and have been for years.

We have a brand new grocery store very close to the house, yet I still go further away to my usual store. It scares me to the depths of my soul to even think about going into that new place. Can't do it.

Logically, I know that this is ridiculous. But the physical issues keep me from moving forward. I'm just lucky I have gotten myself a small "safe zone" in which to get the things I need to survive. People and places are just to terrifing. And I really do not know what to do about it.

As a sdie not, I've been this way my entire life. How I ever worked at all is beyond my understanding, but then I never kept a job for very long.

 

[Shamstalat]

I can relate to so many posts!

I am terrified of most people, especially people that are older than me or that hold any sort of authority over me.

I am terrified of making phone calls, of doing any sort of formal interaction, whether it's at the bank or the airport or in the classroom.

I get panic attacks if I have to go eat at a restaurant, go to a concert, if there are a lot of people walking back and forth behind me. At work when there are many people in the office, I get a lot of anxiety. I have the heightened startle response every single time someone walks by me. When I'm at home, and I hear my mother or father coming into the room, or when I hear the door slam.

In the classroom with other students I also have a lot of anxiety. I usually end up dissociating quite strongly in classroom situations, especially since classrooms trigger flashbacks for me.

In short, yes I am definitely terrified of people at large! My wife is the only person that makes me feel truly safe, that I know won't hurt me, that could come up behind me and give me a hug and I would just feel safe in her arms.

 

[Odditus]

I was torn to shreds in a group by the therapist at the hospital about 6 years ago

May I ask what happened?

I always find it very strange to hear about a therapist hurting someone.